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just feeling like im not ment for this


lonleygal1989

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so i recently had my second child, and i feel like im slowly losing it, i feel like i have lost all patients my 1 1/2yr old is driving me nuts, he's always in a crap mood he wakes up every single day screaming his butt off like he got hurt or sumthing, and walks around all day crying for every single thing and waking up everyday to that is wearing on me, and i feel like a failure as a mom because i cant control my anger, im so tired between seeing to the newborn through the night and both through the day, and not to mention having to see to daddy when hes home aswell and my little boy just constantly picks all day long and i might sound crazy saying a 1yr is picking but let me get this out that my little boy is very smart, he knows what he can and cant do around the house, he recently got this little bubble mower and thinks its the funniest thing to run into you with it, i told him to stop lastnight and he just looked at me until i went to spank him and went on before i could, running around with it and coming back every now and then bringing it just close enough before hitting me and turning away, is this normal behavior, do i just suck that bad at this i really love my kids but im going off the deep end, and i really think i need help managing my anger i feel so bad when i spank him i put him down for a nap and he just started screaming and i gave him a pop and i felt so bad when he woke up from his nap i just held him and apologized for a good while what am i doing wrong with him or just what am i doing wrong period

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Your first baby still needs love exactly like before. Not that he is abandoned but that's how he feels.

He feels like he has been replaced or dethroned. Are there any family members who can help with the baby while you spend some time with him ? He needs cuddles with mom not smacks. Is it possible you could have postpartum depression? I would discuss that with your Dr. But it if you have sisters and mother ,brother ,aunts ,uncles anybody who can help I would reach out .

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Yes, I'd suggest anger management, maybe checking with a doc about PPD. Also think you'd benefit from an early childhood development class geared toward new parents at your local community college. Ask your husband / boyfriend to watch the kids a couple hours every few evenings to do it. You're attributing motivations that are too mature for his age, regardless of how smart you think he is.

 

Your kid's 1. He's not going to town with the bubble mower to p1ss you off. He's doing it because he's got the attention span of a guinea pig. Also, whatever anyone's feelings are on spanking (grandmother raised 13 kids without ever striking-- even spanking-- a single one of them, so personally against), it's universal that you don't spank a child out of anger. And you actually spanking him? I've seen folks almost literally just tap the diaper to get the kid's attention so they can give them a soft but firm "no," but I've never heard of actually striking a 1 year old's butt.

 

There's no amount of money you could pay me to have two kids within even 5 years of each other. Good luck with everything.

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Oh man you mean babies are actually WORK and not just cute facebook pictures??

 

I can't believe the audacity he has....to run into your foot with a mower.

 

Come on now. They are kids. They take work and yours are NO different than anyone else's.

Kids need to be TAUGHT what is right and wrong and how to do things. Do you take them outside to play or to the park? Wear them out. If they are cooped up inside all day then Ya they get crazy.

 

Waking up in a "crappy mood"???? I seriously doubt it. He wakes up CRANKY because he is hungry and wet and most likely just wants some mommy cuddles. Have you tried that??

 

I don't know how it is in your house and I'm not judging or assuming.....but you're describing kids. That's how they are

 

My son has the same bubble mower. He loves it. And Ya he likes to run our feet over because he gets a REACTION. It takes time to teach them how to be gentle. You have to work at that.

 

I have no doubt you're at your wits end and it is frustrating. I can empathize with you but I will not feel sorry for you.

I'm in the same boat. I call it "buddy night" and it's my son and I literally every night while mommy studies for school.

 

Do you have help? Dad around? Your parents around? You need a date night or mommy time. It's very important.

 

Don't deny your kids cuddles or playtime. Make a game out of the bubble mower. You have to keep on your toes and pay attention because they don't realize it hurts.

 

One more thing I will say, keep them BUSY. A cardboard box makes a good fort and keeps them distracted for a long time.

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I will agree with Jman about the spanking when angry.

 

Never punish your child based on emotion. Put them in the crib and cry as long as it takes until you're calm. Crying doesn't hurt them and you know they are safe there.

 

Punishment without compassion is cruel. I punish my son with the intent to teach and discipline.

