They see her as a sad girl
As a girl who is lost,
Who took several steps onto ending paths
They see her as lazy,
& a liar
They see her as a misfit,
One who has long left the so called freedom in Christianity
They judge her, in ways they do not judge themselves
She sees herself, too
Looking in the mirror,
A facade appears,
Only to disappear upon second glance
She sees a struggle,
The constant battle of self-health
She sees one who has always tried hard to be faithful,
To be reliable,
To be honest about her true feelings...
She sees the dysfunctional mother
that she believes herself to be
She sees someone who pretends to be happy,
Even though it hurts more when she does
She sees effort,
Only to be faded out time & time again by darkness...
& Still, she sees no one who understands.
No family, no friends, no therapists, no doctors
They all just want her to medicate with pills
Because they cannot truly fathom why or how someone can continue to fall apart,
Year after year...
& the battle continues, without end.