I'm so scared I literally want to die

So I had unprotected sex with a guy I was dating. We didn't go long and he never came it was just for a few minutes because it was painful for me. After the deed. (I know I should of asked before hand but I didn't that was stupid) I asked him how many partners he had he said 10 which is a lot to me enough though he is 25. He claims he got tested and it came back negative in the beginning of the year. So he was clean and he also said he hasn't recently had sex with anyone. I'm going to get tested tomorrow but my nerves are getting the best of me I keep crying every time I think about it. I call him to reaffirm what he said. He still said he is clean and that my test should come back negative. But I'm just so scared. I can't control my emotions. I'm only 20 I was so stupid now I'm afraid I have to pay the price. Plus the boy just used me !!! The biggest mistake of my life I don't know what I'm going to do if this test comes back positive. I'm so afraid.

It sounds like you are learning a valuable lesson. I'm sorry you are feeling so afraid, but there's nothing you can do about it today. Trust the doctors to do their work. It will be okay, Kit-Kat.

You never ever have unprotected sex without having a long term relationship(and got tested of course ).Anyway I am pretty sure you will come clean but let this incident be a lesson.

Yep, just hold on and wait till you know for sure.

But as everyone else has said, learn this lesson, do not have sex (especially unprotected) with people you don't know. Most couples don't even go unprotected till a few months down the line when they know each other well and birth control is in place and both know they are clean.

I'm sure you will be fine! Unless he's a liar which I'm sure he is not, I'm sure he's clean like he says...

Why do you say he used you?

10 partners at 25 is not a lot seriously...

But yes unprotected sex only in a long term relationship from now on... and with adequate birth control. Either you take the pill REGULARLY or get an IUD which is probably your best bet because it leaves the least amount to chance.

But for now stop freaking out seriously you will be fine, you will come back clean.

And you realize most STDs can be treated pretty easily.

I say he used me because after we had sex it seemed like he started to lose interest.

Ok, you are probably very anxious now. It doesn't mean you are in danger though. It is the risk that is scaring you, not a real illness right now. Are you worried about HIV in particular?

Ok, you are probably very anxious now. It doesn't mean you are in danger though. It is the risk that is scaring you, not a real illness right now. Are you worried about HIV in particular?

Yes I really don't want HIV

Yes I really don't want HIV

It is VERY hard for a woman to contract HIV, especially if he didn't finish.

Gay men are more prone to HIV due to tearing. The wounds are an entry point for the virus.

Ok. I'm not trying to be mean, but I recognized your username.

You shared this thread: (I can't link in the app, I guess)

My mom found a pregnancy test

You have demonstrated a history of making stupid sexual decisions.

STOP having sex until you gain control of your life again. You cannot continue to make life changing decisions in such a risky way.

You need to carry condoms and responsibly use birth control. Until you can successfully do both, no sex.

It is VERY hard for a woman to contract HIV, especially if he didn't finish.

 

Gay men are more prone to HIV due to tearing. The wounds are an entry point for the virus.

Thank you for telling me this it makes me less paranoid.

OK. Relax. HIV is rare, seriously much rarer than you think. And if it is (don't drop and faint right now), it will actually never affect you much. The last ten years or so have been revolutionary in HIV treatment and medication is down to one pill a day and because you will be spotting it early on, your count will be seriously low, you will test clean in tests You will have children if you want and you will find loving partners. Seriously HIV is not the death sentence it used to be. Between a bad cancer and HIV, I would gladly take the latter any day.

Speak to a health advisor tomorrow, if they think it is necessary, they may give you PEP (post exposure treatment) but they will probably not need it.

As for the test, there is something called a window period, that is, there is a bit of time between a virus enters your body and becomes visible in tests. Here is a chart for different HIV tests and window periods. Know what test they give you and keep your own timeline properly.

In between avoid googling it all the time. You will learnt about seroconversion - something like a flu- which is like an early sign. But when you read it you "get" it. It is because symptoms are so commonplace ones that when we are worried, we can easily find them everywhere on our bodies. This is just psychological. Only a test will tell you and I think you will be fine.

Learn the window periods of all STDs and don't worry.

Here is what happens to people. Sometimes, when a partner whom we don't trust much exhibits strange behaviour, we get a little trauma, something is off. Then the mind turns it into a big, different worry in no time if we are prone to anxiety. You are probably hurt about the guy right now and this is what is under the HIV fear. Or maybe you feel guilty or angry with yourself about your recklessness. In experiences like yours, some people feel that if the partner was declaring big love etc, they probably would not feel stuff this early. He seems to have scared you in some psychological way - that losing interest thing changed his image in your mind. But HIV does not recognize this image anyway, bad guys or horrible people etc don't have it more than others.

