Tips for sending online messages?

So I recently joined match and have had some success in setting up dates. However, I feel like I send a similar message most of the time and it will go something like this:

"Hey how's it going? [insert question about hobby or activity from the person's profile]? or I comment on their love of dog's since I am a big time dog person."

I looked online and they say to do similar things or they are PUA sites where I am supposed to write cheesy pickuplines (which is not my style).

What are some of the ways you message people through online dating?

I find a lot of online messages to be extremely sexual in nature and completely inappropriate these days. There's also the other end of the spectrum: boring and dull messages that say something along the lines of "hey" or "what up". A simple, kind and thoughtful message goes a long way with me. For example, if a guy compliments my pictures, tells me I have a great smile, and also refers to my profile and asks me questions, this gets my attention. I'll write messages to guys based on what appeals to me. I'm hoping like attracts like!

I find "hey, how's it going" to be a huge turn off.

Can you find something nicer to start the conversation with, maybe " Hello, my name is ......, I really like your profile, I am a dog lover too"........

I find "hey, how's it going" to be a huge turn off.

Can you find something nicer to start the conversation with, maybe " Hello, my name is ......, I really like your profile, I am a dog lover too"........

That's fair, I figure it is a nice way to see how they are but I could see how that is boring and doesn't catch their eye.

Do not worry so much about devising a generic yet alluring introduction. To be honest, even over one conversation, if you are truly compatible with somebody it will flow and go in the right direction!

I think it is always good to check out their profile and see what the two of you have in common. For example lets say they have in their bio that they are really into basketball, and you are a huge basketball fan as well. You could easily use this as a way to start a conversation.

If you are getting dates, it's working.

Honestly, there isn't that much to say in that first message. Touching on something you have in common, hobby, travel, etc. always good topics. Write too much and it can come across over the top and creepyish. One woman won't like this phrase, another that. There is no way to please every single woman. So the key is to be yourself because the woman who likes you as you are is the one who will be right.

Some guys will send really nice, long, well thought out e-mails. Guess what? Yeah I will read it, probably think he seems nice, but all that first message does is make me go look at this profile and if I don't like his pics, what's in the profile, see incompatibilities, all that heartfelt message is going to get him is a polite version of "thanks for the effort but no thanks" regardless. I'm never going to go meet a guy just because he can write well. You can't base a relationship in real life on writing ability.

It's ye olde if you try to please everyone, you'll end up pleasing no one. So don't over think things. Say something brief and polite, if you have women responding and dates, you are doing well.

I agree there isn't a way to write and interest everyone. I've had some mixed results with online dating in the past and just recently started up again. I've gotten a couple of phone numbers but only one date so far (the others either flaked or I lost interest).

Just figured it was worth seeing what others have had success with and see if I can put it into my outreaches.

Online might not be the best thing for me since I'm more of a face to face person (I try to setup dates after a few email exchanges) but figure it's worth to explore all avenues while working the 9-5 lifestyle

I just write what I am feeling at the time. If she's a good match, she'll respond.

I follow some common sense guidelines. My emails are interesting, at least they are to me, if she doesn't agree, not a good match. I demonstrate and tell a story instead of describing. Any dufus on the Internet can say "I'm energetic", "I'm honest", blah blah. You like dogs? So what, almost everyone likes dogs. Tell a short story involving a dog. Use a spellchecker. Nothing sexual. If you're not a serious person, don't send serious emails. If you're not funny, don't try humor.

The number one thing I think, is don't cater, or think about what they want to hear. Present your true self. If they like it great, if they don't, next;.

I just write what I am feeling at the time. If she's a good match, she'll respond.

 

I follow some common sense guidelines. My emails are interesting, at least they are to me, if she doesn't agree, not a good match. I demonstrate and tell a story instead of describing. Any dufus on the Internet can say "I'm energetic", "I'm honest", blah blah. You like dogs? So what, almost everyone likes dogs. Tell a short story involving a dog. Use a spellchecker. Nothing sexual. If you're not a serious person, don't send serious emails. If you're not funny, don't try humor.

 

The number one thing I think, is don't cater, or think about what they want to hear. Present your true self. If they like it great, if they don't, next;.

This ^ and try to be a little creative.

Pls don't ever use those cheesy lines from the PUA sites, or follow some sort of script, ugh.

This ^ and try to be a little creative.

Pls don't ever use those cheesy lines from the PUA sites, or follow some sort of script, ugh.

Oh don't worry, just reading the PUA suggestions make me cringe.

