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Thread: I hate PTSD

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    ~Seraphim ~
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    I hate PTSD

    Today we took our son to a major city to purchase the cards he likes from a particular store. Unfortunately, for me I suffered from such anxiety and RAGE while I am there I can't take it. People are running and darting in front of you behind you , pushing.... your typical big city. The food court in the major mall set my nerves on fire.

    I got to the point if anyone went near me I wanted to sucker punch them in the face. **** Disclaimer** I have never done so and nor would I .

    The whole experience just left me in tears and curled up in my vehicle by the end.

    A Pox on those who did this to me. I just want to enjoy things with my family.

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    RainyCoast
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    hugs vic. it really sucks. i used to have supermarket murderous rage all the time. honestly wanted to strangle the zucchini, snap all the carrots in half and throw pumpkins at misbehaved children. i linked it to sensory overload- the lights, music, chatter, crowds, people blocking up aisles with their 7 obese relatives, the movement...my system went into overdrive. i still keep shopping short, i just go through my list picking stuff of shelves, rarely linger to look at stuff that isn't on my list to shorten exposure time. i've used headphones to block out as much as possible a lot.

    my christmas shopping was several short trips this year, thankfully i knew what i was getting for whom so it wasn't hectic and didn't take long.

    with a child, sometimes you can't avoid these crowds.

    it helps me to go to sleep immediately after. in fact, i can't resist doing so. it's like the senses are so overtaxed they shut down. i'm usually a lot better after a nap.

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    ~Seraphim ~
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    That is it, totally overwhelmed. Beyond bearing. And then you get in a murderous rage as you say. Head phones might help some. I am still overwhelmed and shaking and it takes 2 hours to get home. We are home now.

    My son understands in a way. He is autistic. My husband has no clue what I mean.

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    Basically it is a desperate urge to get away from people or get them away from you . I also get extremely agitated when I'm outside of where I'm comfortable .

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    RainyCoast
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    our nerves seem to interpret a lot things as attack, even if we don't. annyoing music too loud? attack. they're out of the only cereal i ever buy? attack. people looking at me like i'm a spaceship as i stand there to see if any of them intend to move to the side so i can pass? attack. stupid lights? attack. parking lot the size of russia and can't find the car? attack. tired? attack. standing too close to me? outrageous attack.

    i never externally fought back the actual attacks. i have wondered if that isn't why in these situations i mentally rip people and things apart and beotchslap them with their freshly picked limbs tarantino style in my imagination, fighting them "back", "this time around".

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    Quote Originally Posted by RainyCoast [Register to see the link]
    our nerves seem to interpret a lot things as attack, even if we don't. annyoing music too loud? attack. they're out of the only cereal i ever buy? attack. people looking at me like i'm a spaceship as i stand there to see if any of them intend to move to the side so i can pass? attack. stupid lights? attack. parking lot the size of russia and can't find the car? attack. tired? attack. standing too close to me? outrageous attack.

    i never externally fought back the actual attacks. i have wondered if that isn't why in these situations i mentally rip people and things apart and beotchslap them with their freshly picked limbs tarantino style in my imagination, fighting them "back", "this time around".
    Omg someone who " gets me". Sniffle .

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    ParisPaulette
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    Hugs, vic. I totally understand. I would get that way when I lived in Hollywood. I still remember trying to get through Hollywood during the Christmas parade and trying not to freak out. The rage, yes I remember that well. It's one of the reasons I probably sought out a remote part of the U.S. to live in, but I just avoid crowds whenever it's possible.

    So sorry you had to go through that. A hot bath and some tea and some space and you'll be able to breathe again. I agree, PTSD just sucks no matter what.

    Do something nice for yourself tonight, you got through it, now time to enjoy the holidays with your family. Big hug. Paris

    P.S. Rainy nailed it. I agree, it's like when you go into sensory overload the body goes into fight or flight mode. For me that's always been fight, so it can be really hard to remain composed.

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    Jibralta
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    Quote Originally Posted by RainyCoast [Register to see the link]
    in these situations i mentally rip people and things apart and beotchslap them with their freshly picked limbs tarantino style in my imagination, fighting them "back", "this time around".
    I do that too. I'm getting tired of it.

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    ~Seraphim ~
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    Thank you Paris. I can totally understand you wanting to live in the middle of nowhere . I would absolutely love to do that but my husband and son think I am crazy . I put myself in my safe place every night before go to sleep . My safe place is a tiny house or a small cabin with a safe warm fire . And my little Home is surrounded by nine rows of barbed wire. And only I can figure out how to get out and in .

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    SooSad33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victoria66 [Register to see the link]
    Basically it is a desperate urge to get away from people or get them away from you . I also get extremely agitated when I'm outside of where I'm comfortable .
    Same.... dealing with Ptsd.

    Last few yrs have been extreme.. as I hit my bottom.

    Daily struggles.. to get up.. get going and keep going. Some days and some moments are ridiculous... overwhelming, etc.

    Like I told my mom not too long ago-- just want my world to slow down! :/.

    Deep breathes.. its okay.. you're back home .

    I hafta take my boys to see their brother about 40 mins from here, in a cpl days.. oh yay :/.

    But.. I can do this.. I can do this.. (mentally preparing)..... work on that anxiety.

    I recently started using essential oils... i order from Duterra or get at health food store.

    Might be an idea to look into these too? Also could be good for anyone there, dealing with 'stress'-- overwhelmed easily, etc.

    Lavender is a big hit with that.. in calming, as is orange.. there's all kinds.

    Something to think on.. if you haven't already.

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