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Thread: I found pics online that look like my husband - I'm afraid he's cheating on me

  1. #1
    believing2017

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    I found pics online that look like my husband - I'm afraid he's cheating on me

    I was on the craigslist m2m section and saw genital pics of what looked like my husband (it looked alarmingly similar to my husbands). The stats on the post matched my husband as well (height, town, age, married status). I haven't asked him anything about it. I wanted to get more proof that it is him. I'm 95% certain it is him. I also remember that he "trimmed" down there around the time the post was made (after a really long time of not trimming). Around that time we also didn't have sex for almost a month even though I tried initiating it several times.

    Our relationship is great, but there was a part of me that always wondered if he was gay. He used to be very attentive to me in bed, but I've always thought that there was no passion and romance in the relationship. I've brought it up with him as well but the passion aspect of it hasn't changed much. I'd settled because I loved him, and I loved what I had with him. He's my best friend and I've never had someone like him in my life.

    If you ask me why I was on the m2m section of craigslist, it's because I've had an ex that I caught talking to guys online. I later found out he found these men on the m2m section of craigslist. I've always kept an eye on that section since then just because I find it scary that so many married men are on there having discreet double lives.

    I'm at a loss for what to do and wanted some advice. At this point I'm just waiting to get more proof before confronting him. We have been together for 5 years. No kids (by choice).

  2. #2
    WithLove
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    I mean...... look, a bunch of people on here are gonna tell you that you're the issue, because you shouldn't project prior relationship anxieties on your husband. Constantly looking on Craigslist in that section is just feeding into your insecurities and making you paranoid.


    That being said - I for one completely understand where you're coming from and can't really throw stones, because it happened to me, too. I discovered that my first boyfriend advertised himself in that section and arranged to meet up several times with different men. (I didn't find this out until after our relationship and I still don't know if it happened while we were together). You never dream that stuff like this will happen to you, til it does. So my advice to you is this: when you feel like something is "off", based on my personal experience, that's because it usually is. A far better thing you need to discuss with him is why he is no longer interested in sex with you.

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    Wiseman2
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    Is the marriage otherwise happy and intact? Hunting on craig's list for m2m pics because of an ex is ruining your happiness, if nothing else in your current marriage seems off.

    Why do you think he's gay/on the down low? Lack of romance or sex for a month could be many many other things.
    Quote Originally Posted by believing2017 [Register to see the link]
    I was on the craigslist m2m section and saw genital pics of what looked like my husband.Around that time we also didn't have sex for almost a month. a part of me that always wondered if he was gay. I've always thought that there was no passion and romance in the relationship.
    If you ask me why I was on the m2m section of craigslist, it's because I've had an ex that I caught talking to guys online. I've always kept an eye on that section since then just because I find it scary that so many married men are on there having discreet double lives.

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    believing2017

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    The passion and romance has never been there... I figured he was not a romantic type of guy. And he never likes kissing on the lips.

    The marriage is otherwise very happy. The only concern is sex in general.

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    believing2017

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    Quote Originally Posted by WithLove [Register to see the link]
    I mean...... look, a bunch of people on here are gonna tell you that you're the issue, because you shouldn't project prior relationship anxieties on your husband. Constantly looking on Craigslist in that section is just feeding into your insecurities and making you paranoid.


    That being said - I for one completely understand where you're coming from and can't really throw stones, because it happened to me, too. I discovered that my first boyfriend advertised himself in that section and arranged to meet up several times with different men. (I didn't find this out until after our relationship and I still don't know if it happened while we were together). You never dream that stuff like this will happen to you, til it does. So my advice to you is this: when you feel like something is "off", based on my personal experience, that's because it usually is. A far better thing you need to discuss with him is why he is no longer interested in sex with you.
    I know.... maybe I should just talk it over with him and clear this out.... The reason I haven't brought it up yet is because I was afraid he would stop whatever he is doing for now once he know that I know, and we will come back to this again in another 5 years once he gets bold again.

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    WithLove
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    Quote Originally Posted by believing2017 [Register to see the link]
    The passion and romance has never been there... I figured he was not a romantic type of guy. And he never likes kissing on the lips.

    The marriage is otherwise very happy. The only concern is sex in general.
    Perhaps he isn't a romantic guy, but you knew that going into the marriage, right? Why would you expect that to change?

    Has sex always been a problem, or is the lack of it a more recent development?

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  10. #7
    believing2017

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    Quote Originally Posted by WithLove [Register to see the link]
    Perhaps he isn't a romantic guy, but you knew that going into the marriage, right? Why would you expect that to change?

    Has sex always been a problem, or is the lack of it a more recent development?
    Lack of it is a more recent development. We used to have sex several times a week. And then it dwindled to once a week. And now it's maybe twice a month. And at times we don't have sex for more than a month. And even when we do have sex, neither of us are "there"... I've tried being adventurous, but I know he doesn't like it (even though he used to love that kind of stuff when we first got together). So now I feel embarrassed to even try anything new.

    And you're right. I knew he was never romantic. I've brought it up with him and I've accepted it. But that combined with other things is making me wonder if there is a reason for him being the way he is.... honestly though, after bouncing things off with you now I'm beginning to wonder if I am acting irrationally with the craigslist post...

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    Wiseman2
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    Sorry to say, but you "know" nothing from looking at random male genital pics.

    Perhaps your cruising on craig's list in the the m2m section is a huge problem? Does he know you are constantly on craig's list looking at male genitalia?

    Perhaps he'll be the one to confront you about this sleazy habit? Maybe he knows you are doing it and is waiting until he consults an attorney before confronting you?
    Quote Originally Posted by believing2017 [Register to see the link]
    The reason I haven't brought it up yet is because I was afraid he would stop whatever he is doing for now once he know that I know.

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    believing2017

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    Quote Originally Posted by WithLove [Register to see the link]
    Perhaps he isn't a romantic guy, but you knew that going into the marriage, right? Why would you expect that to change?

    Has sex always been a problem, or is the lack of it a more recent development?
    He also started getting a little protective of his phone which I thought was very weird. Because we normally use each other's phones all the time.

  14. #10
    j.man
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    I'm pretty sure the reason you're not bringing it up is because you'd look real goofy sitting across the dinner table and saying, "So I was looking through the m2m section on craigslist and found your penis."

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