Jump to content

Question For The Guys (Women Feel Free to Chime In Too)


katrina1980

Recommended Posts

Hey guys -- how would you feel about your gf wanting to share an apartment with another guy?

 

Before you go all crazy, he's 100% gay.

 

She only knows him through her friend who used to be his roomie before she got married, but your gf has never met him.

 

Sharing an apt with him would save her a ton of money ($700 per month).

 

And her friend says he is the best roommate ever, which is hard to come by in her neck of the woods.

 

Would you be okay with this? Not okay with it?

 

In case you're wondering, this story is about me.

 

My bf (dating him since mid-October) is uncomfortable with it.

 

He thinks if I want to save $$$ I should move in with him!!

 

I think he's being a bit ridiculous.

 

Thoughts?

Link to comment

I speculate he's more hurt that you're moving in with someone else (regardless of gender) than with him.

 

The mix of pronouns has be a bit confused - you've been married right?

 

I think you could say something about how this will only be a year long lease and at the end of it, you two will have been together for almost a year and a half and that would be a more reasonable time to consider moving in (if that is in fact true). If your prior marriage make it so you don't want to move too fast, tell him.

 

He may be uncomfortable with sexy time with a roommmate around, if that hasn't been the norm.

Link to comment

Totally fine with me. I see it as no different to if you look up or post rental ads (one room for rent in a two bedroom apartment) and share with a random person. People do it all the time. I don't know why it'd be a problem for anyone.

 

And um...you've only been dating 2 months and a bit, why does he think it's appropriate to move in together? Not wise. Aside from the short time you've been dating, personally I'm also against moving in together with a partner for financial reasons or for convenience. For me, it should be for no other reason than you see a future with this person and would like to advance the relationship.

Link to comment

You've only been dating a couple months. Your head is in the right place. Way too soon to move in. I also think it's worth keeping on file that he may be insecure to the point he'd make irresponsible relationship decisions to "lock you down" so to speak.

 

When I met my girlfriend, I had a female roommate and it was a 2BR apartment with just my roommate and myself. She never once raised a concern. It probably helped that I'd already been in the situation before dating my girlfriend, but I'd have reserved the right either way.

 

Different people have different boundaries, so I won't say he's full on wrong, but if you've found someone you feel is safe and reliable, even if a guy, I wouldn't bend.

Link to comment
I speculate he's more hurt that you're moving in with someone else (regardless of gender) than with him.

 

The mix of pronouns has be a bit confused - you've been married right?

 

I think you could say something about how this will only be a year long lease and at the end of it, you two will have been together for almost a year and a half and that would be a more reasonable time to consider moving in (if that is in fact true). If your prior marriage make it so you don't want to move too fast, tell him.

 

He may be uncomfortable with sexy time with a roommmate around, if that hasn't been the norm.

 

No I have never been married, my ex and I were engaged, but I broke it last December.

Link to comment

It's really your call and after dating only couple months, moving in with a bf is a much worse idea than saving money on a place with a neutral roommate. Better to discuss this with the potential roommate than with a guy you are dating so briefly.

My bf dating him since mid-October is uncomfortable with it. He thinks if I want to save $$$ I should move in with him!!
Link to comment
I speculate he's more hurt that you're moving in with someone else (regardless of gender) than with him.

 

The mix of pronouns has be a bit confused - you've been married right?

 

I think you could say something about how this will only be a year long lease and at the end of it, you two will have been together for almost a year and a half and that would be a more reasonable time to consider moving in (if that is in fact true). If your prior marriage make it so you don't want to move too fast, tell him.

 

He may be uncomfortable with sexy time with a roommmate around, if that hasn't been the norm.

 

Frankly, only dating him 2.5 months, why do I need to justify my decision by saying it will only be a year lease, we can think about moving in together when lease is up?

 

It's early stages, I have no idea where we will be a year from now.

 

j.man I think you're spot on. I dated him previously back in February and he was trying to rush things then too, which is one reason why I broke up with him. That and it was just too soon after the break up with my ex.

 

His attitude is not sitting well with me at all, and was wondering if it was just me.

 

I highly doubt it has much to do with sexy time, he's a grown man for heaven's sake - 45 years old.

 

Plus we spend most of our time at his place anyway.

Link to comment

About my bf.

 

He is a bit "macho" for lack of a better word. Dominant (but not domineering if that makes sense). Rugged, masculine, hard-nosed former prosecutor for the U.S. government. Ex-military.

 

He has never said it, nor would ever admit it I don't think (not to me) but I think he may have issues with gays, and believes they can somehow be "converted" or something.

 

Like the "right" woman could convert them.

 

Just a feeling I have from various conversations and his reactions whenever the issue is discussed (politically).

 

Clearly he doesn't understand homosexuality, and this could be part of his discomfort.

 

I think I may have to flat out ask him about this.... soon!

Link to comment

At 2 (plus) months it's too soon for someone to try to influence my decisions. (but that's me)

At 6 months it made me nervous to leave my toothbrush behind!

 

This period is all a learning experience and look at what you have learned about each other so far.

 

I'd be sensitive to his concerns, but I would do what I needed to do anyway.

Link to comment

I may be weird but I really like space. My primary goal after graduating was to have my own place. My ex had roommates which was fine sometimes, but other times it was like my goodness, I want alone time with him without the disgusting bathroom, the extra noise, the intrusions, whatever. I like the freedom of having my own space.

Link to comment
At 2 (plus) months it's too soon for someone to try to influence my decisions. (but that's me)

 

This period is all a learning experience and look at what you have learned about each other so far!

 

I'd be sensitive to his concerns, but I would do what I needed to do anyway.

 

My sentiments exactly!

 

Course we are women, I thought it would be good to get opinions from the guys since they tend to see certain things a bit differently from us.

 

Just looking to understand what may be going through bf's head, since when I told him, all he said was he didn't like the idea, made him uncomfortable.

 

I may have to probe deeper though.

Link to comment
I may be weird but I really like space. My primary goal after graduating was to have my own place. My ex had roommates which was fine sometimes, but other times it was like my goodness, I want alone time with him without the disgusting bathroom, the extra noise, the intrusions, whatever. I like the freedom of having my own space.

 

Oh I LOVE my space too!!! More than the average person, but I live in one of most expensive cities in the country and if I have an opportunity to save $700 per month, while living with a really cool roommate, I'll take it or at least consider it.

 

There are two masters so we would each have our own bedroom and bathroom.

 

Plus like I said, if we want lone time, we can go to his (my bf's) place OR just chill out in my bedroom.

Link to comment
That is true - and, if stereotypes have any weight, this new roommate won't be a disgusting slob like my ex's 4 25-and-under roommates.

 

And remember too, my friend was his roomie for nearly three years and has confirmed that he is clean, relatively quiet and just a super cool person to live with!

 

Which makes a BIG difference, I have heard horror stories about roommate situations, which is why I never even considered it till now.

Link to comment
That is true - and, if stereotypes have any weight, this new roommate won't be a disgusting slob like my ex's 4 25-and-under roommates.
I do believe in the stereotypes, but I'll be damned if I'll ever be able to cash in on them. I've had a roommate who was gay. Fun guy, total slob. The woman I roomed with was likewise very messy. And with the current girlfriend, I could count on two fingers the number of rooms she's given a half-decent cleaning.

 

But, really, as long as they're paying their part of the rent and not inviting the cockroaches in, it never bugged me all that much.

 

Now I'm with you on living solo when you can. My quality of life went through the roof whenever I could leave a trail of clothes from the front door to the living room.

Link to comment
I do believe in the stereotypes, but I'll be damned if I'll ever be able to cash in on them. I've had a roommate who was gay. Fun guy, total slob. The woman I roomed with was likewise very messy. And with the current girlfriend, I could count on two fingers the number of rooms she's given a half-decent cleaning.

 

But, really, as long as they're paying their part of the rent and not inviting the cockroaches in, it never bugged me all that much.

 

Now I'm with you on living solo when you can. My quality of life went through the roof whenever I could leave a trail of clothes from the front door to the living room.

 

LOL, I am actually pretty tidy, so having a slob for a roommate probably wouldn't work!

 

I do hear ya about the clothes though, I couldn't figure out what to wear this morn and was in a hurry so half my closet is strewn around my room, on bed, on floor.

 

I'll tidy up as soon as I get home though!

Link to comment
I would be totally fine with it. And I don't get the issue with gay people - he thinks the guy will "convert" and be attracted to you?

 

Can't say for sure but based on some of our conversations about homosexuality and his reactions to political discussions, that is my sense. That he doesn't quite "get it."

 

I don't think he's a bonafide homophobe, but heck I have only known him a short while, still lots to learn about him (and vice versa) but it's possible he is.

 

I REALLY hope not cause that would be a dealbreaker for me actually.

 

I can't stand any form of prejudice.

 

With respect to this situation, again just a guess till we discuss further - but in his mind - HE is a man, I am a woman. Anything could happen.

 

Frankly I can't figure why else he'd be uncomfortable with it, or not okay with it.

Link to comment
Can't say for sure but based on some of our conversations about homosexuality and his reactions to political discussions, that is my sense. That he doesn't quite "get it."

 

I don't think he's a bonafide homophobe, but heck I have only known him a short while, still lots to learn about him (and vice versa) but it's possible he is.

 

I REALLY hope not cause that would be a dealbreaker for me actually.

 

I can't stand any form of prejudice.

 

With respect to this situation, again just a guess till we discuss further - but in his mind - HE is a man, I am a woman. Anything could happen.

 

Frankly I can't figure why else he'd be uncomfortable with it, or not okay with it.

 

Even if the guy is not gay, so what if your roommate is a guy? It's not like you have some kind of history (eg an ex or previous attractions). He really just sounds paranoid.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...