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Thread: He ignores me when I look hot?!

  1. #1
    Ivegonemad
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    He ignores me when I look hot?!

    So I've talked in previous posts about the guy at work I hooked up with. I tried to forget him, dated another guy for a while. We've since split, and even though I'm trying so hard to resist it, the feelings for the work guy are coming back. Hard.

    One weird thing I have noticed about him though...he completely ignores me on days when I look my best. Now I know that sounds ridiculous. But I work in a very close quarters office. Whenever I dress nicely, he avoids me all day. At first I thought it to be coincidence. But I've started to take notice, and there's clearly a trend. The days I feel like I look like hot stuff, the days I want him to talk to me, he avoids me like the plague. The days I come in to work and my hair is in a messy bun, I have last nights makeup on, he'll find any excuse, or blatantly no excuse at all to come over to my cubicle and chat. I don't get it. He does weird things that maybe only I would notice bc I'm super attentive to detail, but he always sits across from me at company lunches/functions. Again, at first I thought it was coincidence. But then I made effort to sit in places that would make it weird or hard for him to find a spot directly across from me ( like he would have to sit with non friends) and he still would sit right across from me. Even another coworker noticed it, and I said nothing. She also asked why he talks to me randomly about "nothing". Another stupid thing, but he always parks his car either right next to mine or directly across from mine. I know this sounds dumb, but again, I've at times parked in the far back of the lot, and he still parks close to me. (My admiration of his car was a big part of our conversation that lead to the initial hookup.)

    I just don't know what to think about this guy. I went over and talked to him today since I felt like he avoided me all day. He literally sat there and giggled the entire time I talked to him. It was weird. In my heart of hearts I really feel like he likes me. But in my mind I feel like I'm crazy. And in my soul I feel like when I look into his eyes that I've known him for lifetimes. I've got it bad. Still. Help!

  2. #2
    Capricorn3
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    Sounds like you are trying to "dress to impress" and he senses you are fishing for compliments and finds it a bit off-putting? Trust me, this type of thing comes off fairly obvious to all those around you, even though you don't think so. Just something to think about.

  3. #3
    Blue Dreamer
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    Maybe he likes the "real/natural" you, not the "dressed" up doll. I am of that type who prefers minimal or no makeup and really dont like the fancy clothing. If you like to make up & dress nicely and he don't, maybe you are not a match. You should ask him exactly what you are asking us. Why don't you like when I dress up? Don't pain yourself more then need be. It will only impact you more down the road.

  4. #4
    SooSad33
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    Why are you trying to impress or get involved with guys.. from your workplace?
    One of the worst places for the idea of involvement.

    And as for this dude avoiding you when yer all purdy? Maybe he feels a touch overwhelmed.. like you're too good for him

    Be yourself! Stop trying so hard.. to impress them all. You'll lose yourself in the end... if they dont like you for who you are.

  5. #5
    pippy longstocking
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    I told him I wanted honesty and the truth so that I could have closure. He replied and told me that it's because I have a child, he thought he was ready for a relationship with someone who has a kid, but has since realized he isn't, he "got scared
    ^^^^ That should be enough for you to stop giving him all this time and effort in your head ...your child is first ......he doesn't want to know because you have your child ...let that be reason enough to just move on with your life .

  6. #6
    Hollyj
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    Quote Originally Posted by pippy longstocking [Register to see the link]
    ^^^^ That should be enough for you to stop giving him all this time and effort in your head ...your child is first ......he doesn't want to know because you have your child ...let that be reason enough to just move on with your life .
    I agree! Why are you wasting your time!!! He told you he doesn't want a relationship!!!! Shouldn't you listen!

  7. #7
    Blue68
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    Quote Originally Posted by pippy longstocking [Register to see the link]
    ^^^^ That should be enough for you to stop giving him all this time and effort in your head ...your child is first ......he doesn't want to know because you have your child ...let that be reason enough to just move on with your life .
    I was thinking along the lines of the others ...... that he prefers the messy bun look and not the dressed up look. But this snippet of information above tells a whole different story. Maybe he does like you in the same way you like him and therefore finds it hard to avoid you. However, he has chosen NOT to take things further for a reason that should be extremely important to you. There is no point in getting involved with someone who does not want to be around your child. i know it's hard but you are going to have to train yourself to stop thinking about him. I say that because I am in the same position.