Oh don't worry, just reading the PUA suggestions make me cringe.

LOL, most of the stuff on those PUA sites make me cringe!

LOL, most of the stuff on those PUA sites make me cringe!

That's what I figured. I mean if I don't feel comfortable reading it, I can only imagine what it's like for a woman to deal with these.

You mentioned being yourself but also creative. Could you elaborate a little on what you mean by creative?

Also thanks for all the input on my last few posts! Super helpful!

 

You mentioned being yourself but also creative. Could you elaborate a little on what you mean by creative?

 

Also thanks for all the input on my last few posts! Super helpful!

You're very welcome and I just found the below on the internet.

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Be funny. You want to start out your texting by being funny. Being flirtatious, making jokes and keeping things light is the way to go. The reason being, it’s the best way to take what’s inherently an edgy situation — texting someone you don’t know that well — and making it more relaxing and easygoing. A lot of men make the mistake of getting too serious too quickly. Being funny from the get go is the best way to avoid this.

Be a bit challenging. Still, just being funny isn’t going to get you the date. You also want to be challenging and push back a bit. You can (and should) do this in a flirtatious way that keeps things light. However, the point here isn’t to be “entertaining.” Rather, what you’re going for is — playfully — letting her know that she has to win you over, that you’re not just going to go for any woman. That you’re only looking for the right woman. Showing her that you have standards is a great way to increase your value, while also creating a sort of tension between the two of you…

mgsportsfan -- That one^ is tricky and may take some practice. Feel free to practice on me if you like (via personal message) before you try it on a chick, I don't mind, I'd like to help you. I always tell the truth.

Using emoji. A lot of guys don’t like using emoji when they text. When you’re flirting with girls, however, it’s of the utmost importance for you to do so. When you go out to a bar or club for the night to meet women you want to smile to show that you’re approachable and to communicate friendliness. Unfortunately, one of the limitations of texting is that you don’t have tone of voice, facial expressions or other body language cues to help communicate. Emoticons, especially Emojis, can go a long way toward replacing a lot of what is getting lost, helping you to flirt more effectively.

Go for the date. Of course, the point here is to get her to agree to go on a date with you. So once you two have been flirting a bit, wait for a high point in the conversation to suggest that the two of you get together some time. Have a date idea in mind based on mutual interests.

Don’t worry if she doesn’t bite on your first idea. Instead, suggest something else. She might be into going out with you, just not into the date. Alternately, she might be into the date, but unavailable at the time you suggested.

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I recall texting with one guy and he knew how to do all this super effectively and it pulled me right in! Maybe it came naturally to him, don't know but we had a lot of fun together.

Anyway, there's tons of other helpful tools you can use, use google. Always remember to be genuine, the above are just suggestions to guide you as to what's right for YOU. Hope this helps!

Since it's a numbers game you have to send out messages, right? Ok but they need to be a bit personalized and engaging enough.

Agree with many other posters about anything starting hey or hows it going etc. It's an intro so no asking to meet up right away etc in the first message.

Start with a compliment "I enjoyed reading your profile especially the part about dog show". Then reveal something about yourself "I have cats but that's another story i'll have to tell you about in person". Then finish with a question "Are you originally from Anytown?"

Of course this is a boring example but it's a simple 3 sentence template.

"Hey how's it going? [insert question about hobby or activity from the person's profile]? or I comment on their love of dog's since I am a big time dog person."

"

Start with a compliment "I enjoyed reading your profile especially the part about dog show". Then reveal something about yourself "I have cats but that's another story i'll have to tell you about in person". Then finish with a question "Are you originally from Anytown?"

.

This is good advise. Let me know you read my profile and don't just say `Hi'

I had a profile once that I even put in the headline -

I am not currently a paying member, therefore I can't see if you choose me as a `favorite'"

All I got in return was men choosing me as a favorite. Seriously?!

 

Start with a compliment "I enjoyed reading your profile especially the part about dog show". Then reveal something about yourself "I have cats but that's another story i'll have to tell you about in person". Then finish with a question "Are you originally from Anytown?"

 

That's a good intro and my response would be "No tell me now, I love hearing cat stories!! lol"

And his response would be "No, you need to go out with me. Then I'll tell you. (wink emoji)"

See how you just made that playful and kinda flirty? And confident?

Jmo but end it with that. Save asking her where she's from for another fun/flirty text.

You're very welcome and I just found the below on the internet.

