Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 31

Thread: Pointless texting

  1. #1
    Kricket123
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    108
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    7

    Pointless texting

    Hi all,

    I wanted to solicit some feedback. In using online dating, I often encounter men who want to text daily (and sometimes multiple times a day) until we meet (I never just text endlessly--there has to be a day/time to meet set up). The problem with this is that 9 out of 10 times, it's pointless and just takes energy because when we meet, there's no chemistry and that's the end. I see no point in texting frequently but I don't know how to handle it when that's what the guy tries to do. This happened to me the past 10 days, guy kept texting, we met last night, and I don't think I'll hear from him again.

    Problem is, I don't know how to stop this. I could say "I'm definitely interested in meeting but I don't like texting a lot before hand" but that seems harsh. I have tried to take a long time to reply, not invite responses, etc., but then I think I seem rude and not interested. But I don't want to waste my time. What do you all do about this issue?

  2. #2
    Wiseman2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    22,428
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    16628
    Texting is often used (or more accurately, misused) to keep people in a holding pattern while multidating. The longer they text rather than suggest meeting, the less likely there is any interest.

    Rather than mention the texting be flirty and sidestep at the same time and keep saying "so when are we having that coffee?", "when we meet I can tell you that" or similar remark. Be persistent on the "meet" topic. If they jerk you around for too long stop replying altogether. Don't bother with delayed responses etc. too passive.

  3. Thanks gebaird thanked for this post
  4. #3
    DancingFool
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    6,829
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    5648
    I was always blunt about it, "listen, I'm not much of a texter, can't wait to meet you though. "insert some cute emoticon""

    Or ye olde busy busy busy, can't text at work, can't use cell while at work, don't use cell while at whatever, busy busy busy see you on the date.

  5. Thanks gebaird, gp11a thanked for this post
  6. #4
    IAmFCA
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    52
    Posts
    8,895
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    3902
    Quote Originally Posted by Kricket123 [Register to see the link]
    Hi all,

    I wanted to solicit some feedback. In using online dating, I often encounter men who want to text daily (and sometimes multiple times a day) until we meet (I never just text endlessly--there has to be a day/time to meet set up). The problem with this is that 9 out of 10 times, it's pointless and just takes energy because when we meet, there's no chemistry and that's the end. I see no point in texting frequently but I don't know how to handle it when that's what the guy tries to do. This happened to me the past 10 days, guy kept texting, we met last night, and I don't think I'll hear from him again.

    Problem is, I don't know how to stop this. I could say "I'm definitely interested in meeting but I don't like texting a lot before hand" but that seems harsh. I have tried to take a long time to reply, not invite responses, etc., but then I think I seem rude and not interested. But I don't want to waste my time. What do you all do about this issue?
    I think your direct suggestion is fine:

    "I am not much of a texter, so I might leave some of your texts hanging. I look forward to meeting you though!"

  7. Thanks gebaird thanked for this post
  8. #5
    Butterfly~Wrists
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,496
    Thanked
    52
    I don't think messaging a lot before really meeting takes away from in person chemistry. Least it hasn't for me in pretty much any of my relationships.
    That said, you shouldn't have to explain yourself. Lots of good suggestions here to make you stance and interest clear.

  9. #6
    JaggerJim
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    1,721
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1465
    Ok do this.

    ONLY give out your number the day before you are scheduled to meet for the date. Do not give out your number before then. Don't spend too much time conversing on the computer, save it for the date.

    People start attaching fantasy's into who people are when there is too much talking without a meet-up. Just start going online, pick the candidate, if it's mutual set up a date, then only give number day before.

    If no-one wants to do that, then some of them are just time wasters or are just too scared to just meet up.

  10. Thanks Wiseman2, CraftandVirtue thanked for this post
  11. #7
    snoopygal
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    186
    Thanked
    56
    Quote Originally Posted by Wiseman2 [Register to see the link]
    Texting is often used (or more accurately, misused) to keep people in a holding pattern while multidating. The longer they text rather than suggest meeting, the less likely there is any interest.
    .
    This. Then ghosting. Its easy to text, and its easy to stop responding. I won't text a whole lot before meeting. If they are truly interested, they'll want to meet and keep texting. It is irritating to feel like you're wasting your time, but just shorten that "texting until meeting" span and it won't seem as bad.

  12. Thanks Wiseman2 thanked for this post
  13. #8
    mfan
    Platinum Member mfan's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    New York
    Age
    41
    Posts
    1,788
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    110
    "Your texts are coming out garbled for some reason, see you Saturday. Hope you can read this."

  14. #9
    Kricket123
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    108
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    7
    I'll clarify that this only happens to me after we have made plans to meet. I have no patience for people who text without making plans. So the issue becomes: we have a date to meet, I'm interested, and they want to text a lot before we meet up.

  15. #10
    JaggerJim
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    1,721
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1465
    You need to set the tone so the guy will follow.

    I.e - Only text to set up the date. Once date set, go on it.

    Don't allow guys to waste time with "hey how are you?" "Hey! What you doing?" texts. Just ignore them. Set the tone, that you will only be answering date type texts (when, where, what time) and that's it.

    It may piss alot of guys off not responding, but your a woman who means business and wants only date texts!!! (you can tell them that on the date - if they show up) lol

    Then have a laugh over drinks.

  16. Thanks Wiseman2 thanked for this post
  17.  

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Top Threads
How does this happen?
There is a woman in my life, a co-worker. We’re friends, but not that close. This woman is amazing. Beautiful, kind, artistic, intelligent. We grew
Have you ever ghosted someone and why?
Just curious what people's reasons are for ghosting.
Is he playing me?
I posted earlier about him. He works in the same building. He joined few weeks ago. Asked me a few times to go for a drink and I finally agreed. We
Has this whole relationship been a waste of time???
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now but we have known each other for 8 years. We started out as friends and I
Feeling A Bit Shallow Today. :(
Guys, you've been helping me a lot lately so here's one more, if you can. Last night I went to a single's event in my city, and got chatting with
Her wandering eye
I'm a 26 year old guy. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 8 months now. There have been ups and downs but it has been mostly good. One
How do we get through this?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost four years. He has been incredible and stepped up to the plate with my nine year old daughter. We also

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
My (ex?) girlfriend has anorexia and it probably destroyed our relationship - what to do?
Hello. I would like to tell my story. I am a 22 year-old male dating an 18 year-old female, though we have probably broken up today. This is
Question about how I should handle the finances in my marriage
I recently married my bf of 5 years and we are expecting a baby early next year. Since then I've found out some rather disturbing things about his
married now found out she cheated while we were dating Im so confused help
We have been married 2 years and dated a long time before we were married (16yrs) 5 years into our relationship my wife , then gf went on a cruise
Wanting To Be With Loved One In After-Life
Has anyone who has ever lost a loved one with whom they were extremely close and loved dearly ever thought about taking his/her own life so as to be
Does everyone have some positive qualities?
Since the day I had been dumped (got dumped in April and after all the failed efforts to reconcile, accepted his decision in mid July). I feel I am a
I it wrong to date my sister's ex boyfriend?
My sister was dating a guy for two month, and me and her bf start being friends until they broke up.....i have feelings for him and he also loves me
She left me because she thinks I'm dumb
I have been in relationship with this girl and moved to her country 3 months ago and lately things are going pretty bad and she is seeking for a
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •