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Thread: Question For The Guys (Women Feel Free to Chime In Too)

  1. #1
    katrina1980
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    Question For The Guys (Women Feel Free to Chime In Too)

    Hey guys -- how would you feel about your gf wanting to share an apartment with another guy?

    Before you go all crazy, he's 100% gay.

    She only knows him through her friend who used to be his roomie before she got married, but your gf has never met him.

    Sharing an apt with him would save her a ton of money ($700 per month).

    And her friend says he is the best roommate ever, which is hard to come by in her neck of the woods.

    Would you be okay with this? Not okay with it?

    In case you're wondering, this story is about me.

    My bf (dating him since mid-October) is uncomfortable with it.

    He thinks if I want to save $$$ I should move in with him!!

    I think he's being a bit ridiculous.

    Thoughts?

  2. #2
    mustlovedogs
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    I speculate he's more hurt that you're moving in with someone else (regardless of gender) than with him.

    The mix of pronouns has be a bit confused - you've been married right?

    I think you could say something about how this will only be a year long lease and at the end of it, you two will have been together for almost a year and a half and that would be a more reasonable time to consider moving in (if that is in fact true). If your prior marriage make it so you don't want to move too fast, tell him.

    He may be uncomfortable with sexy time with a roommmate around, if that hasn't been the norm.

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  4. #3
    happyfrank
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    I would be 1000 % okay with it..

    To ease boyfriends worries. I think he should hangout with him in a social setting.

    I personally love all my friends that date within the same sex.

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    notalady
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    Question For The Guys (Women Feel Free to Chime In Too)

    Totally fine with me. I see it as no different to if you look up or post rental ads (one room for rent in a two bedroom apartment) and share with a random person. People do it all the time. I don't know why it'd be a problem for anyone.

    And um...you've only been dating 2 months and a bit, why does he think it's appropriate to move in together? Not wise. Aside from the short time you've been dating, personally I'm also against moving in together with a partner for financial reasons or for convenience. For me, it should be for no other reason than you see a future with this person and would like to advance the relationship.

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    j.man
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    You've only been dating a couple months. Your head is in the right place. Way too soon to move in. I also think it's worth keeping on file that he may be insecure to the point he'd make irresponsible relationship decisions to "lock you down" so to speak.

    When I met my girlfriend, I had a female roommate and it was a 2BR apartment with just my roommate and myself. She never once raised a concern. It probably helped that I'd already been in the situation before dating my girlfriend, but I'd have reserved the right either way.

    Different people have different boundaries, so I won't say he's full on wrong, but if you've found someone you feel is safe and reliable, even if a guy, I wouldn't bend.

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  10. #6
    katrina1980
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    Quote Originally Posted by mustlovedogs [Register to see the link]
    I speculate he's more hurt that you're moving in with someone else (regardless of gender) than with him.

    The mix of pronouns has be a bit confused - you've been married right?

    I think you could say something about how this will only be a year long lease and at the end of it, you two will have been together for almost a year and a half and that would be a more reasonable time to consider moving in (if that is in fact true). If your prior marriage make it so you don't want to move too fast, tell him.

    He may be uncomfortable with sexy time with a roommmate around, if that hasn't been the norm.
    No I have never been married, my ex and I were engaged, but I broke it last December.

  11. #7
    Wiseman2
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    It's really your call and after dating only couple months, moving in with a bf is a much worse idea than saving money on a place with a neutral roommate. Better to discuss this with the potential roommate than with a guy you are dating so briefly.
    Quote Originally Posted by katrina1980 [Register to see the link]
    My bf dating him since mid-October is uncomfortable with it. He thinks if I want to save $$$ I should move in with him!!

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  13. #8
    katrina1980
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    Quote Originally Posted by mustlovedogs [Register to see the link]
    I speculate he's more hurt that you're moving in with someone else (regardless of gender) than with him.

    The mix of pronouns has be a bit confused - you've been married right?

    I think you could say something about how this will only be a year long lease and at the end of it, you two will have been together for almost a year and a half and that would be a more reasonable time to consider moving in (if that is in fact true). If your prior marriage make it so you don't want to move too fast, tell him.

    He may be uncomfortable with sexy time with a roommmate around, if that hasn't been the norm.
    Frankly, only dating him 2.5 months, why do I need to justify my decision by saying it will only be a year lease, we can think about moving in together when lease is up?

    It's early stages, I have no idea where we will be a year from now.

    j.man I think you're spot on. I dated him previously back in February and he was trying to rush things then too, which is one reason why I broke up with him. That and it was just too soon after the break up with my ex.

    His attitude is not sitting well with me at all, and was wondering if it was just me.

    I highly doubt it has much to do with sexy time, he's a grown man for heaven's sake - 45 years old.

    Plus we spend most of our time at his place anyway.

  14. #9
    katrina1980
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    About my bf.

    He is a bit "macho" for lack of a better word. Dominant (but not domineering if that makes sense). Rugged, masculine, hard-nosed former prosecutor for the U.S. government. Ex-military.

    He has never said it, nor would ever admit it I don't think (not to me) but I think he may have issues with gays, and believes they can somehow be "converted" or something.

    Like the "right" woman could convert them.

    Just a feeling I have from various conversations and his reactions whenever the issue is discussed (politically).

    Clearly he doesn't understand homosexuality, and this could be part of his discomfort.

    I think I may have to flat out ask him about this.... soon!

  15. #10
    notalady
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    So do you have a problem dating someone who has a problem with homosexuality?

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