 

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Be funny. You want to start out your texting by being funny. Being flirtatious, making jokes and keeping things light is the way to go. The reason being, it’s the best way to take what’s inherently an edgy situation — texting someone you don’t know that well — and making it more relaxing and easygoing. A lot of men make the mistake of getting too serious too quickly. Being funny from the get go is the best way to avoid this.

 

Be a bit challenging. Still, just being funny isn’t going to get you the date. You also want to be challenging and push back a bit. You can (and should) do this in a flirtatious way that keeps things light. However, the point here isn’t to be “entertaining.” Rather, what you’re going for is — playfully — letting her know that she has to win you over, that you’re not just going to go for any woman. That you’re only looking for the right woman. Showing her that you have standards is a great way to increase your value, while also creating a sort of tension between the two of you…

 

mgsportsfan -- That one^ is tricky and may take some practice. Feel free to practice on me if you like (via personal message) before you try it on a chick, I don't mind, I'd like to help you. I always tell the truth.

 

Using emoji. A lot of guys don’t like using emoji when they text. When you’re flirting with girls, however, it’s of the utmost importance for you to do so. When you go out to a bar or club for the night to meet women you want to smile to show that you’re approachable and to communicate friendliness. Unfortunately, one of the limitations of texting is that you don’t have tone of voice, facial expressions or other body language cues to help communicate. Emoticons, especially Emojis, can go a long way toward replacing a lot of what is getting lost, helping you to flirt more effectively.

 

Go for the date. Of course, the point here is to get her to agree to go on a date with you. So once you two have been flirting a bit, wait for a high point in the conversation to suggest that the two of you get together some time. Have a date idea in mind based on mutual interests.

Don’t worry if she doesn’t bite on your first idea. Instead, suggest something else. She might be into going out with you, just not into the date. Alternately, she might be into the date, but unavailable at the time you suggested.

 

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I recall texting with one guy and he knew how to do all this super effectively and it pulled me right in! Maybe it came naturally to him, don't know but we had a lot of fun together.

 

Anyway, there's tons of other helpful tools you can use, use google. Always remember to be genuine, the above are just suggestions to guide you as to what's right for YOU. Hope this helps!

Thanks Katrina and I might have to take you up on your offer I am not great at flirting in general (at least when I first meet someone) so I am sure I don't do it well over an email message.

Writing a message that is personalised is the easiest way to start the connection process. And by personalised, make mention of something in their profile but use something from your own personality as well.

If you are witty, use your wit in reference to a hobby, etc.

I like writing something a bit cryptic. Even if a girl isnt that interested, she'll often message to ask what I meant, etc.

The hook is important to get a reply but it can set the tone for further conversation. If she is playful and happy for some banter, I know we'll likely get along.

Just be you. If no girl wants to respond to what you have to say you guys wouldn't jive anyway.

My main tip is to send as many messages as possible, beause as a rule a conversion rate on this kind of sites is pretty low and you need to have patience if you want to receive some responses. You need to educate yourself on this matter and thankfully there are a lot of material in that subject. Its all in your hand and be patient with this. Take care!

Wow I was just gonna reply to this thread (last post 4/19), but then noticed it's from last year and I already responded!

Curious to know how mgsportsfan is doing though and if our advice helped.

mgsportsfan, if you're around, please do tell.

Hi there Katrina!

I haven't been on this site in awhile (after awhile I was coming to this site too often and making me think about my breakup and bouncing back into the dating pool). I did meet a girl online and things went well for about a month. However, things didn't really seem to progress and I decided to end things because I didn't want to lead her on.

We hung out and stuff but we only kissed maybe twice? And when I tried to get close to her (hold her hand or put my arm around her when we watched a movie at her place) she would distance herself (this was a few weeks into it, not like the first few dates!).

I decided to take some time away from dating after that since I felt like I had just been dating just to chase that feeling that I had lost from my previous relationship.

I focused on getting out of my job and today received a formal offer to a new place so I am excited.

I will say, I have occasionally gone back on the online sites but I am still feeling a bit discouraged. I guess I am going through a "cold streak" where the girls I message I don't get much of a response and the girls that are interested in me, I don't find myself attracted to them. I also think I need to start going out more on weekends and meeting people that way. I have been hanging out with friends and stuff but not going out on the town to try and meet people, it just hasn't been a top priority for me.

I think I need to re-read this thread to maybe help me get back into the swing of things. I will say, things have picked up on a positive note for me mentally since my BU back in October (I still see her at work, that's what I think has made it so difficult) plus now I will be leaving a job I have been really unhappy at for almost a year as well. Hoping this is the start of some positive steps forward for my career and personal life.