Worst I've felt in years

I need to explain my situation on this board. This is in part to get it off my chest but also with the hope to find possible solutions to my situation both emotionally and financially.

I don't know why I feel this way. In fact, I have every reason to be happy about my life considering I'm at a prime age and I have my life ahead of me. Yet, I feel kinda ... terrible like I'm extremely anxious, bordering on sad/depressed.

I'm a 33 year old guy and I've just finished up my Bachelors in Arts with a Major in Literature. I'm proud of myself for the most part. In fact, this accomplishment is the greatest in my life to date because it was something I was passionate about that I saw all the way through from beginning to end. And yet, even after it's all done, I feel sort of empty. I'm finding right after I found out I graduated after my final semester it hit me that I was unemployed, lots of debt, with few close friends in my city and now struggling to find a job. Right now I'm keeping it together but I fear I might start feeling worse. I would go out more often to try to relieve some of this stress but I'm down to just enough money to pay next month's rent and next month's rent alone. I'm broke and worried I might not have the money to pay the following month's rent. I'm already getting calls from creditors asking why I haven't been able to play off the minimum payments for my debts. It's come to the point where I have trouble waking up with any energy. Moving from point A to point B in my own home is becoming strenuous like as though I'm always suffering from some sort of sickness. I've had to fight a few negative thoughts, some even bordering on imagining my suicide. Keep in mind these thoughts are few and more likely due to stress more than anything else. I do not like having these thoughts however.

Now, don't panic on my behalf. I'm not suicidal. Really, I'm not. If anything I just feel enormously stressed and anxious more than anything else. But I am close to freaking out and I'm finding these last few days I'm trying to keep myself level and calm while I'm job searching. I'm afraid the feelings and my mental state will get worse as time goes on and I'll do something horrible to myself. But with little money, few people around from my circles (most of my closest friends have moved out of the country and the few that are left are leaving) and crippling debt and the lack of an income. I'm on a lease so I can't leave the place I'm living in for another 4-5 months, otherwise I'd move in with my mom or my dad until I get back on my feet. Fortunately I'm on my own and I don't have any other mouths to feed but I'm deathly afraid of finding myself on the street in about 30 days with an angry ex-roommate an even worse credit rating. I want to feel and be better but right now I feel like the near future is going to be hell and there's nothing I can do until I find a job. I'm hoping that I can find funding to get my TEFL certificate to teach English overseas. Until then, I'm going to be on the edge until things get better.

I don't want to lose it. I don't want to get worse. I want to hold my head on high and wait this dark time out before it gets any worse. I'm not at the point where I've completely shut down or unable to take of myself but I don't want to get to a point where I breakdown. What should I do? Should I tough it out? Should I seek some help? Am I perhaps just overreacting to my fear?

I know what it is like to wake up and have high anxiety about your job prospects and crippling date. Believe it or not, it is normal for most post-grads.

I would seek counseling for high anxiety and stress management; that has helped me.

Additionally, are your parents a resource? Maybe after your lease ends, you could move back in with them and save money? It sounds like that is only a couple of months out...

How about getting some part-time jobs to supplement your income, for now, at least?

Hang in there...it looks like you have a plan...sometimes you just need to go through these tough periods before getting to where you want/need to be.

>>I was unemployed, lots of debt, with few close friends in my city and now struggling to find a job. Right now I'm keeping it together but I fear I might start feeling worse. I would go out more often to try to relieve some of this stress but I'm down to just enough money to pay next month's rent and next month's rent alone. I'm broke and worried I might not have the money to pay the following month's rent. I'm already getting calls from creditors asking why I haven't been able to play off the minimum payments for my debts.

Anybody would feel bad in this position. I would say that you need to focus on getting a job. Any job. You need an income of some sort. Put in applications at grocery stores and fast food. Everywhere. Don't lose hope. It's just that you will have to work hard to get back to settled.

You might want to consider talking to your parents about your situation for ideas. I would also suggest talking to your landlord about possibilities for breaking the lease without much penalty.