    I really started to like this guy at work. I'd often catch him looking at me but then he'd look away quickly when our eyes met. We would do this whole "eye dance" thing throughout the day. He seemed to walk by me rather a lot too. One day a colleague who he works closely with (and with whom I am very friendly) told me he liked me. Apparently she and a few others would wind him up a little about it. In time it became common knowledge that we liked each other, even though we still didn't really speak much. This went on for months and months and months. Then there was the work's Christmas party ..... I knew people were expecting us to get together. To be honest, so did I. In fact, I was only invited to the Christmas party (through my friend) because he wanted me there as I'm not a part of their team. Unfortunately, it all well horribly wrong. I was a little bit tipsy but I can remember that he had his arm around me at one point. However, he also had his arm around someone else at some point too. Stories about him and "those who had gone before me" started to circulate as well. Apparently he always has his eye on someone. Some woman (who I have since found out has always liked him herself) even went as far as telling me that he always goes for the "airheads". I wasn't sure how to take that. She did eventually add that I was too good for him and I'd be a fool to get involved with him but I think that was her passive aggressive way of telling me to back off as she left the "airhead" comment hanging around for too long before adding that. Oh I dunno, it all went horribly wrong. I was seeing and hearing things I hadn't been expecting and, at my age, I am beyond all this high school stuff.

    It turns out he's a proper casanova (or at least he likes to think he is). I went home upset but realised, nevertheless, that I'd had a lucky escape. I still see him looking at me at work. I guess I'm still a challenge. He still walks by me .... tries to talk to me a bit more now too and, to be honest, I still feel "flutterings" when I see him but I know that no good would come of being involved with him for soooooo many reasons so I am literally having to retrain my way of thinking when I am at work and around him. I am trying not to make him the big focus that he once was .... and had been for a long time. I have to remind myself that he isn't the shy, quiet guy I thought he was. I try to avoid him at all costs now. It's the only way .... and it's what you need to do too. There is no point bringing someone into your life who will not be able to give you want you want. You have a little one to think about. You don't want guys floating willy nilly into her life and you don't want her to pick up on your angst should you end up involved with someone who may very well be flakey. Forget him! It's just not worth your emotional effort.
    Last edited by Blue68; 01-06-2017 at 04:53 AM.

  8. #8
    pippy longstocking
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    Hiya bluey darling xxx

    I am sorry to read that ...I want to read a proper romance from you one of these , I know I WILL xx Glad you got yourself out and realised you had to give him a miss .. we all have to learn to act on the red flags that are being waved in our faces .

  9. #9
    greta96
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    Concerning the avoidance when you dress hot, I think it has to do with the vibe you put out when you do so, I can't really explain it but it's something that men sense and steer clear of. The closest example I have for you is back when I was going out with friends to a bar or something: every time I dressed in a way I thought was 'hot' and with the intent to meet someone, I got minimal to no attention from the opposite sex. However every time I dressed casually and didn't care about meeting anyone, I'd receive tons of attention and numbers. Go figure! Maybe men can explain this better than I can... But clearly the lesson is that you're better off being yourself and not going to great lengths to 'dress to impress'.

    As for the other stuff, the guy sounds a little socially awkward and his actions and reactions are quite off-putting. My feeling is that you'd be better off letting go of this crush, as difficult as it may be since you have to see him at work often. If he really liked you and wanted more, he would have made it known in more concrete ways than just sitting across from you or parking by or across your car! It's not like he's shy, you already hooked up so I would like to believe if he was comfortable enough to let his penis go inside you, he should have no problem asking you out for a real date.

  10. #10
    Ivegonemad
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    Not talking about that guy. ( the person who quoted my previous post)
    Last edited by Ivegonemad; 01-06-2017 at 08:08 AM. Reason: Forgot to quote

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