I had enough

I'm not sure what I want from this topic, but I'll write.

I think I had enough of live. I can't do it anymore. No one really cares about me, they ALL think that I'm a freak/creep/monster/jerk/loser/you-name-it. I don't remember the last time I was hugged. I've never had a GF. Never accomplished anything. I don't have future, and most important part: I'm losing control over myself. I have no emotions.. medications eat everything good in me. I don't even have dreams, I don't have a reason to wake up tomorrow. I don't have goals. I don't have anything. I will never give myself truly to someone. I'm just a sad, miserable, pathetic - seashell/ghost of person I used to know. I recently lost 2 great persons in my life, one from cancer. And my best friend shoot himself in the head. I didn't leave my backyard for last 3-4 months. I never leave the room. I can't stand being with people. I started to drink a lot in last few days. I don't have friends. I'm lost and alone. Even on internet people hate me. I can name one thing why I want to die: to join Her .. I'm thinkin' now: I should have done it when I got chance 4 years ago ... nothing positive happend in last 4-5 years. Even my mom can't stand me anymore.

I think I made my point...

What you have been through sounds really difficult. I lost my father to suicide and I found him. My whole world fell apart but I can tell you.. It does get better.

Only you can create your own happiness. Go really deep into your soul and think about what it is that makes you happy. Try doing more of that.

I'm pretty depressed myself at the moment and feeling like there is no point but I keep thinking about positive things. Anything! Seek some professional help and tell them how your meds are making you feel. Maybe you could try a different type of medication. Something that doesn't make you feel like crap.

At some point we all have to take control of our lives. Go on some dating websites, try a hobby. (I'm going to try the hobby thing)

You are not worthless or a freak and your mum probably can stand you. Your probably just feeling so down on yourself that the whole world seems to be against you. Keep going and stay strong.

My doc won't give me new meds 'couse I had psychosis-episode, and anti-depresives would only make things worse (I will be very agressive or even worse: more depressed). My doc doesn't want to gamble with that.

I had hobby for some time, but since I feel like crap last few months I gave up on it.

I really can't stand the fact that I lost familly member from cancer, he is only positive thing in my life. He was there when my crappy dad left me.

I was suicidal before, and I was locked for 2 months for nothing.. I'm not going back in hospital.

I don't know if I can keep going.

Even after everything you managed to find a hobby, something you liked. You just need to keep pushing yourself and start up with it again.

The person you lost lost there fight to cancer, something that couldn't be helped. The didn't have a choice. You do. If they were the only person you had strive to make them proud. People die and leave us physically but they will always be there with you in spirit.

Call them your guardian angel.

What would happen if you stopped taking meds altogether?

Stop taking meds is one sick idea to do it on your own. Hm. I trust my doctor and I won't stop taking it. I wish I could.. I just want my feelings back. I don't care if I'm gonna cry 5 times a week and then be high-happy 3 days in a row. I want that back. Being man without any emotions sucks.

Are you being treated for bipolar disorder? Agree. It's foolish to just stop the medication.

I just want my feelings back. I don't care if I'm gonna cry 5 times a week and then be high-happy 3 days in a row.

My doc things that my diagnose is F21 - Shizotypal disorder + F60.3 Borderline PD. I told her that I'm depressed, I do have problem with being bipolar, I also have problem with OCD. I have a lot of symptomes of many other mentall ilnesses, but she doesn't care about it. So answer is: no - I'm not being treatet for bipolar.

Very sorry to hear about your loss(es). Loss feels so.. awful

Are you young.. like in your 20's?

What are you on.. for what condition?

If you are on FB.. you might want to look up some pages on there to help you along... like 'Depression'.. etc.

Who calls you 'crazy' etc... why?

Sorry- just saw your answer on your condition....

First of all... i suggest you ease off on the drinking. When medicated, like you are, that can add a LOT of nagative to everything else going on.

I think you should be going to a prof.. therapy, to help you out there. So you're not going it alone.

Second... i suggest to try and take things one day at a time. Yes, I understand, with your issue's things can seem VERY overwhelming!

Try again.. slowly.. to get into a hobby of some sort.. even a short walk.. get a bit of air.

Keep working on YOU.

There are also FB pages on Bipolar. Search for them and join.. may actually help you out a bit.

I'm 23 YO.

Now I'm ... stuck in a moment. Depressed, lost and alone.

I'm on Olanzapinum, Zyprexa ... it's medication very simular to Seroquel/Kvetiapinum. I'm on Olan last 2 years, and before that I was on Seroquel for 3 years. Both do suck. I'm just emotionless monster who sleeps 15 hours a day.

A friend of mine has FB page called "Crazy Diary". It has like 4500 fans from my Europe Country. I talk to her from time to time. She has been diagnosed with epilepsy about 4 months ago. So... it sucks to hear that.

Crazy ... about few days ago I put my first and last name on facebook search, and I found that my best friend at the time told other people on facebook publichy: "TheLoser is one crazy sick bastard.. what a freak!". I did erase him from FB and didn't talk to him since.

A lot of people think I'm strange .. I can name one example: a lot of people think that women belong to the kitchen and her only porpuse is to clean and cook. I think that women are made to make them breakfest in bed and simular stuff. That is just one simple exaple. I just don't think and have moral like 95% of other people.

Aw wow.... sorry they're being this way sadly, some don't understand mental illness.

I've dealt with it thru my life ( depression) and had my last break down just over 3 yrs ago.

I found some depression pages, ones on bipolar too.

Don't look at yourself as a loser... you've got some issue's and you are dealing with one hell of a battle! Remember that.. and you're still fighting... be proud.

Sounds like you're in a 'low' and yes, I know.. they can be dibiliatating

Just remember.. you're not alone! Many out there, like you....

