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Thread: just feeling like im not ment for this

  1. #21
    Marci1992
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    As as single mother of a 5 year old precious girl with virtually no help from the father (emotional or financial), I can definitely relate to the frustration. But in my experience as a mother (and in my 4th year of my social work BA), I can definitely say that, although your anger may be warranted, make sure you NEVER take it out on your son. He did nothing to warrant it; he's expected to act this way at age 1, especially if there is a new baby at home. Please don't think it's intentional, he's only 1!

    My theory is that children are never born yelling, screaming, tantrums, etc. If they are acting this way, they're either not receiving enough attention or the family dynamics are unhealthy, neglect, abuse etc. Generally speaking, children react badly to a bad situation.

    I suggest you get hold of a therapist asap to help release your emotions in a healthy way and to acquire healthy tools in parenting your children without the use of anger or violence. A therapist may refer you to a psychiatrist to determine if medication is needed in the event of anxiety, or depression or any other mental disorder.

    Personally, whenever I'm going through something horrible and not feeling well, I always overcompensate by making sure my daughter is completely UNAWARE that mommy is nervous or feeling down etc. And I make sure her routine is never disrupted on account of me. A child's wellbeing and happiness always need to be prioritized before your own.

    On a personal note, when I was going through my divorce 3 years ago, I became severely depressed, lost 25 lbs, and didn't socialize with anybody. (I've suffered from depression since I was a kid but was only diagnosed at age 22 when seeking help). The divorce triggered a severe episode of depression in which I was struggling to care for my daughter and be the best mother I could be. Even going through this hell, I still made my daughter a priority regardless of how difficult it was. Getting help was the best thing I've ever done, and though I still experience ups and downs, I'm a long way from where I've come It's important to recognize when to get help.

    Good luck
    Last edited by Marci1992; 01-04-2017 at 02:59 PM.

  2. #22
    itsallgrand
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    There's always the option to work outside the house and have hubby take turns with you staying home with the kids. Plenty of people manage arrangements like that - either out of necessity ( both parents HAVE to work) or preference.
    I'd go insane staying home as a parent and that's it.
    There are ways to make it work - lots of good suggestions here. But don't forget it isn't absolutely necessary for anyone to be a SAHM. Studies support that what is most important is a secure, loving, healthy environment for children - not dependent on a parent staying full time at all.

  3. #23
    lonleygal1989
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    Quote Originally Posted by tattoobunnie [Register to see the link]
    Do you have any friends, or any family on the dad's side of the family? Or Facebook friends to do a meal train?
    whats a meal train? i dont really have friends which get kinda lonely, i mostly use facebook for couponing

  4. #24
    ~Seraphim ~
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    As a mom you really have to build your network .

  5. #25
    lonleygal1989
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    its not easy to build with me always being so reserved, i tried but i really just cant talk to ppl like that, i get nervous, loose words and can't think right and when im actually working its all men around me unless theres a trunaround then you see a few women, which after the turnaround they are gone, not like i would ever approach them anyway, I've been trying to break myself of this for years, i would really love to have a friend or two but its soooo hard

  6. #26
    tattoobunnie
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    Time to open up yourself - only way you will stay sane!

    Not sure if you're in the US, but I made all my mom friends (all my old friends in the area don't have kids, so had to make friends) through a group I found through meetup.com. Very happy! The one I belong to, they have day and weekend events, Moms night out, stuff based on age of the kids, outdoor events for the dads to join, museums, at home playdates, cool kid venues. I've made lots of good friends there for myself and my kids. Even if it's just one a week, it helps to socialize your kid. And takes the burden of having to stimulate them 24/7 when they get to interact with new friends and environments.

  7. #27
    ~Seraphim ~
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    You have to do so for your kids so you can teach them how to have friends and how to build a support network for themselves when they're older . Not having a support network is very very painful and causes so many problems . I knew NO ONE but my husband and my son when we moved to our new home . I got very depressed and sat home crying daily. Finally I started volunteering at our community centre and that led to a job there. I know it is hard and scary but you will feel so much better when you break out of the box .

  8. #28
    itsallgrand
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    I don't have kids myself. I've been volunteering at community centres for over ten years. You'd and your children would be welcomed with open arms.
    It's ok to let other people help and share - promise! It's good for everyone. We all need community.

  9. #29
    tattoobunnie
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    Quote Originally Posted by lonleygal1989 [Register to see the link]
    its not easy to build with me always being so reserved, i tried but i really just cant talk to ppl like that, i get nervous, loose words and can't think right and when im actually working its all men around me unless theres a trunaround then you see a few women, which after the turnaround they are gone, not like i would ever approach them anyway, I've been trying to break myself of this for years, i would really love to have a friend or two but its soooo hard
    Yeah, but it's not about you anymore. You have to do it for your kids. Friendship comes with familiarity. I would meet other moms, and over time you get to know each other.

    I find when making friends, all you need to share is a small something special about yourself. Give a little, and the other person winds up sharing a lot. Always remember, we are ALL in the same boat. We are all nervous. I find that some moms are also more outgoing, and like to yap - it's just really meeting the right moms. Cuz trust me, talking about your kids can go on for days. So you already have something in common with them. Other times, it's talking about a movie or tv show you liked. Or what you use to do before being a mom. Or just how hard it is with the two kids - cuz it is. It so is!!!!! So, don't think you are alone in this thinking.

    If I didn't sometimes lock the door to go number two (when my hubby's home of course, it's two kids in the bathroom with me at the same time). When I have to take a work call, or put out a fire, I hide from them. So please - being fed up and exhausted, and overhwhelmed - it's normal. Thank God, they get less annoying when they leave for college (kidding - well maybe, my 2nd brother who's not 42 is still a big baby - hahah).

    You need friends - you need to get out. That anger you feel brewing is because you feel isolated and are going crazy for it. This week, go find mom groups and check it out - go a few times - for your kids at least to start.

  10. #30
    lonleygal1989
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    Quote Originally Posted by tattoobunnie [Register to see the link]
    Time to open up yourself - only way you will stay sane!

    Not sure if you're in the US, but I made all my mom friends (all my old friends in the area don't have kids, so had to make friends) through a group I found through meetup.com. Very happy! The one I belong to, they have day and weekend events, Moms night out, stuff based on age of the kids, outdoor events for the dads to join, museums, at home playdates, cool kid venues. I've made lots of good friends there for myself and my kids. Even if it's just one a week, it helps to socialize your kid. And takes the burden of having to stimulate them 24/7 when they get to interact with new friends and environments.
    thanks a ton im going look at meetup right now

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