Is this emotional abuse?

Whenever me and my mum have a stupid little argument, she will completely blank me for up to a week afterwards. She would completely ignore me like I don't even exist and sweetly talk to my sister in the same room. She knows full well how much the silent treatment hurts me. It drives me nuts and makes me break down several times until she speaks to me again.

Is this emotional abuse or just immaturity?

how old are you?

stonewalling a child is very damaging, yes.

I'm 22-years-old. This has been going on for years.

at 22, i would consider moving out as soon as possible, and a few sessions with a therapist to prevent her rejection/neglect negatively influencing how you relate to people. if this was a pattern set up during your formative years, it would cause problems.

think of what it made you feel and think about yourself when she cut you off and created a sibling schism. emotional neglect results in stress related disorders more frequently than physical abuse even.

have you noticed other traits in her character that explain this behavior in a context? something along the narcissistic continuum? or just terrible communication?

what are the spats about?

is she a single mum that has a habit of getting overinvolved with the kids, enmeshed...?

it's one thing if you two can't find a good way to communicate, and another if it's characterological and determines the entire family dynamics.

I usually try to talk to her in a calm manner, but she never does, and resorts to insults sometimes.

Like, one time, I had an argument with my sister and we both got upset (my parents favour her over me because she has autism), I apologized afterwards and wanted the argument to end, but my mum still went on and on about it and kept insulting me, and my sister was never made to apologize despite saying she wished I was dead.

Honestly, communication and my mum don't mix.

Sometimes, I know for a fact something is wrong, and she acts passive-aggressive by saying, "Nothing!" in an angered voice, even though I'm only trying to help and I say if anything is on her mind then she can speak to me, although I always respect her decisions if she doesn't want to.

parenting an autistic child must be a challenge. they'd easily forgive her for speaking inappropriately because auties often can't assess the impact of their chosen words.

for parents to insult you though, or ignore you for days is certainly not fair or appropriate of course.

i doubt there's much you can do at this point apart from realizing their parenting style isn't functional, drop your expectations of getting one, and focus on offering yourself the support, empathy and nurturance they weren't able to give.

i doubt they'd be open to systemic therapy if suggested.

i am certain that they love you very much. but with a child that demands way more energy of them than a healthy one, their capacity for "containment" may be depleted. so when you voice a need, demand, the already depleted parent is short because they feel asked to extend more than they can. it's not your fault, or theirs, but with a family member who needs extra attention, it is sometimes the case. it would've been good had they had professional support when both you and sis were younger.

i can imagine how utterly hurtful it is to you. but i would try to remember everyone we know is always doing their best. sometimes our best is nowhere near good enough. when stressed, many people are short and blunt and insensitive, because they feel like too much is demanded of them. add to that that sometimes parents who are chronically stressed like this start to feel like children have an "agenda" almost like a war of attrition (think of parents of newborns who becaome irritable because the baby "never lets them sleep, or screams exactly at the moment they turn their lights off, as if the baby is intentionally disturbing them), and while they can get themselves to not personalize the child voicing her needs excessively or inappropriately when she has a condition, they expect the healthy one to take the "quiet and never needs anything" role to not overburden them. the capacity to be rational in assessing every child, healthy or not has needs, is prioritized on the child who factually couldn't survive without them. again, it's not fair to you, but it may be how they rationalize their own behavior and understanding that may help you see they don't not-love-you, but are not coping with parental demands. you're not asking too much-- but they can offer less than what you realistically need.

you can't force them to get help...but you can get some support for yourself, so that you don't end up forever living with viscious introjects of attachment figures who insult, reject and neglect you. the earliest attachment is a prototype for all other attchments, so i'd get someone who can model a healthy, caring, empowering parenting style that would serve me as a guide for how i relate to myself, others, and what types of people and relationship roles i choose.

Yes, this is abuse - no matter what age you are, silent treatment, especially to that extent, is damaging in a relationship of any kind.

My father used to give us silent treatment like that, and it is something I am STILL working hard to get over even though he hasn't done it since I was a teenager. I'm almost 32, and to this day when someone doesn't respond to me I feel very uncomfortable and begin worrying. I have learned to cope, and this wasn't the only form of abuse from my Dad, but definitely address this issue with your mother or someone you trust with the information like a counselor at school or a family therapist if you have any access to one.

Agree it's time to move out if you and your mother can't get along. Sounds like way too much sibling rivalry and jealousy as well.

Both situations would improve greatly if you removed yourself from the situation. What about friends? Other family? Where's your father in all this?

Your autistic sister and mother are not going to change so all you can do is stop arguing with them. Walk away. Take the high road and be the one who says "ok lets just calm down" and then go to your room, go out and cool off,etc.

Find your own path with work, school, friends and other relatives.

I had an argument with my sister and we both got upset I apologized afterwards and wanted the argument to end, but my mum still went on and on about it and kept insulting me, and my sister was never made to apologize despite saying she wished I was dead.