My family has disowned my son & I. How do I get past this?

This is my first time to post, I really hope reaching out will help me to move on from my family disowning us and help me release this guilt/doubt I feel everyday. I got married to another woman about 6 months, she is amazing and my 4 year old adores her! My whole family disowned me and my son, I knew they would disown me but I never dreamed they would turn their backs on my son who hasn't done a thing. Everyday I think about my son losing the opportunity to grow up with his family. I know that it's their lost but it is also my sons lost too. I just want to be able to put this behind me and not have all these different thoughts replaying in my head day after day. Any advice?

your boy is better off not living with a family as backwards as that. i assume if they tyrannize people for who they love, they do it for a lot of other things too. i can't imagine he'd be growing up without unhealthy expectations and demands around them.

he will grow up with two caring ladies who love him. and learn early about the importance of sticking together and not conditioning the love you have for one another with rigid inhumane beliefs.

it will be tough at times. but if the three of you are a loving family, you'll do just fine.

i'm sorry you went through that.

eta: is there family on your wife's side who support you? good friends?

Thank goodness they got rid of that guy's hate post!

I'm sorry your family disowned you. I really am, because your parents give you power. The only thing you can do is lean on your wife's family and your wife to be your and your kid's family. After things settle down, I'd write them a letter, include photos, and just express that you miss them, or that your kid really would like a relationship with them regardless of how they feel about your marriage. And it's okay if they don't write back right away. It can take a lot of time to process things.

Hugs!!!

What did he write?

It's on your other identical post/thread.

What did he write?

I just saw it yes that was harsh but everyone has a right to their opinion. And in some points he is right and others and he is very wrong! Sorry I didn't mean to post it twice it's my first time I'm just getting the hang of it I'll make sure nothing post twice again so there won't be any confusion

don't worry, the mods will merge your threads when they notice. you can click the little triangle to the left under your post to send a report. it will open a message box and you can tell them you double posted by accident.

What is he right about? That it's cool that your family can turn away from their own flesh and blood because you love and marry a woman? What that tells me is that all they are concerned about is how they look before others.

Some people are so prideful, they don't realize how ridiculous they are being. So no, I don't support your folks or other being homophobes. And even if someone is a homophobe, at least remember they are still your kid. And I am by no means a liberal (but let's avoid turning this into any political). What gives them any right to tell you who to marry, or try to manipulate you by disowning you. Shame on them!

You know how you can keep your chin up? By being proud of the choice you have made. To love and make your own family. It's okay to write to them. At least you try. And then it's not on you.

This is my first time to post, I really hope reaching out will help me to move on from my family disowning us and help me release this guilt/doubt I feel everyday. I got married to another woman about 6 months, she is amazing and my 4 year old adores her! My whole family disowned me and my son, I knew they would disown me but I never dreamed they would turn their backs on my son who hasn't done a thing. Everyday I think about my son losing the opportunity to grow up with his family. I know that it's their lost but it is also my sons lost too. I just want to be able to put this behind me and not have all these different thoughts replaying in my head day after day. Any advice?

I think you're both better off without them. Do you really want your son around people who don't approve of your wife? Who would likely fill his head with lies about homosexuality and such? Their loss.

Thank you to everyone! It is a real relief to hear from other people that I'm not in the wrong for choosing to marry someone I love. My family has always been right next to me guiding me rather it be right or wrong it has been all I have known and now without them it makes me question myself and just fill my head with self doubt. Which I can't deal with anymore I want to be happy and move pn

Do they dislike her in particular or are they opposed to your being gay or gay marriage in general? How did you know they would disown you?

I got married to another woman about 6 months. My whole family disowned me and my son, I knew they would disown me

lol. she is a grown woman. adults do not need parental consent to marry. the practical part.

for the ideological part, parents have the choice to support their grown child's capacity to love, and to support the child and grandchild extra lovingly if they fear their sexual orientation will make them more vulnerable to societal primitivism and entitlement. OR. they can choose divisive, punitive, belittling actions and behaviors and contribute in no helpful way to the lives of their children and grandchildren.

these parents have chosen. it is not on OP to live inauthentically and restrictedly so as not to provoke their outrage. if they choose to be such, it is on them.

she didn't say she was surprised at their attitude. just that they would go the length to extend it to a child. Again, it is on them to control their discriminative, dehumanizing behavior, not on her. she isn't supposed to deprive herself basic rights so as to not provoke some arse or be subject to punishment.

her decision to live accordingly to her sexual orientation demands the same consideration for others as does any decision you or i make that aren't made in a secluded vacuum in a nepalese mountain cave. NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS. her decision to live in line with her sexual orientation did not make the child vulnerable to neglect, undeserved punishment and judgement. the grandparents' judgemental, punitive and neglectful beliefs and attitudes are what exposed the child to unfair treatment.

the decisions you make in your replies to her on here also require the same consideration of others that you preach to her about.

using liberal as an insult also is seriously best kept between four walls.

I absolutely agree. It's her business 100percent.

Merely was stating that her choice had repurcussions for more parties involved than ONLY herself. No doubt in my mind she loves her family and her little boy and her wife. Does she NEED her boy. Of course. Does she NEED her parents....absolutely. Does she NEED their consent?? Of course not.

That being said, does she NEED to get married and jeopardize all of it? Everyone knows you can't have your cake and eat it to.

*Apologies to TatBunnie for the liberal remark. It was a personal attack and inappropriate. I apologize*

well the reason it was legalized is so that LGBT community would get to have the cake and eat it, just like the rest of us. so yes, she "NEEDS" to get married as much as the next person "needs to".

i may get married and thus expose the child to poverty should i divorce and my husband leaves me with nothing but child support. i may get married to a guy whose parents suck ballz and thus expose my child to unfair treatment. you may get married and she rides of into the sunset with some jerk and she's alsways been that way, how did you not see it coming, you've exposed the child to grow up without a mother. you may be told you have strong genetic predisposition for cancer and if your children get to watch you die are you a bad person who exposed them and your wife to such suffering?

her actions didn't geopardize anyone. the grandparents actions did.

the onus to avoid unfair punishment can't all be on the victim. though it isn't an uncommon claim that it is.

Ummmm. The fact they are her PARENTS? What do you mean?

You can barely handle other people making gifts for your son. I really doubt you are happy to have her parents tell you the marriage is a sham, and they are going to disown her.

Okay. I understand what you're saying. I didn't look at it like that.

I guess I see things like "if I make a decision this will happen".

I'm bad with empathizing sometimes. I don't mean to be.

I guess I was looking at it like that because I knew what would happen if I did certain things in my house and how my parents would react.

There are plenty of people who are disowned for marrying someone the parents don't like/approve of. Could be different religion or culture or simply don't like the spouse.

It's odd they are supportive of your being gay but not of this spouse. It's also odd they would suddenly disown you if they were introduced to your gf. Was your marriage a way of coming out to them?

My family has always been right next to me guiding me rather it be right or wrong it has been all I have known and now without them it makes me question myself and just fill my head with self doubt

You can barely handle other people making gifts for your son. I really doubt you are happy to have her parents tell you the marriage is a sham, and they are going to disown her.

Lol you don't even know the situation. Not to mention you follow the lead of what others said before you even read the post. You still don't know facts. After that you inserted hypotheticals that you "thought" and made your comments that much more ridiculous. I apologize for my earlier comment but honestly have no interest in what you have to say.

I don't listen to people that take bits and pieces and twist it to make it fit their agenda. Sorry man. Have a good day

Lol you don't even know the situation. Not to mention you follow the lead of what others said before you even read the post. You still don't know facts. After that you inserted hypotheticals that you "thought" and made your comments that much more ridiculous. I apologize for my earlier comment but honestly have no interest in what you have to say.

