Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 19 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 189

Thread: Can I Safely Date Older Men?

  1. #11
    SkyBlue98
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    61
    Thanked
    7
    It's not great, to be honest. I think you're right but that doesn't change the fact that physically and emotionally I'm really just not attracted to guys my age so I'm stuck in this awkward place and don't really know what to do.

  2. #12
    Jeffbobo
    Gold Member Jeffbobo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Minneapolis
    Age
    47
    Posts
    635
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    346
    There *are* guys that have goals, ambition and know where they're going in life that are your age and a few years older. There are also guys in their 40's that just don't have it together by that point in their lives; don't assume that age is synonymous with having it all together. The great thing about finding someone in your age group, preferably someone who has direction as mentioned above, is that you can both experience that trip through life together. It's just finding a guy your age with the right mindset.

  3. #13
    Jibralta
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Age
    39
    Posts
    1,368
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1041
    Quote Originally Posted by Wiseman2 [Register to see the link]
    Agree..that's a fantasy. Dating sites are not for mentoring or friends. They are for dating and sex and relationships.
    Yes, a fantasy.

    SkyBlue, Wiseman makes a good point. Generally speaking, people on dating sites are not there to serve other people. They are there to serve their own interests.

    Another thing, very few 40-year old men or women have the desire to befriend and mentor 18 year olds for purely altruistic purposes. Time becomes more precious as we get older. We have our careers, relationships, and children to manage. We tend to be become extremely protective of these things, as we have often invested years if not decades into them already. Many of us hardly have time to cultivate new friendships with people our own age, let alone 18 year olds. There is quite a maturity gap there, which would take patience and time to bridge, and frankly one who embarks upon the effort probably has ulterior motives, like the desire to sleep with you. A true mentor, for example one you would find in a career setting or a perhaps a church setting, isn't motivated by sex. Neither is a true mentee. "Mentor to lover" is a fantasy.

    You say that you feel "more connected" with 40 year olds. But let me ask you, do you have any friends who are in their 40s?

  4. Thanks Wiseman2, RainyCoast thanked for this post
  5. #14
    SkyBlue98
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    61
    Thanked
    7
    Quote Originally Posted by Jibralta [Register to see the link]
    Yes, a fantasy.

    SkyBlue, Wiseman makes a good point. Generally speaking, people on dating sites are not there to serve other people. They are there to serve their own interests.

    Another thing, very few 40-year old men or women have the desire to befriend and mentor 18 year olds for purely altruistic purposes. Time becomes more precious as we get older. We have our careers, relationships, and children to manage. We tend to be become extremely protective of these things, as we have often invested years if not decades into them already. Many of us hardly have time to cultivate new friendships with people our own age, let alone 18 year olds. There is quite a maturity gap there, which would take patience and time to bridge, and frankly one who embarks upon the effort probably has ulterior motives, like the desire to sleep with you. A true mentor, for example one you would find in a career setting or a perhaps a church setting, isn't motivated by sex. Neither is a true mentee. "Mentor to lover" is a fantasy.

    You say that you feel "more connected" with 40 year olds. But let me ask you, do you have any friends who are in their 40s?
    Actually, one of the women who I have felt closest to in the world (not a member of my family either) is 55 yrs old. This is my point; I feel much more alive around people who are older than me.

    I'm also not talking about meeting a mentor on a dating site; I was talking about in life. I don't expect a mentor to turn into a boyfriend- what I really want is just to meet someone who I can connect with and learn from. I don't expect someone to put their marriage/kids on the line for me; actually that's exactly what I don't want.

  6. Thanks Jibralta, Rising100 thanked for this post
  7. #15
    j.man
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    6,574
    Thanked
    7465
    Quote Originally Posted by SkyBlue98 [Register to see the link]
    My fantasy is to meet someone older than me naturally
    In what world are people 22+ years older than each other meeting "naturally?" I mean other than the subway or where one or the other is in a position of authority? You don't even have people in nursing homes covering that wide a spectrum.

    Honestly, just google image "sexy george clooney" and have at it, then when you're back down to earth, start considering closer to your age range. Because if it's maturity you want, you'd stand a much better chance with someone around your age than a 40+ year old looking for some barely-out-of-high-school tail.

  8. Thanks Wiseman2, RainyCoast thanked for this post
  9. #16
    Wiseman2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    19,250
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    13981
    Why don't you go to college? Plenty of mentors and people you can learn from there. It sounds more like your life lacks direction than that you "are attracted to older men".

    Check online for some universities and colleges you can go to, start applying and visiting campuses. You'll get plenty of direction and focus for yourself and lots of smart, mature, mentoring people there.
    Quote Originally Posted by SkyBlue98 [Register to see the link]
    I'm also not talking about meeting a mentor on a dating site; I was talking about in life. I don't expect a mentor to turn into a boyfriend- what I really want is just to meet someone who I can connect with and learn from.

  10. Thanks RainyCoast thanked for this post
  11. #17
    SkyBlue98
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    61
    Thanked
    7
    Quote Originally Posted by j.man [Register to see the link]
    In what world are people 22+ years older than each other meeting "naturally?" I mean other than the subway or where one or the other is in a position of authority? You don't even have people in nursing homes covering that wide a spectrum.

    Honestly, just google image "sexy george clooney" and have at it, then when you're back down to earth, start considering closer to your age range. Because if it's maturity you want, you'd stand a much better chance with someone around your age than a 40+ year old looking for some barely-out-of-high-school tail.
    Riiight, looking at George Clooney is going to solve all my problems. Did you even read my whole question? If you're going to be so rude and dismissive, why even bother answering?

  12. #18
    Jibralta
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Age
    39
    Posts
    1,368
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1041
    Quote Originally Posted by SkyBlue98 [Register to see the link]
    I'm also not talking about meeting a mentor on a dating site; I was talking about in life. I don't expect a mentor to turn into a boyfriend- what I really want is just to meet someone who I can connect with and learn from. I don't expect someone to put their marriage/kids on the line for me; actually that's exactly what I don't want.
    Good. This makes me happy to hear (see).

    Quote Originally Posted by SkyBlue98 [Register to see the link]
    Actually, one of the women who I have felt closest to in the world (not a member of my family either) is 55 yrs old. This is my point; I feel much more alive around people who are older than me.
    Well, I often feel comforted by people who are older and wiser than me, too--especially if they are kind and caring. It's natural, I think.

    But my question was more along the lines of, do you have a regular group of 40-yo friends who you see and hang out with socially, on a regular basis?

  13. #19
    JaggerJim
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    1,251
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1108
    Does your dad have any hot single older friends to hit on?

  14. #20
    itsallgrand
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    14,481
    Thanked
    1715
    If you aren't attracted to men who are appropriate and available to date , maybe you just aren't ready to date at all. You don't want to hear that but it's valid. What's the rush ?

    Once you build up some life experience, your tastes may change. Once you fill this need of guidance in your life, the attraction may no longer be so limiting in scope.

  15. Thanks RainyCoast, agent, Andrina thanked for this post
  16.  

Page 2 of 19 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Top Threads
She became distant when her ex-husband got married. Now I'm friend zoned.
I (39/M) met her (31/F) on a dating site a month and a half ago. We've gone on several dates. I have spent the night at her place five or six times
Weight and eating during dates
Hi, been a while since I've posted here. Anyway been dating a guy for last few months, everything seemed to be going pretty well for the most part
Boyfriend joined a Christian Motorcycle Club. I'm Agnostic.
[FONT=Book Antiqua][/FONT] Hello! First post. My boyfriend is a wonderful man. He's an Iraq vet, a giving, loving, beautiful man. We are both
An ephiphany - realization.
So I went on a tinder date with someone new just to see if I could get into someone new after what happened with my college friend. I wasn't
Let this be a lesson to all men trying to find that special someone
Always delete old text messages to avoid sending a message to the wrong person. I have a date tomorrow and thought I was emailing my friend and
Dating 2 girls at the same time AND choosing 1
OK so in this day and age and with the nature of online dating some times you send out like 3-5 messages to girls you might like and some times 1 or
Dating a highly functional alcoholic
I have realized over time that my boyfriend of a couple of months has a problem with alcohol. Every time we hang out, he drinks a whole bottle of

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
She became distant when her ex-husband got married. Now I'm friend zoned.
I (39/M) met her (31/F) on a dating site a month and a half ago. We've gone on several dates. I have spent the night at her place five or six times
Let this be a lesson to all men trying to find that special someone
Always delete old text messages to avoid sending a message to the wrong person. I have a date tomorrow and thought I was emailing my friend and
On and off relationships... help
I've been dating this guy on and off for about 5 months now. We get into fights, end things then get back together. ( i know this isnt a healthy
Wife will divorce if I go back to the military
Good morning everyone. I have been married for 4 years, been with my wife for 6. We met online when I was deployed in Afghanistan and when I
Really Raw Inside and totally numb
[COLOR=#0000cd]Hello every one. [/COLOR] [COLOR=#0000cd]I,m having a bad day today so I have joined this to write everything down and maybe it
I wanted to clarify things but...
Hi I have a guy friend, we know each other for long time because we went to same school but we never really spoke before. We started hanging
How bad are restraining orders
I'll preface this by saying I was very mentally unhealthy through all of this. Anyway awhile back I finally got the dream girl I wanted for 8 years
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •