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Thread: Gf cuts herself in my name

  1. #1
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    Gf cuts herself in my name

    We're back together for a second round. We're trying to figure out how to get along with each other. Unfortunately we have fallen back into the same pointless loops and arguments that caused our initial break up three months ago.
    things are getting uglier. Arguments go a bit like this....
    Everything seems to be going fine then I say something that triggers her somehow. Then she brings up the past some time over the last year that we've been together wear something I said or did hurt her feelings. As I listen to her it becomes obvious to me that I did not say what she says that I said, but rather something similar, but not of the same context. Being the person that I am for better or for worse, I am inclined to say no I did not say that, what I said was this….. Well this Doesn't go over well most of the time. She says things like you always do this or every time you always……. At this point if I am to say something in my defense, it is likely that it will get turned back around on me. For example today at the end of an argument I started to tell her how I felt about the issue at hand, I told her I can't handle this type of behavior, of which I won't go into detail here. She reacts by saying well you always do this and that and so on and so forth, as I could predict like clockwork she has turned my concern into an accusation back onto me. Now I feel that I have done something wrong. This continues to escalate into a pointless self-defeating loop. And it happens quite often. She is able to successfully and the argument eventually by saying that she's going to cut herself again and that she's going to do it for me. She says that I'm going to be so sorry, that I have pushed her to this limit. She says she's going to do this one in my name. I am so fed up with this, if I'm not mistaken this is classic manipulation. I tell her please don't cut yourself ever again. She says don't worry this one wasn't so bad, it won't need stitches. As a sidenote, the last time she cut herself two weeks ago she used a serrated knife and cut so deep into her arm that I had to take her to The emergency room for stitches. That time as well, it was apparently my fault that she cut herself. After she does this she goes into a spiral of guilt and self hatred. She comes around and tells me that she sorry, that she's a horrible person and that she hates herself and would be better off dead. I try to explain to her today that when she cuts herself it also cuts me that I have a scar forever in my mind for every scar that she has put on her body since we've been together. This didn't get through to her this time.
    I am personally at my limit of what I'm able to take in. Two cuts ago when she used the serrated knife I was unfortunately standing Close enough to see her but not close enough to do anything about it. I saw the knife to slice across her alarm in the blood start to use out. I was in shock, I could not believe what I was seeing, and I could feel my toes curl inward. At the emergency room they took her in for a psychiatric evaluation but released her.

    The arguing, the control issues, her lack of trust, and her self-defeating attitude towards her own life, this is all very hard for me to deal with. I had never imagined that I would have ended up in a relationship with somebody who is just on heroin a year prior. If I had known about this before hand I would've stayed far away, but here I am now a year into this relationship approaching the second break up, and I am both fearful and excited that this one will be over for good.

    I have to admit some scary details, I had a very disturbing dream two nights ago. I dreamt that I created a plan which I executed brutally that resulted in her death. Hours go by during the dream and while I'm dreaming I find myself in shock at what I have done, so brutal. I immediately go into fear of what I have done and how much trouble I'm going to be in and how I have just completely ruined my entire life. I think to myself, I have to go get the body and hide it, what am I going to tell her parents? What am I going to tell her friends?
    The scariest part about this is not that I killed her in the dream, but that the rest of the dream I was only concerned with myself and I was not remorseful or regretful for what I did to her. Allow me to elaborate on some more examples. After only being with her for two weeks, when we would shower together I would look at her naked body and for some reason I would get these grew some images of her cut up and her guts coming out of her belly. I never told her about this and had assumed that perhaps she had been through some really bad experiences where people had tried to kill her maybe? Maybe somehow she was subconsciously communicating these fears to me and was afraid that I was going to kill her? I found this all very disturbing. During this time is when we first started arguing a lot it only took three weeks for us to start to really get into it with each other. There was one time while everything was OK we were not arguing. But I walked her and had a sudden flash an image, of me hitting her over the head with a hammer. I thought to myself holy , I can't believe I just saw that! I had a dreadful feeling at that moment that it was a premonition that I would eventually grow to hate her, or worse.

    We've been together now for the second time for almost one month. Her gruesome aggressive cutting started on the third day. I feel that I am permanently scarred every time I think about how I saw her cut herself my toes still curl and I can feel it in my stomach. So much for sex drive, not that that's important at this point. Today I saw her aura for lack of a better word. She was extremely depressed she shrunk in the corner of the room into a dark Dungeoness vibrational energy. It was like she was far far away down stuck in a tunnel of doom. A pit of hopelessness. Is it even possible for me to help her at this point? I wonder this often. Do I even currently still love her? Or am I just trying to get back what I felt once or twice during the first week or two. There may be potential, but I find myself setting boundaries that unfortunately insist on her changing quite a bit. I know for one thing that if she ever cut yourself again I'm going to have to head for the hills. I have sympathy for her but I cannot participate in this game any longer.
    Perhaps the powers that be are trying to tell me something with all of these insights, images, and crazy dreams.

    In four days she has a dental appointment to get root canal's and cavities filled. If I send her back home she will not be able to get this done for free here. She told me that she no longer cares about her health or her mouth but I told her it was in her best interest to go through with the procedure as it could affect the rest of her life to dismiss the cavities. I need to break up with her, I'm starting to realize this again, why did I even think that it was going to work out the second time around?
    Should I get her out of here before her appointment? Why should I care about her health when she doesn't even care about it? It's a risk just having her around. But, assuming everything goes OK I can't imagine living to regret helping her out one last time.
    I wish things were different.