I don't listen to people that take bits and pieces and twist it to make it fit their agenda. Sorry man. Have a good day

She isn't a guy.

Okay. I understand what you're saying. I didn't look at it like that.

I guess I see things like "if I make a decision this will happen".

 

I'm bad with empathizing sometimes. I don't mean to be.

 

I guess I was looking at it like that because I knew what would happen if I did certain things in my house and how my parents would react.

thank you for hearing me out. i expected it to go down much worse.

thank you for hearing me out. i expected it to go down much worse.

?? Of course.

Yes it was

That could have been the problem. The shock value of using a gay marriage as a way of coming out to them. Allow them to digest all this since you decided to both come out to them and announce a new spouse all at once.

Can you see that trying to let them be the last to know may have hurt them? As if you never shared anything about who you really are until you announce the marriage?

A lot of parents feel shocked by an elopement or need to process when a kid comes out to them. They will come around when they have had time to deal with your deception and keeping them so far from your reality and your life. This isn't about gay marriage it's about living a lie.

Yes it was

Yes it was

how come you didn't come out sooner? if you didn't tell them because you know for a fact how they stand on homosexuality and gay marriage, they're not disowning you because they're hurt to have not known. they're disowning you because they're homophobic.

i would expect parents to be shocked to not have known...but not to disown a child over it. the first instinct of someone who accepts their child fully is usually to ask the child what made them frightened and ashamed to the point of veiling such a large part of their identity, what made them lose trust, and what it would take for them to rebulid that trust and feel supported and approved of.

a shocked parent may need time to cool down, but a permanent decision to punish a child and grandchild isn't a knee jerk reaction to having felt excluded. it is an act that speaks clearly of rejection, judgement, neglect, dismissal, refusal and ascribed unworthines of the other party. "you are unacceptable to me and nonexistent to me, as are your kids. who you are is unacceptable. you are dead to me". that's not a shocked, hurt parent feeling left out. that's something else. and it's all over an irrational belief. i am not a mother, but i cannot imagine sending this message to my child or grandchild.

please don't assume you or your child deserved this.

how come you didn't come out sooner? if you didn't tell them because you know for a fact how they stand on homosexuality and gay marriage, they're not disowning you because they're hurt to have not known. they're disowning you because they're homophobic.

 

i would expect parents to be shocked to not have known...but not to disown a child over it. the first instinct of someone who accepts their child fully is usually to ask the child what made them frightened and ashamed to the point of veiling such a large part of their identity, what made them lose trust, and what it would take for them to rebulid that trust and feel supported and approved of.

 

a shocked parent may need time to cool down, but a permanent decision to punish a child and grandchild isn't a knee jerk reaction to having felt excluded. it is an act that speaks clearly of rejection, judgement, neglect, dismissal, refusal and ascribed unworthines of the other party. "you are unacceptable to me and nonexistent to me, as are your kids. who you are is unacceptable. you are dead to me". that's not a shocked, hurt parent feeling left out. that's something else. and it's all over an irrational belief. i am not a mother, but i cannot imagine sending this message to my child or grandchild.

 

please don't assume you or your child deserved this.

Thank you for your message! My family had always told me growing up that there would only be 2 ways they would disown me 1 if I was with a woman and 2 if I was with a black guy. My wife is the very first woman I have ever had a relationship with, I fell head over hills, feelings unlike I had ever had before. I chose true unconditional love which she shows me more and more every day. My family has told me the day I married her was the day they became dead me. And that I have no family now. And has threatened me saying that if I contact them they will call DHR and start a case on me and put me through hell. It hurts and I don't know how to talk about it and I don't know how to deal with the emotions either. I was reaching out hoping that maybe I would find some kind of relief from this. But the discussions today putting me down then putting me up just arguing back-and-forth like whether I'm worthy or not. I don't really need that I argue with myself on a daily basis of myself worth already. I was about to delete this app when I saw your message so again thank you