Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 31

Thread: Pointless texting

  1. #1
    Kricket123
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    105
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2

    Pointless texting

    Hi all,

    I wanted to solicit some feedback. In using online dating, I often encounter men who want to text daily (and sometimes multiple times a day) until we meet (I never just text endlessly--there has to be a day/time to meet set up). The problem with this is that 9 out of 10 times, it's pointless and just takes energy because when we meet, there's no chemistry and that's the end. I see no point in texting frequently but I don't know how to handle it when that's what the guy tries to do. This happened to me the past 10 days, guy kept texting, we met last night, and I don't think I'll hear from him again.

    Problem is, I don't know how to stop this. I could say "I'm definitely interested in meeting but I don't like texting a lot before hand" but that seems harsh. I have tried to take a long time to reply, not invite responses, etc., but then I think I seem rude and not interested. But I don't want to waste my time. What do you all do about this issue?

  2. #2
    Wiseman2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    17,514
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    12804
    Texting is often used (or more accurately, misused) to keep people in a holding pattern while multidating. The longer they text rather than suggest meeting, the less likely there is any interest.

    Rather than mention the texting be flirty and sidestep at the same time and keep saying "so when are we having that coffee?", "when we meet I can tell you that" or similar remark. Be persistent on the "meet" topic. If they jerk you around for too long stop replying altogether. Don't bother with delayed responses etc. too passive.

  3. Thanks gebaird thanked for this post
  4. #3
    DancingFool
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    5,457
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    3788
    I was always blunt about it, "listen, I'm not much of a texter, can't wait to meet you though. "insert some cute emoticon""

    Or ye olde busy busy busy, can't text at work, can't use cell while at work, don't use cell while at whatever, busy busy busy see you on the date.

  5. Thanks gebaird, gp11a thanked for this post
  6. #4
    IThinkICan
    Platinum Member IThinkICan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    USA
    Age
    51
    Posts
    8,029
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    3201
    Quote Originally Posted by Kricket123 [Register to see the link]
    Hi all,

    I wanted to solicit some feedback. In using online dating, I often encounter men who want to text daily (and sometimes multiple times a day) until we meet (I never just text endlessly--there has to be a day/time to meet set up). The problem with this is that 9 out of 10 times, it's pointless and just takes energy because when we meet, there's no chemistry and that's the end. I see no point in texting frequently but I don't know how to handle it when that's what the guy tries to do. This happened to me the past 10 days, guy kept texting, we met last night, and I don't think I'll hear from him again.

    Problem is, I don't know how to stop this. I could say "I'm definitely interested in meeting but I don't like texting a lot before hand" but that seems harsh. I have tried to take a long time to reply, not invite responses, etc., but then I think I seem rude and not interested. But I don't want to waste my time. What do you all do about this issue?
    I think your direct suggestion is fine:

    "I am not much of a texter, so I might leave some of your texts hanging. I look forward to meeting you though!"

  7. Thanks gebaird thanked for this post
  8. #5
    Butterfly~Wrists
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,491
    Thanked
    47
    I don't think messaging a lot before really meeting takes away from in person chemistry. Least it hasn't for me in pretty much any of my relationships.
    That said, you shouldn't have to explain yourself. Lots of good suggestions here to make you stance and interest clear.

  9. #6
    JaggerJim
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    1,065
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    929
    Ok do this.

    ONLY give out your number the day before you are scheduled to meet for the date. Do not give out your number before then. Don't spend too much time conversing on the computer, save it for the date.

    People start attaching fantasy's into who people are when there is too much talking without a meet-up. Just start going online, pick the candidate, if it's mutual set up a date, then only give number day before.

    If no-one wants to do that, then some of them are just time wasters or are just too scared to just meet up.

  10. Thanks Wiseman2, CraftandVirtue thanked for this post
  11. #7
    snoopygal
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    182
    Thanked
    54
    Quote Originally Posted by Wiseman2 [Register to see the link]
    Texting is often used (or more accurately, misused) to keep people in a holding pattern while multidating. The longer they text rather than suggest meeting, the less likely there is any interest.
    .
    This. Then ghosting. Its easy to text, and its easy to stop responding. I won't text a whole lot before meeting. If they are truly interested, they'll want to meet and keep texting. It is irritating to feel like you're wasting your time, but just shorten that "texting until meeting" span and it won't seem as bad.

  12. Thanks Wiseman2 thanked for this post
  13. #8
    mfan
    Platinum Member mfan's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    New York
    Age
    40
    Posts
    1,769
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    99
    "Your texts are coming out garbled for some reason, see you Saturday. Hope you can read this."

  14. #9
    Kricket123
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    105
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    I'll clarify that this only happens to me after we have made plans to meet. I have no patience for people who text without making plans. So the issue becomes: we have a date to meet, I'm interested, and they want to text a lot before we meet up.

  15. #10
    JaggerJim
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    1,065
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    929
    You need to set the tone so the guy will follow.

    I.e - Only text to set up the date. Once date set, go on it.

    Don't allow guys to waste time with "hey how are you?" "Hey! What you doing?" texts. Just ignore them. Set the tone, that you will only be answering date type texts (when, where, what time) and that's it.

    It may piss alot of guys off not responding, but your a woman who means business and wants only date texts!!! (you can tell them that on the date - if they show up) lol

    Then have a laugh over drinks.

  16. Thanks Wiseman2 thanked for this post
  17.  

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Top Threads
I don't want to lose her, but I said foolish crap.
We've been dating for a month and a half...been on 5 dates...have done everything except have sex. Talk on the phone 6 hours a night...every night
Can guys really be non texters?
I've been bad w/spotting one sided relationships, so I want a guy who is actually interested in me. I went to an event I go every year, I knew I
Maybe losing the best love I've ever had?
Hi everyone, this is my first post, and I'm kind of struggling to get all my thoughts together, so I guess I'll just start. I'm 21, and my boyfriend
Still hung up on an abusive ex
I posted a while ago, about having had 2 great dates with this guy..and then the 3rd one kept getting postponed..2 different reasons, then he got
Fed up of paying for boyfriend
I need advice please,. Iv been with my boyfriend two years the first year and half was great and it still is except for one problem , I'm fed up of
Good lord, I feel SO stupid. Again. How should I handle this
So I was dating someone about a year ago. We dated for three months. He was the one driving the relationship...calling me his girlfriend, making
3 year anniversary or family trip :S
So me and my grandfather have been planning a trip for a few years now, each year we plan to go and the last two years I cancelled because of gf's

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Is he still in love with his EX?
I met this great guy at work (last November), he just got out of a painful breakup (last September) during that time he kept communicating with his
Can't get over girlfriends past
I've been dating this girl for about 5 months and its going great. The only issue is that I can't get over her sexual history. There are several
I dont like my girlfriends new piercing
So my girlfriend went and got nipple piercings knowing that i didnt like them and didnt tell me she was gonna get them. They are a really big turn
What I am to her ?
hey guys I want some counseling .. I met a girl online .. At first she said that she doesn't wanna fall for me and we will be just friends .. I said
I want my family back
Hi, I was dumped on New Years Eve by my ex girlfriend of 8 years whom I have a 6 year old with. We have been arguing for the past few months prior to
Anxious and depressed about being 32 yo and not married
I could really use some kind and encouraging words right now because I wake up every morning to an intense feeling of pain because I am alone. I'm 32
Ex (dumper) delays giving keys back. Why?
First time poster. Been viewing threads somewhat regularly for a few months now and figured I'd get a few opinions. I'll give a little of the
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •