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Thread: Can I Safely Date Older Men?

  1. #11
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    It's not great, to be honest. I think you're right but that doesn't change the fact that physically and emotionally I'm really just not attracted to guys my age so I'm stuck in this awkward place and don't really know what to do.

  2. #12
    Gold Member Jeffbobo's Avatar
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    There *are* guys that have goals, ambition and know where they're going in life that are your age and a few years older. There are also guys in their 40's that just don't have it together by that point in their lives; don't assume that age is synonymous with having it all together. The great thing about finding someone in your age group, preferably someone who has direction as mentioned above, is that you can both experience that trip through life together. It's just finding a guy your age with the right mindset.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Agree..that's a fantasy. Dating sites are not for mentoring or friends. They are for dating and sex and relationships.
    Yes, a fantasy.

    SkyBlue, Wiseman makes a good point. Generally speaking, people on dating sites are not there to serve other people. They are there to serve their own interests.

    Another thing, very few 40-year old men or women have the desire to befriend and mentor 18 year olds for purely altruistic purposes. Time becomes more precious as we get older. We have our careers, relationships, and children to manage. We tend to be become extremely protective of these things, as we have often invested years if not decades into them already. Many of us hardly have time to cultivate new friendships with people our own age, let alone 18 year olds. There is quite a maturity gap there, which would take patience and time to bridge, and frankly one who embarks upon the effort probably has ulterior motives, like the desire to sleep with you. A true mentor, for example one you would find in a career setting or a perhaps a church setting, isn't motivated by sex. Neither is a true mentee. "Mentor to lover" is a fantasy.

    You say that you feel "more connected" with 40 year olds. But let me ask you, do you have any friends who are in their 40s?

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Yes, a fantasy.

    SkyBlue, Wiseman makes a good point. Generally speaking, people on dating sites are not there to serve other people. They are there to serve their own interests.

    Another thing, very few 40-year old men or women have the desire to befriend and mentor 18 year olds for purely altruistic purposes. Time becomes more precious as we get older. We have our careers, relationships, and children to manage. We tend to be become extremely protective of these things, as we have often invested years if not decades into them already. Many of us hardly have time to cultivate new friendships with people our own age, let alone 18 year olds. There is quite a maturity gap there, which would take patience and time to bridge, and frankly one who embarks upon the effort probably has ulterior motives, like the desire to sleep with you. A true mentor, for example one you would find in a career setting or a perhaps a church setting, isn't motivated by sex. Neither is a true mentee. "Mentor to lover" is a fantasy.

    You say that you feel "more connected" with 40 year olds. But let me ask you, do you have any friends who are in their 40s?
    Actually, one of the women who I have felt closest to in the world (not a member of my family either) is 55 yrs old. This is my point; I feel much more alive around people who are older than me.

    I'm also not talking about meeting a mentor on a dating site; I was talking about in life. I don't expect a mentor to turn into a boyfriend- what I really want is just to meet someone who I can connect with and learn from. I don't expect someone to put their marriage/kids on the line for me; actually that's exactly what I don't want.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SkyBlue98
    My fantasy is to meet someone older than me naturally
    In what world are people 22+ years older than each other meeting "naturally?" I mean other than the subway or where one or the other is in a position of authority? You don't even have people in nursing homes covering that wide a spectrum.

    Honestly, just google image "sexy george clooney" and have at it, then when you're back down to earth, start considering closer to your age range. Because if it's maturity you want, you'd stand a much better chance with someone around your age than a 40+ year old looking for some barely-out-of-high-school tail.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why don't you go to college? Plenty of mentors and people you can learn from there. It sounds more like your life lacks direction than that you "are attracted to older men".

    Check online for some universities and colleges you can go to, start applying and visiting campuses. You'll get plenty of direction and focus for yourself and lots of smart, mature, mentoring people there.
    Originally Posted by SkyBlue98
    I'm also not talking about meeting a mentor on a dating site; I was talking about in life. I don't expect a mentor to turn into a boyfriend- what I really want is just to meet someone who I can connect with and learn from.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    In what world are people 22+ years older than each other meeting "naturally?" I mean other than the subway or where one or the other is in a position of authority? You don't even have people in nursing homes covering that wide a spectrum.

    Honestly, just google image "sexy george clooney" and have at it, then when you're back down to earth, start considering closer to your age range. Because if it's maturity you want, you'd stand a much better chance with someone around your age than a 40+ year old looking for some barely-out-of-high-school tail.
    Riiight, looking at George Clooney is going to solve all my problems. Did you even read my whole question? If you're going to be so rude and dismissive, why even bother answering?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SkyBlue98
    I'm also not talking about meeting a mentor on a dating site; I was talking about in life. I don't expect a mentor to turn into a boyfriend- what I really want is just to meet someone who I can connect with and learn from. I don't expect someone to put their marriage/kids on the line for me; actually that's exactly what I don't want.
    Good. This makes me happy to hear (see).

    Originally Posted by SkyBlue98
    Actually, one of the women who I have felt closest to in the world (not a member of my family either) is 55 yrs old. This is my point; I feel much more alive around people who are older than me.
    Well, I often feel comforted by people who are older and wiser than me, too--especially if they are kind and caring. It's natural, I think.

    But my question was more along the lines of, do you have a regular group of 40-yo friends who you see and hang out with socially, on a regular basis?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
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    Does your dad have any hot single older friends to hit on?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    If you aren't attracted to men who are appropriate and available to date , maybe you just aren't ready to date at all. You don't want to hear that but it's valid. What's the rush ?

    Once you build up some life experience, your tastes may change. Once you fill this need of guidance in your life, the attraction may no longer be so limiting in scope.

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