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Thread: Can I Safely Date Older Men?

  1. #1
    SkyBlue98
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    Can I Safely Date Older Men?

    If you're reading this, thank you so much and I'll try not to go on and on basically I'm an 18 year old girl and I'm very inexperienced at relationships. I've never had a boyfriend, and the farthest I've ever gone with a guy is having one awkwardly shove his tongue into my mouth at prom. So, basically nothing.

    For whatever reason I've always been attracted to older men. In my defense, I really like older women as well, in a friendly way- I probably feel more connected to them than girls my age. But I REALLY like older men, like men in their 40s and sometimes even older. I think they just seem so much more intelligent and they have so much to say. I just can't really feel very much for guys my age- some of them are sweet, but I just don't feel attraction.

    If I was in my 20s this wouldn't be a big deal, but I'm only 18. I'm on okcupid and I do sometimes get contacted by men in their 40s but then I'm not really impressed with those guys... They seem immature, if they're 40-something and hitting on an 18-year-old online.

    My fantasy is to meet someone older than me naturally, someone who I could start out having a friendship with, or who could almost be like a mentor to me. Someone who wouldn't meet me and be looking at me with the intention of eventually sleeping with me. But who knows how long that could take? I really have the urge to be with someone, but I want it to be someone I can like and respect, and vice versa.

    I was thinking of just finding guys on okcupid who seem nice and then messaging them, but I just wish I could meet someone in a more natural way... What are your thoughts? (Oh, and please don't tell me to just wait a few years. That may be the obvious answer, but that's also really difficult.)

    Thank you!

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  3. #2
    melancholy123
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    Any 40ish or older guy who expresses an interest in you, knowing you are 18, is looking to get laid. That's it, nothing more. Focus on young men in your own age group.

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  5. #3
    lostandhurt
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    Any guy on OLD that sees that you are interested in 40 something men will think you want a sugar daddy, a guy to take care of you, buy you things and of course have sex.

    It sounds like you want a father figure not a bf.

    You will not find what you are looking for online, make friends at work, hang out where the crowd is a little older than you and smile and talk to guys and I am sure you will get attention.

    Lost

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  7. #4
    agent
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    You're not going to make friends on okcupid any more than you are on other dating sites. The guys who contact you on there are doing so for the express purpose of dating/sleeping with an 18 year old.

    All you can do to fulfill the criteria you have is meet more old men. That said, most 40 yr old men who'd date an 18 year old are well... yeah, age is no indicator of intelligence.

    Sounds to me more like you want an older guy who'd make you feel safe but without actually moving on an attraction to you. That is not really possible. Don't start off your romantic life by trying to find a second Daddy.

  8. #5
    gebaird
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    This probably isn't what you want to hear, but how's your relationship with your dad? You may be trying to compensate for some deficiency in that area.

    I know a lot of nice guys who are 40+, none of whom would date an 18-year-old.

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  10. #6
    Wiseman2
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    There are a few of dating sites specifically for that:

    [Register to see the link]

    [Register to see the link]

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  12. #7
    HeartGoesOn
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    Be careful to avoid opening yourself up for being an easy target, where you can be seen as someone who can easily be taken advantage of. I think it's safe to say that the majority of men in their 40's who choose to get involved with an 18 y/o, are banking on your vulnerability.

    Be safe...

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    JaggerJim
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    I think you should try men 25-30 age range if your looking for older.

    It's not too much older. 40+ is too old and creepy.

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    JaggerJim
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiseman2 [Register to see the link]
    There are a few of dating sites specifically for that:

    [Register to see the link]

    [Register to see the link]
    LooooooL!!!

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  17. #10
    Wiseman2
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    Agree..that's a fantasy. Dating sites are not for mentoring or friends. They are for dating and sex and relationships. Try dating some collage aged guys. They may be more mature, intelligent and interesting to you than high school boys. Middle aged men are often married and have kids your age.
    Quote Originally Posted by SkyBlue98 [Register to see the link]
    My fantasy is to meet someone older than me naturally, someone who I could start out having a friendship with, or who could almost be like a mentor to me. Someone who wouldn't meet me and be looking at me with the intention of eventually sleeping with me.

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