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Thread: just feeling like im not ment for this

  1. #1
    lonleygal1989
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    just feeling like im not ment for this

    so i recently had my second child, and i feel like im slowly losing it, i feel like i have lost all patients my 1 1/2yr old is driving me nuts, he's always in a crap mood he wakes up every single day screaming his butt off like he got hurt or sumthing, and walks around all day crying for every single thing and waking up everyday to that is wearing on me, and i feel like a failure as a mom because i cant control my anger, im so tired between seeing to the newborn through the night and both through the day, and not to mention having to see to daddy when hes home aswell and my little boy just constantly picks all day long and i might sound crazy saying a 1yr is picking but let me get this out that my little boy is very smart, he knows what he can and cant do around the house, he recently got this little bubble mower and thinks its the funniest thing to run into you with it, i told him to stop lastnight and he just looked at me until i went to spank him and went on before i could, running around with it and coming back every now and then bringing it just close enough before hitting me and turning away, is this normal behavior, do i just suck that bad at this i really love my kids but im going off the deep end, and i really think i need help managing my anger i feel so bad when i spank him i put him down for a nap and he just started screaming and i gave him a pop and i felt so bad when he woke up from his nap i just held him and apologized for a good while what am i doing wrong with him or just what am i doing wrong period

  2. #2
    Butterfly~Wrists
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    He's feeling replaced by baby, he isn't getting as much attention so he does things you don't like just to have that attention. You need to dedicate an hour a day mummy son time to bond, and try and involve him with the new baby.

  3. #3
    ~Seraphim ~
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    Your first baby still needs love exactly like before. Not that he is abandoned but that's how he feels.
    He feels like he has been replaced or dethroned. Are there any family members who can help with the baby while you spend some time with him ? He needs cuddles with mom not smacks. Is it possible you could have postpartum depression? I would discuss that with your Dr. But it if you have sisters and mother ,brother ,aunts ,uncles anybody who can help I would reach out .

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  5. #4
    j.man
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    Yes, I'd suggest anger management, maybe checking with a doc about PPD. Also think you'd benefit from an early childhood development class geared toward new parents at your local community college. Ask your husband / boyfriend to watch the kids a couple hours every few evenings to do it. You're attributing motivations that are too mature for his age, regardless of how smart you think he is.

    Your kid's 1. He's not going to town with the bubble mower to p1ss you off. He's doing it because he's got the attention span of a guinea pig. Also, whatever anyone's feelings are on spanking (grandmother raised 13 kids without ever striking-- even spanking-- a single one of them, so personally against), it's universal that you don't spank a child out of anger. And you actually spanking him? I've seen folks almost literally just tap the diaper to get the kid's attention so they can give them a soft but firm "no," but I've never heard of actually striking a 1 year old's butt.

    There's no amount of money you could pay me to have two kids within even 5 years of each other. Good luck with everything.
    Last edited by j.man; 01-04-2017 at 09:54 AM.

  6. #5
    DaNgeRTasTiC
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    Oh man you mean babies are actually WORK and not just cute facebook pictures??

    I can't believe the audacity he has....to run into your foot with a mower.

    Come on now. They are kids. They take work and yours are NO different than anyone else's.
    Kids need to be TAUGHT what is right and wrong and how to do things. Do you take them outside to play or to the park? Wear them out. If they are cooped up inside all day then Ya they get crazy.

    Waking up in a "crappy mood"???? I seriously doubt it. He wakes up CRANKY because he is hungry and wet and most likely just wants some mommy cuddles. Have you tried that??

    I don't know how it is in your house and I'm not judging or assuming.....but you're describing kids. That's how they are

    My son has the same bubble mower. He loves it. And Ya he likes to run our feet over because he gets a REACTION. It takes time to teach them how to be gentle. You have to work at that.

    I have no doubt you're at your wits end and it is frustrating. I can empathize with you but I will not feel sorry for you.
    I'm in the same boat. I call it "buddy night" and it's my son and I literally every night while mommy studies for school.

    Do you have help? Dad around? Your parents around? You need a date night or mommy time. It's very important.

    Don't deny your kids cuddles or playtime. Make a game out of the bubble mower. You have to keep on your toes and pay attention because they don't realize it hurts.

    One more thing I will say, keep them BUSY. A cardboard box makes a good fort and keeps them distracted for a long time.

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    DaNgeRTasTiC
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    I will agree with Jman about the spanking when angry.

    Never punish your child based on emotion. Put them in the crib and cry as long as it takes until you're calm. Crying doesn't hurt them and you know they are safe there.

    Punishment without compassion is cruel. I punish my son with the intent to teach and discipline.

    I got spanked as a child and I spank my son when he needs it. It doesn't have to be a beating for my message to be received, and it's effective.

    Either way, wait until you are calm and not emotionally compromised.

    Toddlers don't know any better. Stop taking their actions so personal.

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  10. #7
    Wiseman2
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    Sorry to hear this. Get some practical help from your bf and family and friends. You are at risk for child abuse with the level of anger, frustration and resentment you are building.

    The problem is not the kids as you know, it's you being irritable and on a hair trigger. Hitting them won't help and is just to take out your anger.

    Pleas get help and talk to people. Get in counselling, some parent groups, a baby-sitting group. Why isn't the baby-daddy or family helping?

    Risk factors fro child abuse from the CDC: [Register to see the link]
    Quote Originally Posted by lonleygal1989 [Register to see the link]
    i cant control my anger, i went to spank him and went on before i could, running around with it
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 01-04-2017 at 10:56 AM.

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  12. #8
    ~Seraphim ~
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    I agree your child is not trying to make you angry. No child has a concept of empathy before 3 years old. So this is not personal " against " you. He is trying to make sure you love him and ensure his survival.

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  14. #9
    tattoobunnie
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    Speaking as a mom with two kids under 5, your 1st born is still a BABY! All he knows and what's it's really like is that you just brought home some new person to live with. It's incredibly drastic and tough for them. And him crying is really cuz he needs love and attention too. And spanking him for playing with his brand new toy is really just going to make him scared of his toy, and playing by himself. You need to call every relative and friend you've got and ask for help...cuz I can tell right now, it's tough. And the fact the little one is only 18 months, WAY TOUGHER. Even if it's a meal train, or to take your eldest to the library or park, or whatever for an hour. Or nag your husband till he pitches in with feedings - pump if you are nursing so he can pitch in, or try babywearing.

    While I don't ever appreciate anyone telling me how to parent, I will let you know, hitting your baby for playing with his new toy is counterproductive. And I know a lot of it comes from frustration, but you have to keep in mind, he's still a baby.

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  16. #10
    lonleygal1989
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    the first part of your comment is not needed DaNgeR, i never said anything about kids being a walk in the park and, you can keep your sympathy because thats not what im asking for and god forbid im not a perfect parent like you, god forbid ppl are different and handle things differently, im sorry i dont have a natural talent for parenting like you do, and im sorry for trying to figure it out how to be better for me and my kids, but really thanks for all the rest of it, because i just may need some time out on my own as i always have my kids in tow, and for the cuddle time i admit there can be a bit more but i dont deny him, i let him help with baby brother as much as he wants and try to show him how to be gentle with baby brother, dad is around and is great help when hes home from work, but has admitted he rather go to work than deal with the kids like i have to everyday, yes he wakes cranky but after feeding changing and letting him bath like he ask for and put his shows on and sing and dance to them with him and he's still just crying crying what can i do, i cant possibly just see to him all day theres a whole house and another baby to care for

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