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Thread: What did i do wrong here??

  1. #1
    avoidatallcost
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    What did i do wrong here??

    I was wondering if you guys could help me out here. This girl I was seeing for a few months just broke up with me last night. But it seems like her reason was so strange, I was hoping you could help me make some sense out of this.

    She's 22 (I'm 37) and she's young and really pretty. Great body. Fun Personality, very caring. Things were going great, but there were some odd things about her. For one she was very promiscuous.. she's had like 23 (admitted) sex partners and she's only 22. She has had a threesome with two guys. I just wrote this off as crazy things kids do these days. At the time she did that, she was 18 and she told me that some guy she was into suggested a threesome, and she got so angry that she had the threesome with two other guys to get back at him. I thought this was worrisome, but I figured hey we all do stupid things when we're young right? But I couldn't help but think she might have some kind of personality or mood disorder.

    So anyway.. things went great between me and this girl. I spent Christmas with her and her family. We became very close, we were together almost all the time. She seemed insecure though.. at one point she demanded to look through my iphone and laptop. I refused.. she said she couldn't trust me. So I deleted all the offending files and let her go through my things. She was satisfied, and thing were ok for a while.

    Now two days ago she came over and wanted to clean my room. So i told her ok sure. I figured any really bad things such as compromising pictures with old exes were already gone. But she found a bunch of some of my old porn dvd's and demanded I throw them out. I told her nah, I'll just put them in a box and leave them in the basement. She seemed upset, but I didn't think it was that bad. She left later that night without saying bye. I knew she was upset, but i figured hey it's not fair for someone to come to my house and just order me to throw out my personal property, no matter how offensive or disgusting they might think it is. Now I don't even watch those dvd's, as they're all online anyway, but still. I didn't really want to throw everything out at that moment.

    So.. the next day i don't hear from her at all. I knew something was really wrong. But i didn't message her, i figured i'd let her calm down. But at 7pm that night, she calls me. She tells me she is breaking up with me because I refused to throw out the dvd's. I was stunned. But she was serious. She was crying, telling me how she can't believe that I would choose to keep old porn dvd's around and upset her. She basically claimed I chose the porn dvd's over her.

    I was shocked, and still am. I messaged her last night, and no response. I messaged her again today thinking a good night's sleep might calm her down.. but again i've gotten no response.

    So ya.. just to add a couple of things: she hasn't had a relationship in four years, since she was 18. I find this highly suspicious as well. Also, when she broke up with me she was saying that me and her are different and we can't be together and that she's crying because she realized that. What the hell is going on here?

    What is your take on this? Was I out of line? Is she right or is she crazy?

  2. #2
    Rizzo44

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    Quote Originally Posted by avoidatallcost [Register to see the link]
    I was wondering if you guys could help me out here. This girl I was seeing for a few months just broke up with me last night. But it seems like her reason was so strange, I was hoping you could help me make some sense out of this.

    She's 22 (I'm 37) and she's young and really pretty. Great body. Fun Personality, very caring. Things were going great, but there were some odd things about her. For one she was very promiscuous.. she's had like 23 (admitted) sex partners and she's only 22. She has had a threesome with two guys. I just wrote this off as crazy things kids do these days. At the time she did that, she was 18 and she told me that some guy she was into suggested a threesome, and she got so angry that she had the threesome with two other guys to get back at him. I thought this was worrisome, but I figured hey we all do stupid things when we're young right? But I couldn't help but think she might have some kind of personality or mood disorder.

    So anyway.. things went great between me and this girl. I spent Christmas with her and her family. We became very close, we were together almost all the time. She seemed insecure though.. at one point she demanded to look through my iphone and laptop. I refused.. she said she couldn't trust me. So I deleted all the offending files and let her go through my things. She was satisfied, and thing were ok for a while.

    Now two days ago she came over and wanted to clean my room. So i told her ok sure. I figured any really bad things such as compromising pictures with old exes were already gone. But she found a bunch of some of my old porn dvd's and demanded I throw them out. I told her nah, I'll just put them in a box and leave them in the basement. She seemed upset, but I didn't think it was that bad. She left later that night without saying bye. I knew she was upset, but i figured hey it's not fair for someone to come to my house and just order me to throw out my personal property, no matter how offensive or disgusting they might think it is. Now I don't even watch those dvd's, as they're all online anyway, but still. I didn't really want to throw everything out at that moment.

    So.. the next day i don't hear from her at all. I knew something was really wrong. But i didn't message her, i figured i'd let her calm down. But at 7pm that night, she calls me. She tells me she is breaking up with me because I refused to throw out the dvd's. I was stunned. But she was serious. She was crying, telling me how she can't believe that I would choose to keep old porn dvd's around and upset her. She basically claimed I chose the porn dvd's over her.

    I was shocked, and still am. I messaged her last night, and no response. I messaged her again today thinking a good night's sleep might calm her down.. but again i've gotten no response.

    So ya.. just to add a couple of things: she hasn't had a relationship in four years, since she was 18. I find this highly suspicious as well. Also, when she broke up with me she was saying that me and her are different and we can't be together and that she's crying because she realized that. What the hell is going on here?

