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A poem about my deep, unending depression


Flaux

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They see her as a sad girl

As a girl who is lost,

Who took several steps onto ending paths

They see her as lazy,

A manipulator,

A user,

& a liar

They see her as a misfit,

One who has long left the so called freedom in Christianity

They judge her, in ways they do not judge themselves

 

She sees herself, too

Looking in the mirror,

A facade appears,

Only to disappear upon second glance

She sees a struggle,

The constant battle of self-health

& self-strength

She sees one who has always tried hard to be faithful,

To be reliable,

To be honest about her true feelings...

She sees the dysfunctional mother

that she believes herself to be

She sees someone who pretends to be happy,

Even though it hurts more when she does

She sees effort,

Only to be faded out time & time again by darkness...

& Still, she sees no one who understands.

No family, no friends, no therapists, no doctors

They all just want her to medicate with pills

Because they cannot truly fathom why or how someone can continue to fall apart,

Year after year...

& the battle continues, without end.

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