Just came back from a first date. Why do I always doubt myself after?

So I just went on a date with a girl I met online. She had a great personality and cute as well. We seemed to have a good conversation over dinner and when we left she said she would like to see me again.

Why do I always doubt myself when it comes to actually getting that second date? I have had a pretty good success rate with getting a second date, but I feel like everytime girls say they would like to see you again rather than say "sorry I wasn't feeling it" (which I would rather prefer to be honest).

Is this normal for me to think? Part of me feels confident but I always have that little lingering feeling in the back of my head until I get confirmation for date #2.

She is in grad school and has a 20 page paper to write this week and she still took some time to meet with me so I took that as a good sign as well.

That is a good sign if she said that. No girl is going to say that unless she really likes you.

^^^^ agreed. If I don't want a second date I ABSOLUTELY will not say that. I'll still be polite but say something else like "I enjoyed meeting you, thanks for dinner"

If she says that, it's a good sign. Be sure to ask her out again soon - at least ask her out in the next few days for a date sometime in the near future, I mean. Acknowledge she's uniquely busy and say something like "i had a great time. I know you're busy but I would like to see you again. I remember you saying your finals were done Thursday - would Friday or Saturday work?" As an example

The date seemed to go well. Let her know you enjoyed the date and make plans with her when she's done with her paper. If she liked the date as well then she will make some time for you.

Well I did send a text following our date tonight. Just saying it was great to meet you/hope you got back fine (it's been snowing where I am)/good luck with finals.

However, she hasn't responded to that. Not going to read too much into it, but probably not a great sign.

Our weekend is busy but would like to set up something (not just a dinner maybe bowling or some sort of activity) for the following week. But like I just said, she didn't respond back to my text so that's probably not a great sign.

Put yourself in her shoes, what would you say besides thank you?

I think it's reasonable to have left your text alone.

Send her a good morning text in the next day or so - I may be wrong, but I personally swoon for those. They are so sweet. Chat a bit and then ask if she'll be free this weekend.

And remember:

CONFIDENCE IS SEXY. Caps because this cannot be emphasized enough. Your hesitation is so unattractive and if she feels it, she may start to get distant. Just go for it. Literally what do you have to lose? You risk losing her from being inactive, so your worst case from acting confident is still the best case of being passive.

Wait a week then ask her out again if she doesn't respond to your text. If she does respond then ask her out then.

^ a week is too long. If a guy waited that long, I wouldn't take him seriously.

Put yourself in her shoes, what would you say besides thank you?

 

I think it's reasonable to have left your text alone.

 

Send her a good morning text in the next day or so - I may be wrong, but I personally swoon for those. They are so sweet. Chat a bit and then ask if she'll be free this weekend.

 

And remember:

CONFIDENCE IS SEXY. Caps because this cannot be emphasized enough. Your hesitation is so unattractive and if she feels it, she may start to get distant. Just go for it. Literally what do you have to lose? You risk losing her from being inactive, so your worst case from acting confident is still the best case of being passive.

I guess usually I would at least get some sort of response but I see your point. I don't see it as the end all be all.

I should maybe edit what I originally said. I said I had a great time and asked if she would like to meet up again and she said yes that would be great (something like that). But she didn't say what you said "nice meeting you thanks for dinner." I will wait a day or two and then just throw it out there and see what happens. I don't want to come off as clingy or needy.

The last date a I went on a couple of weeks ago, I suggested meeting up again and she agreed but later when I suggested a date she declined saying she didn't feel the spark. So that might be why I felt a little uneasy after this date.

That's fair, but what's the worst case? Say nothing, no date. Put yourself out there, maybe get a date and start something great!

That's fair, but what's the worst case? Say nothing, no date. Put yourself out there, maybe get a date and start something great!

Totally agree. It's at least worth a shot and worst case scenario she declines, move on no harm done.

Yeah, don't worry about the possible rejection too much. One date is easy to get over.

Gotta try! I have gotten the "thanks but no thanks" response too. It's a numbers game. If she doesn't respond, don't take it hard. Just move on and keep going. You will find someone.

Yeah, don't worry about the possible rejection too much. One date is easy to get over.

Yup, that I'm not worried about. I would just rather have someone say "I wasn't feeling it" or something like that rather than having false hope that's all. But everyone is different I guess.