    What is your take on this? Was I out of line? Is she right or is she crazy?

    Why would you get involved with a woman that is that sexual? She is a , be real here. I'm 36, and have been seeing a 25 yr old. If she had your girl's background, I'd run for the hills.

  3. #3
    force
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    Well she's very insecure and her past promiscuous behavior and her paranoia now makes me think what is she hiding. The fact that she went out and had the threesome to get back at another guy means she IS a cheater. She will cheat on you, if not now...eventually when you make her angry. The fact she wanted to come over and clean your room is so she can snoop. Yes women in their early 20's do crazy things but wouldn't you want a beautiful woman who is more...mature? More mature women are gorgeous inside and out and more sexy especially in their 40's, plus you can actually have conversations with them. They just have it together and know what they want. Why are you dating a basket case 22 year old? Eff that. Oh and your umm porn collection is YOUR property, if you insist on staying with this crazy chick then tell her you're keeping it so you guys can watch it together.

  4. #4
    lostandhurt
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    She is all over place and was searching for something to break up with you.

    Clean your room? More like search your room like she did your phone and computer.

    Let's say you agreed to throw out the porn, do you seriously think it would end there?

    What happened is that you were dating a very young woman that wasn't very mature but you were expecting her to think like you do.

    Consider yourself lucky that you had some fun with a hot 22 yr old for a while and now are rid of her before life became a drama filled nightmare.

    Also go get tested

    Lost

  5. #5
    avoidatallcost
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    Yeah you guys are absolutely right. I mean that's what I thought too when she first started revealing her past to me.. that she is a basket case or nut job. But I know how it is.. I haven't exactly led a pure sexual past either so I was thinking hey maybe for younger women these days this kind of thing is normal.

    I'm trying to make sense of this. She made me feel like i totally destroyed her trust by keeping the videos. I really am genuinely shocked that she would feel this way over such a - what is to me - minor issue. I wouldn't even care to watch the dvd's they're old anyway but is she justified in feeling the way she does? Should I have just thrown out the damn things when she asked? My one friend believes she is making a power play, and this is all an act she is performing in order to see how much control she can gain over me.

  6. #6
    Viceroy
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    I agree, the whole thing seems quite shady, I would chalk the breakup as her being insecure and immature. You're right, she shouldn't come into your house and demand you to throw away things that you like, regardless of what they are. I almost feel that even if you did throw away the porn videos, she'd find something else to breakup with you. Next time, it would be a good idea to just keep stuff like that out of sight and "hidden" I guess, that's not something you want to cause an argument over- especially considering that you don't even watch them anymore.

  7. #7
    force
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    No you shouldn't throw them away if YOU don't want too. If you throw them away, what's next? She is testing you.

  8. #8
    fabact
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    Okay I'll reply bc I'm a woman and was once 22 or 23 so, yes her sexual behavior makes her seem a bit insecure and she probably also just likes sex a lot which is fine. But the thing I would say is that she's probably a bit immature when it comes to the porn stuff. I remember getting turned off when I discovered my (now ex) bf had being watching porn. For guys it's no big deal to watch porn. But for us it makes us feel like we're not enough. Like we don't satisfy you. I know I know.. That's not really the case you say... But when you're 22 you're just really insecure and not thinking that way. You're comparing your body to a porn stars body. Its just a turn off for some of us. It took me a while to figure out its got nothing to do with me. But believe me I couldn't look at the guy the same way for a while.. I think there are other issues here (like her past) and the age difference which may make this a little off, but if you want her back badly, my advice is get rid of the porn. It may be a bandaid solution though.. Good luck!

  9. #9
    SooSad33
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    A bit crazy? i think you KNOW the answer here... yup!

    And so you called her.. contacted her again.. WHY?

    You didn't see any red flags???

    ( Whollay-- talk about wierd.. the amount of partners at such a YOUNG age..... to her immediate control over YOUR personal items.. to having to go thru your iphone etc?)

    Insecure.. that's not the half of it.....

    Again, I ask... why woud you contact that again? She left.... walk the other way.. and be thankful!!!

  10. #10
    BeeCee
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    I expect you'll get comments about the age gap. I don't have a problem with age gaps, as long as you are emotionally compatible. In this case, she happens to be young in years but also young for her age. She is acting like a teenager - moody, erratic and irrational. You sound like a reasonably normal adult, so you probably already know how silly this behaviour is. It is far from a nurturing adult relationship. You probably just need to hear it from others.

    Perhaps the only thing you did wrong was to give in to her demands to access to your phone, laptop, and room. (You're a grown man, no one should be compulsorily cleaning your room unless you are in prison!) To me, that shows that you've been gradually worn down to the point where you've lost perspective and no longer see how unacceptable it is.

    Honestly, I feel for her. Her insecurity, promiscuity, and lack of stable relationships in the past suggests that she has some real issues to work through. But you are not her therapist. Even though her reason for breaking up may seem trivial, I think she is actually right. You two are not compatible.

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