 

I got spanked as a child and I spank my son when he needs it. It doesn't have to be a beating for my message to be received, and it's effective.

 

Either way, wait until you are calm and not emotionally compromised.

 

Toddlers don't know any better. Stop taking their actions so personal.

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Sorry to hear this. Get some practical help from your bf and family and friends. You are at risk for child abuse with the level of anger, frustration and resentment you are building.

 

The problem is not the kids as you know, it's you being irritable and on a hair trigger. Hitting them won't help and is just to take out your anger.

 

Pleas get help and talk to people. Get in counselling, some parent groups, a baby-sitting group. Why isn't the baby-daddy or family helping?

 

Risk factors fro child abuse from the CDC: i cant control my anger, i went to spank him and went on before i could, running around with it

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Speaking as a mom with two kids under 5, your 1st born is still a BABY! All he knows and what's it's really like is that you just brought home some new person to live with. It's incredibly drastic and tough for them. And him crying is really cuz he needs love and attention too. And spanking him for playing with his brand new toy is really just going to make him scared of his toy, and playing by himself. You need to call every relative and friend you've got and ask for help...cuz I can tell right now, it's tough. And the fact the little one is only 18 months, WAY TOUGHER. Even if it's a meal train, or to take your eldest to the library or park, or whatever for an hour. Or nag your husband till he pitches in with feedings - pump if you are nursing so he can pitch in, or try babywearing.

 

While I don't ever appreciate anyone telling me how to parent, I will let you know, hitting your baby for playing with his new toy is counterproductive. And I know a lot of it comes from frustration, but you have to keep in mind, he's still a baby.

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the first part of your comment is not needed DaNgeR, i never said anything about kids being a walk in the park and, you can keep your sympathy because thats not what im asking for and god forbid im not a perfect parent like you, god forbid ppl are different and handle things differently, im sorry i dont have a natural talent for parenting like you do, and im sorry for trying to figure it out how to be better for me and my kids, but really thanks for all the rest of it, because i just may need some time out on my own as i always have my kids in tow, and for the cuddle time i admit there can be a bit more but i dont deny him, i let him help with baby brother as much as he wants and try to show him how to be gentle with baby brother, dad is around and is great help when hes home from work, but has admitted he rather go to work than deal with the kids like i have to everyday, yes he wakes cranky but after feeding changing and letting him bath like he ask for and put his shows on and sing and dance to them with him and he's still just crying crying what can i do, i cant possibly just see to him all day theres a whole house and another baby to care for

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I should also add - I've never been a stay at home mom. While I've exclusively breastfed both kids, and take care of them when I get home from work, or work from home when their sick (I switch at times with hubby on who stays home), I find the people who avoid going insane are those who ask for help or get help with the kids. Not sure how newborn the newborn is, but if you are able to join meetup, and find some mom groups to set up play dates for the 1st born, you will be able to get some sanity back. Staying cooped up in the house is not your friend. If you do have any relatives that want to visit, and they ask what they can do to help, ask them to vaccuum, do dishes, bring food, anything to get through the first few months. Even if you don't want to burden them, anything who loves you or has kids, totally gets it - and totally will not mind.

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i have family that would love to come help but are just not in a position to, i feel like i should be better than this, and i was until i got pregnant with my second and it's probly due to the fact that i couldn't play with my first baby because i was sick and uncomfortable most of my pregnancy that he just started behaving badly, or maybe it was just me because i wasn't feeling well.

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the first part of your comment is not needed DaNgeR, i never said anything about kids being a walk in the park and, you can keep your sympathy because thats not what im asking for and god forbid im not a perfect parent like you, god forbid ppl are different and handle things differently, im sorry i dont have a natural talent for parenting like you do, and im sorry for trying to figure it out how to be better for me and my kids, but really thanks for all the rest of it, because i just may need some time out on my own as i always have my kids in tow, and for the cuddle time i admit there can be a bit more but i dont deny him, i let him help with baby brother as much as he wants and try to show him how to be gentle with baby brother, dad is around and is great help when hes home from work, but has admitted he rather go to work than deal with the kids like i have to everyday, yes he wakes cranky but after feeding changing and letting him bath like he ask for and put his shows on and sing and dance to them with him and he's still just crying crying what can i do, i cant possibly just see to him all day theres a whole house and another baby to care for

