No Merry Christmas

This is the first year of my life my father has not said Merry Christmas to me since I was born.

HUGS. I am sorry. I wish you a Merry Christmas. Often times, our family members aren't the people we hoped they would be.

True. He will never be a dad .

I'm sorry to hear that, Vic. Merry Christmas, and *Hugs*

I'm sorry to hear that, Vic. Merry Christmas, and *Hugs*

Thank you Heart.

Sorry to hear that Vic. ((Hugs)) Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Big Hugs Vic. It's nothing to do with you. It's probably his illness.

Thank you Cappy.

I know SB, he is very very mentally ill. Still hurts though.

Thank you Cappy.

 

I know SB, he is very very mentally ill. Still hurts though.

I have never known you to ever say anything positive about your father so it does make me wonder why you would want to, or what it would mean to have him say merry Christmas to you. He is actually terminally ill right? He might have some other things to worry about rather than a daughter who pretty much disowned him. (rightly or wrongly) Learn to share your life with the people who love you, and to let people go who don't. If you are not going to be someone positive for him in his dying days it wouldn't be too much to ask to just leave the past in the past and let him go. Just my opinion. - Merry Christmas!

What happened, Vic? Did you say Merry Christmas to him and he ignored you? Did he say it to others, but not you? Is it possible he's just disengaged from Christmas in general? (It can be very depressing for some people.)

What happened, Vic? Did you say Merry Christmas to him and he ignored you? Did he say it to others, but not you? Is it possible he's just disengaged from Christmas in general? (It can be very depressing for some people.)

I emailed him Merry Christmas as he is deaf again and made plans to see him as I always do. No response. Nothing. Emailed him Merry Christmas no response, nothing. First ever in my whole life from Childhood even .

I have never known you to ever say anything positive about your father so it does make me wonder why you would want to, or what it would mean to have him say merry Christmas to you. He is actually terminally ill right? He might have some other things to worry about rather than a daughter who pretty much disowned him. (rightly or wrongly) Learn to share your life with the people who love you, and to let people go who don't. If you are not going to be someone positive for him in his dying days it wouldn't be too much to ask to just leave the past in the past and let him go. Just my opinion. - Merry Christmas!

Well , to get this right he disowned me first . At 24 he told me I don't need you I have other kids (meaning my cousins) because he was so disgusting a human being morally and in other ways I just avoided him and he avoided me and we became estranged. Doesn't mean I don't have that wish for a normal parent.

But as you say and many counsellors have said give up because he's never going to be that and he never was that .

But I can say almost every child wants their parent even if the parent was an abusive jerk .

I have never known you to ever say anything positive about your father so it does make me wonder why you would want to, or what it would mean to have him say merry Christmas to you. He is actually terminally ill right? He might have some other things to worry about rather than a daughter who pretty much disowned him. (rightly or wrongly) Learn to share your life with the people who love you, and to let people go who don't. If you are not going to be someone positive for him in his dying days it wouldn't be too much to ask to just leave the past in the past and let him go. Just my opinion. - Merry Christmas!

And he's the one who emailed me and told me to connect with him through email because he's deaf again . So like an idiot I did.

And he's the one who emailed me and told me to connect with him through email because he's deaf again . So like an idiot I did.

Considering how you feel about him, he is doing the right thing, and it is absolutely his right not to contact you. It is absolutely your right to be sad about it.

Considering how you feel about him, he is doing the right thing, and it is absolutely his right not to contact you. It is absolutely your right to be sad about it.

I think you have the wrong picture here. My dad actually belongs in jail for what he has done in his life including stealing identities, theft of someone's disability who was so severely disabled they had no clue. Domestic abuse and child abuse. He is not this poor waif with rancorous kids. The fact we talk to him AT ALL is a miracle for him. He has told me to LOVES to abuse people and jack them around until they are upset and crying. So have no illusions of my dad.

I think you have the wrong picture here. My dad actually belongs in jail for what he has done in his life including stealing identities, theft of someone's disability who was so severely disabled they had no clue. Domestic abuse and child abuse. He is not this poor waif with rancorous kids. The fact we talk to him AT ALL is a miracle for him. He has told me to LOVES to abuse people and jack them around until they are upset and crying. So have no illusions of my dad.

It is still his absolute right not to contact you, it is really the only legitimate power he does have over you. If I could tell you dad anything it would be not to contact you and to live out his dying days in peace. Based on everything you said, you did the wrong thing emailing him, and I think you know that I'm right. It is not really doing anybody any good, and didn't serve any purpose.

No, I don't think you're right. Sorry.