I guess usually I would at least get some sort of response but I see your point. I don't see it as the end all be all.

 

I should maybe edit what I originally said. I said I had a great time and asked if she would like to meet up again and she said yes that would be great (something like that). But she didn't say what you said "nice meeting you thanks for dinner." I will wait a day or two and then just throw it out there and see what happens. I don't want to come off as clingy or needy.

 

The last date a I went on a couple of weeks ago, I suggested meeting up again and she agreed but later when I suggested a date she declined saying she didn't feel the spark. So that might be why I felt a little uneasy after this date.

I think you should stop overthinking and just ask her if you want to.

Most guys I met that were genuinely interested in me, asked me for a second date at the end of the first date (in person or via text). It's not clingy or needy, it's called being interested.

Believe me, it's not a turn off to someone who is reciprocal to your interest.

On the other hand, someone who isn't interested would've said no or found an excuse or agreed to meet but cancels or whatever regardless of when and how you ask.

P.S. I think it's been discussed in another thread here but wait too long and the woman will take it as you're not that interested and probably focused on dating others, and will move on. Also remembering it's easier to arrange a second date when the good memories of the first date is still fresh. Wait too long and they might just lose interest anyway. So definitely don't wait a week. I wouldn't wait more than a day or two max.

P.S. I think it's been discussed in another thread here but wait too long and the woman will take it as you're not that interested and probably focused on dating others, and will move on. Also remembering it's easier to arrange a second date when the good memories of the first date is still fresh. Wait too long and they might just lose interest anyway. So definitely don't wait a week. I wouldn't wait more than a day or two max.

I wasn't planning on waiting a week but maybe a couple of days. I don't want to annoy her while she is finishing up her finals, but maybe Weds/Thursday I will send a text about planning a possible second date and see what happens.

She may find it really cute/sweet if you shoot her a text wishing her good luck on her exams

If I don't hear from a guy in 2-3 days after a date, his number got deleted. When I say hear, I mean he nailed down the next date with me - date time place. If that needs to be a week or two out because of life, so be it. Regardless we have a date. In between a little lite texting or a phone call here and there works great.

Most guys in my experience will absolutely nail down a date at the end of the first one or the very next day when genuinely interested. Confident guys don't worry about playing it cool, they play it straightforward, as in "Here is what I'd like, are you interested or not?".

If I don't hear from a guy in 2-3 days after a date, his number got deleted. When I say hear, I mean he nailed down the next date with me - date time place. If that needs to be a week or two out because of life, so be it. Regardless we have a date. In between a little lite texting or a phone call here and there works great.

 

Most guys in my experience will absolutely nail down a date at the end of the first one or the very next day when genuinely interested. Confident guys don't worry about playing it cool, they play it straightforward, as in "Here is what I'd like, are you interested or not?".

So much this.

If I don't hear from a guy in 2-3 days after a date, his number got deleted. When I say hear, I mean he nailed down the next date with me - date time place. If that needs to be a week or two out because of life, so be it. Regardless we have a date. In between a little lite texting or a phone call here and there works great.

 

Most guys in my experience will absolutely nail down a date at the end of the first one or the very next day when genuinely interested. Confident guys don't worry about playing it cool, they play it straightforward, as in "Here is what I'd like, are you interested or not?".

Thanks for the feedback. I think to save myself from anymore anxiety I will send her a text tonight to setup a second date and see what happens. If she declines so be it at least I put myself out there and showed genuine interest. And if she agrees then even better

Let us know how it went! Good luck!

Put yourself in her shoes, what would you say besides thank you?

 

I think it's reasonable to have left your text alone

Well isn't it a sign that she didn't respond to it? Usually the girls I've dated at least were polite and responded to it. A couple of my female friends said this wasn't a good sign but still worth taking a shot at asking for a second date

And men think women overthink things

Not a sign. Just ask her out again. She expressed interest

And men think women overthink things

 

Not a sign. Just ask her out again. She expressed interest

Lol I never said I thought like the prototypical guy that's for sure. I do appreciate the feedback

Plus I was pretty aggressive in terms of setting up the date. I only sent 3-4 messages in total before getting her # and suggesting a date