 

The thing is letting him help with baby brother is not allowing him time WITH YOU see what we mean? Letting him help with baby brother is serving you in a way. Not that he shouldn't bond with his brother, of course he should. He needs to go to the park with just you and play with just you . Not with little brother tow. He needs some hours a week that are just dedicated to him . Like I said get friends and family members ,a babysitter anything so that you can spend a few hours with just your first baby . He is still a baby after all . And because he has a new sibling he wants to be sure that you love him the same as before . It is very earth shattering to receive a new sibling when you're the first . As the first you are the one and only and there's nobody to compete with you . All of a sudden there's a sibling and that is competition which is very earth shattering . Any child who comes after that has always had a sibling so it makes really no difference to them .

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i have family that would love to come help but are just not in a position to, i feel like i should be better than this, and i was until i got pregnant with my second and it's probly due to the fact that i couldn't play with my first baby because i was sick and uncomfortable most of my pregnancy that he just started behaving badly, or maybe it was just me because i wasn't feeling well.

 

Well ,yeah he started to act up because he's not sure if he's loved or not . Kids that young only understand being loved by actions. So when your new baby goes down for a sleep just play with your son . Spend some time interacting with him .

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i have family that would love to come help but are just not in a position to, i feel like i should be better than this, and i was until i got pregnant with my second and it's probly due to the fact that i couldn't play with my first baby because i was sick and uncomfortable most of my pregnancy that he just started behaving badly, or maybe it was just me because i wasn't feeling well.

 

Do you have any friends, or any family on the dad's side of the family? Or Facebook friends to do a meal train?

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As as single mother of a 5 year old precious girl with virtually no help from the father (emotional or financial), I can definitely relate to the frustration. But in my experience as a mother (and in my 4th year of my social work BA), I can definitely say that, although your anger may be warranted, make sure you NEVER take it out on your son. He did nothing to warrant it; he's expected to act this way at age 1, especially if there is a new baby at home. Please don't think it's intentional, he's only 1!

 

My theory is that children are never born yelling, screaming, tantrums, etc. If they are acting this way, they're either not receiving enough attention or the family dynamics are unhealthy, neglect, abuse etc. Generally speaking, children react badly to a bad situation.

 

I suggest you get hold of a therapist asap to help release your emotions in a healthy way and to acquire healthy tools in parenting your children without the use of anger or violence. A therapist may refer you to a psychiatrist to determine if medication is needed in the event of anxiety, or depression or any other mental disorder.

 

Personally, whenever I'm going through something horrible and not feeling well, I always overcompensate by making sure my daughter is completely UNAWARE that mommy is nervous or feeling down etc. And I make sure her routine is never disrupted on account of me. A child's wellbeing and happiness always need to be prioritized before your own.

 

On a personal note, when I was going through my divorce 3 years ago, I became severely depressed, lost 25 lbs, and didn't socialize with anybody. (I've suffered from depression since I was a kid but was only diagnosed at age 22 when seeking help). The divorce triggered a severe episode of depression in which I was struggling to care for my daughter and be the best mother I could be. Even going through this hell, I still made my daughter a priority regardless of how difficult it was. Getting help was the best thing I've ever done, and though I still experience ups and downs, I'm a long way from where I've come It's important to recognize when to get help.

 

Good luck

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There's always the option to work outside the house and have hubby take turns with you staying home with the kids. Plenty of people manage arrangements like that - either out of necessity ( both parents HAVE to work) or preference.

I'd go insane staying home as a parent and that's it.

There are ways to make it work - lots of good suggestions here. But don't forget it isn't absolutely necessary for anyone to be a SAHM. Studies support that what is most important is a secure, loving, healthy environment for children - not dependent on a parent staying full time at all.

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its not easy to build with me always being so reserved, i tried but i really just cant talk to ppl like that, i get nervous, loose words and can't think right and when im actually working its all men around me unless theres a trunaround then you see a few women, which after the turnaround they are gone, not like i would ever approach them anyway, I've been trying to break myself of this for years, i would really love to have a friend or two but its soooo hard

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