Update: He is more of an ahole than I thought . My mother said he had been seeing my brother the week before Christmas but didn't say much about it . He was there with my brother when my brother had his kids. Well, today I get a phone message from the supposed deaf person to call him back and find out if my son got his Christmas card .

So I text my brother and find out if he'd given my son anything from my dad . He said, yes. He didn't want to tell me but dad had been there to celebrate with the girls the week before .

My dad has always hated women but that never really included me until the last couple of years . Last couple of years he has really gone off his nut. Well the next time I see my brother I will give him $50 back and he can hand it to my dad my son doesn't need it . And if he can't treat me with some respect he doesn't need to see my son either .

No respect . If there's no respect don't talk to me don't talk to my son . Finished.

i'm sorry vic

hope you have a lovely new year's eve with hubs and son.

i'm sorry vic

 

hope you have a lovely new year's eve with hubs and son.

Thank you Rainy. We will have a good night . We are having my friend and her autistic daughter over . First we are going out for dinner and then we are going to play some board games . Both our children are older. My son is 19 and her daughter is 25. My son is more socially like he's 13 though. And her daughter is probably more 17 than 25.

It will be a great night with people that I care about people and people who care about me .

And the only reason he has anything to do with my brother is because my brother takes him grocery shopping every two weeks and pays for it . For 20 years before he had nothing to do with my brother . It was all about me because I was paying for his groceries . And for the last three years before his dad died his dad spent all his money on him and my aunt's husband spent the last three years my grandfather's life paying 4000 a month for his retirement home because my grandfather spent everything on my dad . So my dad spent the inheritance of all his siblings . He is presently working over my brother . And I am too far away to buy him things .

All through his life he has used people for money.

In the past couple of years you have done a lot of healing, Victoria. Perhaps he can't face the healthier you. At least not for now.

In the past couple of years you have done a lot of healing, Victoria. Perhaps he can't face the healthier you. At least not for now.

Well, it probably won't be ever he doesn't want emotionally healthy people . He wants people he can work over . He wants people he can get money out of . He's very upfront about that . When he was young he got money out of my mother's father . He was always getting money out of my mother for 30 years . Then after she left for good he lived in her brother's house and took the support money for my cousins . And my severely disabled cousin who had severe Downs he took his disability cheques as well . He got credit cards out and one of my eight-year-old cousin's names . He would routinely ask me for hundreds of dollars to sue people . ( no I was not stupid enough to give him any money )

The guy is a crazy leech. He has been severely mentally ill since he's being a teenager he is 71 now believe me he's not going to be any different ,ever .

The doctors give him four more years max on dialysis and that's it . So he has very little time in which to uncrazy himself and act like a dad .

I think it's sad that he clearly never has, nor will, have the capacity to be even a smidgen of the father that you want him to be. I really hope for your own sake you can cut contact so he won't be making you feel terrible with his contact (or, in this case, lack thereof). I can't help but wonder if you have some hope still of him even changing just a little towards the end but I worry that it is false hope. I don't find that people change much towards the end, in fact, the control freaks tend to grab at whatever/whoever they can and dig their nails in, trying to gain some control. I saw it with my grandmother as she died, I love her buy my God, she was a control freak and remained so until she died.

Worried that if you keep contact, he will find ways to continue causing you pain up until the very end.

I think it's sad that he clearly never has, nor will, have the capacity to be even a smidgen of the father that you want him to be. I really hope for your own sake you can cut contact so he won't be making you feel terrible with his contact (or, in this case, lack thereof). I can't help but wonder if you have some hope still of him even changing just a little towards the end but I worry that it is false hope. I don't find that people change much towards the end, in fact, the control freaks tend to grab at whatever/whoever they can and dig their nails in, trying to gain some control. I saw it with my grandmother as she died, I love her buy my God, she was a control freak and remained so until she died.

 

Worried that if you keep contact, he will find ways to continue causing you pain up until the very end.

It is sad but that is true . I do still hold out hope that he will be a human being even though I know it will never happen . Everybody keeps telling me to let go and forget him but I can't . I feel like everybody has done my head in . My mom saying oh your dad loves you your dad loves you he just doesn't know how to do it right .' Then in the next minute she will say forget him he's never been your dad . Then she says oh you give your son every single benefit of the doubt but you give none to your father . Oh counsellors have told you to forget about him because he's never been your dad well maybe that's the answer . Be careful that you do it the right way because you may regret it when he's dead. Yeah way to work me over too Mom . They both work your head over like a punch ball .

I don't know what to do anymore .