ADHD and Depression: What can I do/suggest to help?

My boyfriend whom I have been with for 5 years and living with for a year has ADHD. He is 29 and has come to a point in his life where it is affecting him greatly. He has not been on ADHD medication since he was in high school. It took him a long time to finish college because of having a hard time focusing. This whole year his ADHD has made him very depressed because he cannot accomplish any of his goals in life. It's so bad that he has stopped going to work. At first he took leave for 3 months but never got around to dealing with it. He has gone to therapy but did not even keep up going to that because of his ADHD. He considered going back on ADHD medication but told me he will be a zombie on it basically. He is having a really hard time and I would like to help him. He has a great job at a major international company yet when they give him office work to do he cannot concentrate to actually do the work, so he puts it off and won't go into the office. He has no problem working in the field or actively doing work with his hands on site projects.

He told me it's something he needs to deal with but he is not even sure what to do about it himself. He constantly thinks that he needs a break and it will help him, we took 3 vacations together, and in college he spent 3 months away but none of those helped. I think that switching jobs would be a good idea for him but if he is not figuring out how to manage his ADHD then it will just keep happening over and over again. A vicious cycle.

I am not sure how to help him or what to suggest. Does anyone here have experience with or advice on what he could do for his ADHD and depression?

Don't be his therapist. Don't try to fix him. Don't mommy him. Do not manage his career. Those things will kill a relationship..

Just be his gf and let him manage his problems. Focus on yourself and your career and your own health and friends and make sure you have a life outside of him or trying fix and manage him. He's an adult.

Does it affect your relationship? Does he want a break from you?

He has a great job at a major international company.He has no problem working in the field or actively doing work with his hands on site projects. He told me it's something he needs to deal with but he is not even sure what to do about it himself. He constantly thinks that he needs a break and it will help him

There are different medications he can try. Yes, it's a journey to find the right one, but at this point, the only thing he has left to lose, is you.

At first he took leave for 3 months but never got around to dealing with it.

This seems like a problem. Avoiding/running from the issue isn't going to do him any favors.

However, as Wiseman said, you can't fix this for him. But you can decide how to respond.

If you are supportive and can accept his weaknesses, then perhaps this isn't so bad.

I'm just trying to support him. He came to me last night feeling down about the issue and does not know what to do about it. I would never try manage his career or "fix" him. He just doesn't know what to do to help manage things and I thought I would post for any suggestions about what worked for some people.

I'm just trying to support him. He came to me last night feeling down about the issue and does not know what to do about it. I would never try manage his career or "fix" him. He just doesn't know what to do to help manage things and I thought I would post for any suggestions about what worked for some people.

The thing is, though, that he does know what to do. He just isn't doing it for whatever reasons. Medication will help, and so will therapy. Making himself take the starting steps is what will help him.

You are not a doctor. Tell him to ask a doctor about what to do. Don't enable whining and stalling and helplessness.

Tell him 'geez, i don't know what to suggest, a therapist may have better ideas than i could ever offer'. Then change the subject.

He came to me last night feeling down about the issue and does not know what to do about it. He just doesn't know what to do to help manage things and I thought I would post for any suggestions about what worked for some people.

bumping this. OP do you still come here? has he figured something out? i'm new to ADD, doing reasonably well, but interested in how people cope. I hope he is doing better, and you.

I am very sorry to hear about his situation. I have ADHD and I know that feeling of frustration all too well. He should definitely consult his psychiatrist and ask about other medications to try, in particular non-stimulants; or ask if there are any dietary supplements he can take which might ease his symptoms (apparently that works for some people). Not all ADHD meds are created equal, and not all treatments require meds. If he leaves it untreated for too long, he might end up falling deeper into a depressive state, or he could even end up developing more illnesses.

Sounds like the depression is the (logical) result of not being able to translate his intentions into action. This is purely adhd. Treat the adhd with meds - there are several new ones - and the depression will likely go away.

Adhd meds generally do not result in that zombie feeling; there is one or two that might but most do not. A doctor familiar with adhd will be able to help.

I am very sorry to hear about his situation. I have ADHD and I know that feeling of frustration all too well. He should definitely consult his psychiatrist and ask about other medications to try, in particular non-stimulants; or ask if there are any dietary supplements he can take which might ease his symptoms (apparently that works for some people). Not all ADHD meds are created equal, and not all treatments require meds. If he leaves it untreated for too long, he might end up falling deeper into a depressive state, or he could even end up developing more illnesses.

i feel like i may have mislead ppl with my comment. the thread is old. i bumped the thread in hopes OP is still around and may have information to share on how it worked out.

it's a topic ppl are frequently interested in though, so it can definitely benefit others to read more replies (hence my own curiosity as well). just wanted to clarify that i revived an old thread, to avoid confusion

Does anyone here have experience with or advice on what he could do for his ADHD and depression?

I used to have hardcore depression, slept in bed for 2 weeks without meals once, only water... Anyway, tried 2 grams of dried magic mushrooms once and just sat in my room by myself with only the internet to keep me busy. Ended up thinking it out and cleaning my room at the same time, I have been depression free ever since, going on year 2! I suggest having him try to replicate the same situation, remove all harmful things give him internet and alone time... I had 2 grams of golden teachers (dried) and I had about 5 or so hours to myself with only 2 interruptions from roommates whom wanted to borrow tools. It is his life on the line, try anything. Mushrooms have been proven to make more connections in the brain, lasting connections, maybe we just need to connect a few more wires to get out of our deep dark hole.

Also, ADHD or ADD is fake, well not fake, it is normal, just how that person thinks. Not everyone can focus on the same thing for the same amount of time. Just like not everyone likes coke or pepsi or the color blue.