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Thread: Pointless texting

  1. #1
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    Pointless texting

    Hi all,

    I wanted to solicit some feedback. In using online dating, I often encounter men who want to text daily (and sometimes multiple times a day) until we meet (I never just text endlessly--there has to be a day/time to meet set up). The problem with this is that 9 out of 10 times, it's pointless and just takes energy because when we meet, there's no chemistry and that's the end. I see no point in texting frequently but I don't know how to handle it when that's what the guy tries to do. This happened to me the past 10 days, guy kept texting, we met last night, and I don't think I'll hear from him again.

    Problem is, I don't know how to stop this. I could say "I'm definitely interested in meeting but I don't like texting a lot before hand" but that seems harsh. I have tried to take a long time to reply, not invite responses, etc., but then I think I seem rude and not interested. But I don't want to waste my time. What do you all do about this issue?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Texting is often used (or more accurately, misused) to keep people in a holding pattern while multidating. The longer they text rather than suggest meeting, the less likely there is any interest.

    Rather than mention the texting be flirty and sidestep at the same time and keep saying "so when are we having that coffee?", "when we meet I can tell you that" or similar remark. Be persistent on the "meet" topic. If they jerk you around for too long stop replying altogether. Don't bother with delayed responses etc. too passive.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I was always blunt about it, "listen, I'm not much of a texter, can't wait to meet you though. "insert some cute emoticon""

    Or ye olde busy busy busy, can't text at work, can't use cell while at work, don't use cell while at whatever, busy busy busy see you on the date.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kricket123
    Hi all,

    I wanted to solicit some feedback. In using online dating, I often encounter men who want to text daily (and sometimes multiple times a day) until we meet (I never just text endlessly--there has to be a day/time to meet set up). The problem with this is that 9 out of 10 times, it's pointless and just takes energy because when we meet, there's no chemistry and that's the end. I see no point in texting frequently but I don't know how to handle it when that's what the guy tries to do. This happened to me the past 10 days, guy kept texting, we met last night, and I don't think I'll hear from him again.

    Problem is, I don't know how to stop this. I could say "I'm definitely interested in meeting but I don't like texting a lot before hand" but that seems harsh. I have tried to take a long time to reply, not invite responses, etc., but then I think I seem rude and not interested. But I don't want to waste my time. What do you all do about this issue?
    I think your direct suggestion is fine:

    "I am not much of a texter, so I might leave some of your texts hanging. I look forward to meeting you though!"

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    I don't think messaging a lot before really meeting takes away from in person chemistry. Least it hasn't for me in pretty much any of my relationships.
    That said, you shouldn't have to explain yourself. Lots of good suggestions here to make you stance and interest clear.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
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    Ok do this.

    ONLY give out your number the day before you are scheduled to meet for the date. Do not give out your number before then. Don't spend too much time conversing on the computer, save it for the date.

    People start attaching fantasy's into who people are when there is too much talking without a meet-up. Just start going online, pick the candidate, if it's mutual set up a date, then only give number day before.

    If no-one wants to do that, then some of them are just time wasters or are just too scared to just meet up.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Texting is often used (or more accurately, misused) to keep people in a holding pattern while multidating. The longer they text rather than suggest meeting, the less likely there is any interest.
    .
    This. Then ghosting. Its easy to text, and its easy to stop responding. I won't text a whole lot before meeting. If they are truly interested, they'll want to meet and keep texting. It is irritating to feel like you're wasting your time, but just shorten that "texting until meeting" span and it won't seem as bad.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member mfan's Avatar
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    "Your texts are coming out garbled for some reason, see you Saturday. Hope you can read this."

  10. #9
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    I'll clarify that this only happens to me after we have made plans to meet. I have no patience for people who text without making plans. So the issue becomes: we have a date to meet, I'm interested, and they want to text a lot before we meet up.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
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    You need to set the tone so the guy will follow.

    I.e - Only text to set up the date. Once date set, go on it.

    Don't allow guys to waste time with "hey how are you?" "Hey! What you doing?" texts. Just ignore them. Set the tone, that you will only be answering date type texts (when, where, what time) and that's it.

    It may piss alot of guys off not responding, but your a woman who means business and wants only date texts!!! (you can tell them that on the date - if they show up) lol

    Then have a laugh over drinks.

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