    I find myself daydreaming quite a bit about what life would be like either single or with a partner who didn't go crazy all the time. How many opportunities have I already blown by insisting to make this one work? Has the stress of this relationship caused me to age and extra three or four years? Today I saw a couple while I was out having lunch, The woman seemed like a nice normal well mannered person, and I found myself wondering what it would be like to be able to talk to my partner and have her sound like a mentally stable person when she replied.

    I feel like I'm the one going crazy sometimes, I've never been more confused about anything in my entire life. My guys are telling me to run for the hills, but something in my heart is telling me to give her everything every chance in the world. Or maybe that's just my pants talking, it's so hard to tell I am so confused so so confused and lost about what I'm doing in the situation and what I should be doing.

  2. #2
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    What kind of professional help is she currently receiving for her emotional health issues?

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    None, she talks about needing it though but can't get it started in her own

  4. #4
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    Has she ever received a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder? It is an emotional condition which I won't go into here, but it is very difficult to manage for the sufferer and it is often the people closest to them who cop the fallout.

    While you are staying with her and 'justifying' her cutting, she is unlikely to get help because she's blaming you for 'making her do it'. While she is the only one responsible for her actions, you are the only one responsible for yours, including your own well being. I totally, totally sympathise with your statement:
    I know for one thing that if she ever cut yourself again I'm going to have to head for the hills. I have sympathy for her but I cannot participate in this game any longer.
    but while you stick around, you ARE participating in the game.
    Should I get her out of here before her appointment? Why should I care about her health when she doesn't even care about it?
    Yes. As your guy friends say, head for the hills. The only chance she stands is if you stop taking responsibility for things which are rightly hers, and leave HER to make the decision to get the help she rightly needs. While you're still around, this isn't going to happen.

    Sorry... this really is tough love. If you do leave her, be prepared for an enormous backlash and make sure you have support in place first. You are completely powerless over her, her feelings and actions - but her problems are already becoming yours. That's if you willingly stick around to pick them up.

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Firstly, This girl needs professional help and the sooner the better. She has way too many serious issues. Not sure what her age is, but maybe tell her parents and get them to make an appointment for her.

    Secondly, WHY on earth put yourself through this AGAIN?? This "relationship" is so dysfunctional and totally toxic, and that's an understatement. There is nothing to be confused about. End it once and for all and NEVER go back. Ever. Perhaps it wouldn't go amiss if you also went to therapy to help you figure out why you keep going back to something so toxic and allow someone to treat you so badly and manipulate you. It's just not normal (imo).

    You two are totally incompatible and toxic for each other. End it once and for all. You can do a lot better.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member greta96's Avatar
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    This girl has major psychiatric problems and the only person who may be able to make a difference is a trained professional, whose help she needs desperately now, not later. You can't help because despite what she's trying to make you believe, her issues are not related to you at all. She needs medication + counseling, at the very least.

    You have already given her more chances than most people would, especially since no amount of chances will ever make a difference. Quite the opposite, give her more chances and she may end up killing herself! What you need to do, if you really are serious about helping her, is tell someone close to her (parents, anyone) in detail what she's been doing and saying, and then let them handle it. You go on living your life, stop any contact with her, and let the professionals do their jobs. As for this "Or maybe that's just my pants talking", you're better off masturbating for a while until you meet someone healthy, then sticking around someone so sick and delaying her getting the help she needs.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately it's not working no matter what you do. Perhaps she should go back home to her family in her hometown? How old is she? Sadly you are both very toxic to each other.

    Until she can return home, keep calling 911 if she starts self-injury. She needs serious help not a toxic conflicted relationship with someone who has homicidal ideation and dreams about "brutally killing her"

    To be honest a trip to the therapist/psychiatrist to get a checkup yourself would be a great idea. Your homicidal thoughts are rather disturbing.
    Originally Posted by Wateroflife
    we have fallen back into the same pointless loops and arguments that caused our initial break up three months ago. I saw the knife to slice across her alarm in the blood start to use out. At the emergency room they took her in for a psychiatric evaluation but released her. I dreamt that I created a plan which I executed brutally that resulted in her death. The scariest part about this is not that I killed her in the dream, but that the rest of the dream I was only concerned with myself

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    Thanks for all your replies, she's 27 and lives with me. My friend told me that my crazy dream was a sign from the universe to get the heck away from her.
    I spent the night out last night, and she sent me a message saying "I'm sorry" at about 5am. It's hard to come to a solid conclusion when she seems to come around, however I've seen this all before more times than I care to remember. Today will likely be filled with her going into self misery mode and I'm not looking forward to it.

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    I'm still pretty sure I need to send her away to back home, but it hurts to have to give up on the hope that things could be normal. I'm a pretty chill laid back creative type, I make art for my living. To be honest all I want is just peace, and a partner who doesn't engage in so much drama with me. Please God please help me make the right decision, and please help me find a better companion.
    Last edited by Wateroflife; 12-16-2016 at 01:45 PM. Reason: Typo

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Stop playing games with this mentally fragile woman's life and well being.

    Homicidal dreams. Really?

    You are helping her self destruction and in fact refuse to let her go even though you are greatly harming her.

    Her going home to her family is the right choice for both of you. Stop being a drama king and get a grip.

    You need to help yourself do this 6710963]Please God please help me make the right decision, and please help me find a better companion.[/QUOTE]

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