Whatever it is, no need to associate it with HIV right now. Only a test will tell and most probably, like most most probably, you will be fine. I know a woman whose husband was positive for six years but hid it from the family - and they continued unprotected sex. She didn't get it. She also gave birth to an healthy child. This doesn't mean you should take crap risks pretending they don't exist. But at least, take one day at a time and try to relax as the risk is not as high as you are perceiving it.

Don't hesitate to post when the worry hits, it is a bit repetitive.

Stay strong

OK. Relax. HIV is rare, seriously much rarer than you think. And if it is (don't drop and faint right now), it will actually never affect you much. The last ten years or so have been revolutionary in HIV treatment and medication is down to one pill a day and because you will be spotting it early on, your count will be seriously low, you will test clean in tests You will have children if you want and you will find loving partners. Seriously HIV is not the death sentence it used to be. Between a bad cancer and HIV, I would gladly take the latter any day.

 

Speak to a health advisor tomorrow, if they think it is necessary, they may give you PEP (post exposure treatment) but they will probably not need it.

 

As for the test, there is something called a window period, that is, there is a bit of time between a virus enters your body and becomes visible in tests. Here is a chart for different HIV tests and window periods. Know what test they give you and keep your own timeline properly.

 

 

 

In between avoid googling it all the time. You will learnt about seroconversion - something like a flu- which is like an early sign. But when you read it you "get" it. It is because symptoms are so commonplace ones that when we are worried, we can easily find them everywhere on our bodies. This is just psychological. Only a test will tell you and I think you will be fine.

 

Learn the window periods of all STDs and don't worry.

 

Here is what happens to people. Sometimes, when a partner whom we don't trust much exhibits strange behaviour, we get a little trauma, something is off. Then the mind turns it into a big, different worry in no time if we are prone to anxiety. You are probably hurt about the guy right now and this is what is under the HIV fear. Or maybe you feel guilty or angry with yourself about your recklessness. In experiences like yours, some people feel that if the partner was declaring big love etc, they probably would not feel stuff this early. He seems to have scared you in some psychological way - that losing interest thing changed his image in your mind. But HIV does not recognize this image anyway, bad guys or horrible people etc don't have it more than others.

 

Whatever it is, no need to associate it with HIV right now. Only a test will tell and most probably, like most most probably, you will be fine. I know a woman whose husband was positive for six years but hid it from the family - and they continued unprotected sex. She didn't get it. She also gave birth to an healthy child. This doesn't mean you should take crap risks pretending they don't exist. But at least, take one day at a time and try to relax as the risk is not as high as you are perceiving it.

 

Don't hesitate to post when the worry hits, it is a bit repetitive.

 

Stay strong

Thank you so much you have no idea how much I needed this

I'm glad it helps. If you feel this anxiety lasts longer then you are ready to tolerate, you may look at some faulty thoughts that make anxiety longer. If any thought fall into this category, you can remind yourself that it is just a faulty thought that doesn't represent reality. Let it be there and carry on with your life. All from Hyman and Pedrick's OCD workbook but can be useful I think.

1.Overestimating risk: "A tiny, one-in a million chance of something bad happening is exactly the same as a huge 99.999 percent chance of something happening."

2. Black and white thinking: "If I'm not perfectly safe, then I'm in great danger."

3. Catastrophizing: "An open sore on my arm means I will definitely get AIDS if I'm around someone I think has AIDS." See you are not alone

4. Intolerance of anxiety: "I can't stand being anxious for even a short period of time... I will do anything to feel better now."

So yes, anything classified like this is just anxiety.

Focus on things that relax you, a warm bath, comfort food, pamper yourself. Don't be angry with yourself about the cause, your recklessness. There isn't good or bad HIV. This fear could have occured because of an accident in a hospital or on the street. Then you would feel less "guilty" No need to hate yourself because of reckless sex and the guilt it brings.

In bed, you can try relaxing focusing on the soft sensations of your pillow on your face etc.

Be a big girl and show some proper love to yourself. Treat yourself like your best friend and most beloved person who is going through this.

You will be OK soon.

Stay strong.

Is this the same guy you broke up with about 6 weeks ago?

Is he the same guy whom you had a pregnancy scare with a week ago?

It only takes one time to get HIV and you cannot tell who has it or who doesn't and they might not even know they have it. And once you contract HIV, it's for life.

It also only takes one time to get pregnant and the guy does not have to ejaculate.

What you need to do is stop taking such stupid risks. If you go and get tested and come out fine, do not forget the feelings of not knowing if you've got a disease in you or if you are going to carry a baby around for nine months and then raise it for 19 years

There is no need to be so careless ans reckless with your life. Stop having sex with men you do not know but if you do have sex, always always use a condom and then your problems on both pregnancy and STD'S are solved.

Katrina, how did it go today?

Did you go to a health centre? How do you feel?

I hope all is ok. I'd repeat the tests in 3-6 months also -ask your health professional what is recommended.