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Thread: Should I stay friends with my ex in hopes that he will come back?

  1. #1

    Should I stay friends with my ex in hopes that he will come back?

    I am 16. My ex is 22. My ex thought I was 17 because that is what the mutual friend who set us up told him. 5 months after our relationship he said something about me being 17 and I told him I was 16 and he freaked out. We hadn't gotten physical yet because he wanted to wait till I'm older. Anyways, two days later after he found out I am in fact 16, he broke up with me. He says he loves me very much but he feels disgusted with himself and weirded out. I totally understand that. We're still talking even after we've broken up. I am only talking because I hope if we keep talking and I get older he'll come back to me but I don't know if he will? When I asked him if we'll ever be together again he said he didn't know. What should I do in such a situation?

  2. #2
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    This actually happens a lot, more than you ever thought. I truly respect him for restraint, so do the same for him. So the best advice is to back off and live your life. As you said in the future there may be a chance but you have to think of right now. There is a long time till you bump into each other again, so spend it on life and experiences (it is a small world, bumping into ppl happens a lot). Make plans for future but also live day by day. Pining over him is just going to scare him off and any future hook up. Peace dude.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Pretzel's Avatar
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    I find this situation weird for so many reasons. You haven't explained the context in which you met and how things developed, and whether you had a chat about your relationship being exclusive, boyfriend & girlfriend, etc. and at what stage that happened. It's also unnatural (to me) to not have become physically involved with someone to claim you love romantically after 5 months along. Had you kissed at least? How far did things go? Did you discuss at what stage things were going to progress?
    I believe if he was truly invested in the relationship, you telling him that you are one year younger than you are, although not ideal, shouldn't be an absolute deal breaker and 'freak him out' so much. I would say perhaps he was having doubts before this and he found something to latch onto and freak out about.
    I don't think it is worth you holding onto him in any capacity. If you do, it will stop you from moving on and meeting the right person. I don't think think it's healthy for you to be dating someone older if they are going to have issues with your age gap, it will only make you feel bad about yourself even if you don't consciously realise it.
    His dramatic reaction also isn't very helpful or respectful so I think you can do better for yourself. Hard to believe now but you're better off preoccupying yourself with others or new things to move on and you'll thank yourself later down the line.

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    Also the talking to each other after breaking up, is just going to make things worse but you will find that out. It will be one of those lessons you learn from experience. You didn't matter too each other in the relationship if you can talk to each other afterwards. After all it just brings up questions and feelings that can't be discussed without pain or avoidance.

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    I graduated college around 22 years old and was student teaching high school students.

    What business does a 22 year old adult have around minors? Even if you were 17 it would of been illegal.

    Sorry OP, you are better off dating peers within your school or age group. Count this as a blessing in disguise that he was not a sexual predator on children.

    I believe if he was truly invested in the relationship, you telling him that you are one year younger than you are, although not ideal, shouldn't be an absolute deal breaker and 'freak him out' so much.
    Oh yes it is a big deal. 16 years old is a CHILD. There's such a thing called statutory rape- when an adult makes sexual contact with a child. The boyfriend thought even though she is 17, he could wait it out for a few/several months until she was 18 to have sexual contact.

    The fact is that the OP LIED to him about her age. That truth she kept from him could of landed him in PRISON. Hello, remember what happened to R. Kelly when he "thought" the person he made sexual contact with was 18, but turned out to be 13?

    I don't blame the ex boyfriend. However he reallly needs to back away from high school students and start dating peers his age.
    Last edited by Snny; 01-06-2017 at 06:46 AM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member greta96's Avatar
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    Staying friends with an ex right after the breakup is one surefire way to ensure they will never get back together with you romantically. Are you prepared to hear about his dating life and maybe even meet the new women in his life? Because that's what friends do, you know.

  8. #7
    Silver Member Pretzel's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Snny
    I graduated college around 22 years old and was student teaching high school students.

    What business does a 22 year old adult have around minors? Even if you were 17 it would of been illegal.

    Sorry OP, you are better off dating peers within your school or age group. Count this as a blessing in disguise that he was not a sexual predator on children.


    Oh yes it is a big deal. 16 years old is a CHILD. There's such a thing called statutory rape- when an adult makes sexual contact with a child. The boyfriend thought even though she is 17, he could wait it out for a few/several months until she was 18 to have sexual contact.

    The fact is that the OP LIED to him about her age. That truth she kept from him could of landed him in PRISON. Hello, remember what happened to R. Kelly when he "thought" the person he made sexual contact with was 18, but turned out to be 13?

    I don't blame the ex boyfriend. However he reallly needs to back away from high school students and start dating peers his age.
    Ah sorry I just realised that in the USA the age of consent is 18. I am in the UK, and the age of legal consent here is 16. Hence my taking the one year difference to be immaterial in the circumstances where there was already a big age gap anyway.

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    No , consider it over and done darling , he now views you in a totally different light .

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Tell your parents a 22 y/o man is pursuing you. He did the right thing ending it when you were honest about your age. He could have been arrested for statutory rape or pedophilia had this gone further, depending on where you live. Date boys your own age. Stop contact with him.
    Originally Posted by distractee
    I am 16. My ex is 22. he said something about me being 17 and I told him I was 16 and he freaked out. two days later after he found out I am in fact 16, he broke up with me.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member happyfrank's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Snny
    I graduated college around 22 years old and was student teaching high school students.

    What business does a 22 year old adult have around minors? Even if you were 17 it would of been illegal.

    Sorry OP, you are better off dating peers within your school or age group. Count this as a blessing in disguise that he was not a sexual predator on children.


    Oh yes it is a big deal. 16 years old is a CHILD. There's such a thing called statutory rape- when an adult makes sexual contact with a child. The boyfriend thought even though she is 17, he could wait it out for a few/several months until she was 18 to have sexual contact.

    The fact is that the OP LIED to him about her age. That truth she kept from him could of landed him in PRISON. Hello, remember what happened to R. Kelly when he "thought" the person he made sexual contact with was 18, but turned out to be 13?

    I don't blame the ex boyfriend. However he reallly needs to back away from high school students and start dating peers his age.
    In some states here. The legal consent age is 16 & 17.. Maybe in her state 17 is the min. Maybe that is a reason why he was upset.

    I was 20 and met this girl who I thought was 18. I met her mother before taking her out on date. We broke up a few months after because my mother didn't like her. She came to visit me at the base with my folks.

    I found out 6 years after she was 16 when we first met. She could of ruined my life so I didn't try to rekindle the relationship when we met again and rejected her.

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