You'll come to find that some understand.. some don't and some might, yet be a little worried.. especially if you 'lash out'.. or get really angry.

Do you?

Only reason why I don't want to die it that I will end up in hell, to be completly honest. XD

I believe that we all go to the "last court", and depends on answer: will will get reward after death.

I hope that I will meet Her after I die.. that's the only reason why I live for.

She is girl from topic ->

I don't think that I will ever meet someone of my "kind". I've met her, but it ended very soon, and not in nice way.

And the girl who is not-my-kind, she doesn't like me the same way -.- , and that was... that.

If she didn't like me, then no-one ever will. I give up on my love life.

No, no , no.

Just because one doesn't go your way.. means nothing.

Try to have your aim at working on your Life. Keep going.. because you never know!

YOU are still so young! Soooo many years ahead of you.

We NEVER stop at one.

I've been married-- divorced-- and a few relationships since then. I have 4 boys between 2 ex's., over 20 yrs.

Did they work out? Sadly, no.. but my life isn't over.. til it's over.

I beleive, you have many roads to travel yet... so dont even think that way.

Life can change in a minute! We never know....

I was about to write "advertisement for meeting" on one FB page, but I gave up on that idea. I'm not doing that... My mood is on -3, on 0 to 10 scale.

Going to sleep. It's 2 AM here. Still didn't take my meds. Next 15 hours will suck.

Nice to chat with someone after a long time.

If someone writes something here.. I'll be back.

Okay.... get your rest.. can chat tomorrow. Goodnight

And when you get up, go search for some FB pages to join.. like depression ones and bipolar... k?

Take care..

One of the best things I can advise you to do is to get a gym membership. Exercise will help you both physically and mentally; when you exercise the brain depletes its levels of cortisol (stress).

I'm gym member last ~3 months, and I'm tired of the same.. When I get home, I usually end up in bed after 5 minutes. I go to the gym 3x a week, for 1 and half hour.

Hey TheLoser.....

Your Life Pretty Much sounds the same as mine......i was searching over the internet to find atleast a person similar to me....or having similar problems.....I'm glad to have found you......

I'm broke....i live with my parents....they call and think of me as a burden which i am...I don't feel to go out to college itself....

I know the exams are nearing and i will fail....

A girl i met this year......i thought she was my soul mate....similar interests and hobbies....she understood me.....But in the end I saw her holding hands and walking away with a guy we both commented on in the past......that too on my bday....

I got angry and went and interfered and i was cursed and picked on by that guy and his friends........I was utterly shocked.....

Now not only depression and suicidal thoughts....a heartbreak also...

I have given up on my love life now......

I dont think ill ever be anything in life....

I have been changing schools and colleges for quite sometime now and that made me lose most of my so called friends......

I don't trust anyone now.......

I used to see a psychologist but now I don't wanna or don't feel to see anyone.....

My parents were sending me to the doc only cuz they were not getting the academic progress they were expecting.....

I'm taking dicorate 1g at night........

I dont have dreams nowadays....

I used to be an active and fun guy earlier....

Now im nothing more than a shadow of my former self.....

Im glad i found this site....

I just wanna donate my life.....

When i see people die in crashes..accidents..etc

I think..why coudnt i die instead of them...they shud live on...they shud return to their kids and wives....😇😯.....

My miserable life shud atleast be useful that way....

Pls reply.....

I wanna know if there r many of us out there....

Pls help me....i wanna just talk to someone...thats all i want....☺

Feel free to message me anytime U want. I'm glad I could help someone with advices, even if I'm not really advice guy. I'm really sorry to hear that U're going thru this stuff. Deep down I believe we are all good people, but sometimes just darkness overpowered us. I think you are good guy, me also.. but the problem is: no-one else sees that.

I also thought she was my only mate.....

We used to have so many similar interests....

We used to hold hands....talk and chat all night over phone...

I dont get why she dumped me.....

I only loved her.....

I apologised for every mistake i made......

Aaaaaaaaaah my ing head....

I dont wanna undergo this anymore bro....it is too muvh to bear...

Because of this heartbreak and depression my education has stopped now.....i cant concentrate or go anything......

That girl made me feel loved.....i though i at last had someone who loved me...

Who i could talk to.......Now her betrayal has affected me more tham anything.....she still messages me telling excuses for everything......i just cant delete her too.....please help me bro....anyone.....help me get rid of her from my mind....and help me find peace.....

All i wish now is i have another girl.....who would never cheat me....ever...

Who i could talk to....trust....unlike this .....

I wish there are no people suffering like me now......

Its too much to bear.....

pls gimme advice.....

I dont know.....

But i love her too much bro......

I just dont feel to let go at all.....

I begged her again and pleaded like there was no tomorrow......

Now she's saying we are just friends nothing more and we never were in a relationship.....she's lying about almost everything now......

TheLoser....how can i tackle these feelings of mine.....

I'm also goin' thru heart break so.... only advice is to let time do things for you. After some time it will be easier.

I though she was special and i was in luck.....i did everything to keep her happy....i still msg her trying to convince her to come back...but i dont know what made her change....she was so perfect dude.....i cant seem to let her go...help me man..PLEASE

Hey TheLoser.....

If ur on Kik or Facebook can u please gimme ur id cuz i wanna msg u privately sometime to ca down.....

Unfortunately i cannot send msg through this site cuz i became a memeber only recently and that too only because i saw ur thread.....

Maan....it would be good to speak to someone who is similar and is suffering too.....

I cannot send you PM also. And I don't wanna put my FB on this topic, too many consequences.

I also thought that she was perceft, I loved her for 4 years. And I found out that she is marrying someone else. So.. I know that this sucks hard. So...

Write. Just write.

And let her go, U have better chances if U let her go.. If you love her, then let her go, if she comes back - it's yours forever.