my bf asked me to call his ''female''Friend for a favor!!

my boyfriend asked me to do him a favor by calling a female ''friend'' !!

Not long ago my boyfriend who is 36 asked me to do him a favor and call a Girl ''Friend'' he described as a friend to give her the address of a lawyer she had an Appoinment with.

He wanted ME to do it because her husband is a jealous and somehow a violent man that has been in jail and most likely he would of hang up the phone if my boyfriend made the call, so instead he asked me to do it) this man has even called my boyfriend a few times at midnight to tell him to not contact his girlfriend anymore and the way my boyfriend was telling me all about it seemed like if he was concerned/angry about the situation and that the man was crazy and so on.

So he asked me to call and I did him the favor but the phone never worked since I called from his mobile not mine, I guess the phone line was busy, I really don't know, so he told me that WE would try calling her later again, cause this was important and she needed the Lawyers Address etc etc, and after that we never called anymore, But I did noticed he was tense and preoccupied about contacting the ''friend'' and letting her know.

Also I remember after we made the first callled and it did not go through, he grabbed his mobile from the car turned his back on me and was sorta of like texting ro checking something (I don't know if he did it because of the sun or because he did not want me to see!!, and that is really suspicious to my knowledge. But I am telling you everything I remember.

I find all of this quite weird to be honest, What do YOU think is going on here, can that possibly be his ex girlfriend , A lover my boyfriend had while the women's boyfriend was in jail. What do you really think about all of this? Why would he ask me to do him this favor. it sounded childish to me!?

I can understand your boyfriend's concern for his friend's well being and I don't necessarily think that concern makes her an ex, but he really needs to stay out of it.

Is this the same guy you think is leading a double life? If so either A. He is shady, B. You have an active imagination, C. You really like to suppose drama.

Why can't he do it, you are not his personal assistant, are you? Tell him you don't want to be in the middle of any drama between him, this friend and her "violent husband". And btw, she can look up the address on the internet.

call a Girl ''Friend'' he described as a friend to give her the address of a lawyer she had an Appoinment with.

Sounds like his friend is in an abusive dangerous situation and he is trying to help with the legal info so she can get out. Makes your guy a pretty good human being. What he is doing to help is also well within boundaries. Offering the number and address to a lawyer is good. He is not galloping to her rescue in person, offering to put her up, etc.

Since he enlisted your help, seems to me like it would be pretty natural for you to talk about it and ask him how she is doing, how he knows her, etc. Pretty normal conversation I would think under the circumstances.

I chose a guy who doesn't have close female friends who he regularly communicates with. It's a different dynamic when a partner puts a lot of emotional energy into a friendship of opposite genders. I'm not comfortable with it.

You have to decide what your boundaries or deal breakers are in this area. If this is a new guy in your life, I wouldn't deal with the scary drama of a crazy jealous man who has my bf in his crosshairs. You might get caught up in the crossfire.

Why can't he do it, you are not his personal assistant, are you? Tell him you don't want to be in the middle of any drama between him, this friend and her "violent husband". And btw, she can look up the address on the internet.

I know right I always found that so weird, can she look it up, why did he have to search everything for her, thats why I feel this dude,seriously If I would have known better I wold have ended this stupid relationship looooong time ago, I guess I was to dumb and naive and fell in the trap. And yes @edmund exeley I have posted about the guy with two phones and apartments, I feel better letting out everything that I have witnessed( Since I was intimidaded of talking to him)) and seen in this relationship, so you and other great people in this forum help me OPEN MY EYES and let me know this man is a piece of ***t ,,that way I can leave this relationship once and for all with looking back and happy life like I deserve to have.

The only female and her well being im concerned with is my wife. Understand?

ZERO reason he should be risking his safety or some kind of confrontation with a man that is obviously jealous and already annoyed your BF is contacting HIS GF....when he is with you.

Also, hiding the phone game is for cheaters. He is hiding something from you. I feel like you may be enabling his behavior. Stop it

Sounds like his friend is in an abusive dangerous situation and he is trying to help with the legal info so she can get out. Makes your guy a pretty good human being. What he is doing to help is also well within boundaries. Offering the number and address to a lawyer is good. He is not galloping to her rescue in person, offering to put her up, etc.

 

Since he enlisted your help, seems to me like it would be pretty natural for you to talk about it and ask him how she is doing, how he knows her, etc. Pretty normal conversation I would think under the circumstances.

This is exactly what I thought...getting out of an abusive situation isn't as simple as googling something. Good for him for helping her. He's not being shady, he's being pretty darn open.

Regardless OP you don't trust him, just end it and let him go. This is way too much insane, imaginative drama.

He wasn't. He was asking the OP to stick her neck out and do the dirty work and the leg work. He was just snapping his fingers saying "do this for me"

Good for him for helping her.

Why does he want YOU to get involved if he thinks the ex's boyfriend is dangerous? First of all, the ex's boyfriend would still be able to tell it's your boyfriend mobile number, secondly, if the ex's boyfriend is dangerous, you are now going to be at threat as well for being a part of the situation.

Personally, I would stay out of it and even if your boyfriend is trying to help, he is poking around where he shouldn't be and the ex's boyfriend catching on at all that your boyfriend is behind this, will still cause far more problems for this woman and problems for you and he.

Its not your boyfriends place and he shouldn't be dragging you into it.

How is it his dirty work? If him communicating with this friend will put her in danger, having someone else pass on useful information seems fine.

Like the phone call would be "Hi friend, I know (or am dating) so and so. I was told to pass on this Lawyers information to you. Hope that helps!"

No need to mention OPs name or anything. Seems pretty darn simple to me.

I don't get why this is such a huge thing that makes him a jerk.

Ok regardless.

If you don't feel comfortable doing it, don't. That's totally fair too. But overall it seems like you don't trust this guy, so why not move on and find someone you're more comfortable around and compatible with?

If this friend is in such a "dangerous situation" why is this coward asking his gf to put herself in harms way? Why doesn't this moron actually help the woman and say "hey, you need to call a domestic violence place not me!!"

How is it his dirty work?

with a controlling partner breathing on her neck, she can't google help getting out of an abusive situation. yes, they freak out when they hear a male voice. it's "dave's girlfriend" might pass more easily than "it's dave again".it's not uncommon for women in these situations to get numbers and advice on getting out through weird channels. some services will not even brand their cards and leaflets with important info with their actual title-- e.g. they'll hand out mock business cards titled "Sue's bakery" or the like so that it doesn't raise suspicion if the jerk goes through her stuff (which they do).

however.

this isn't a one time thing. he has been involved and "saving" her to the extent of having been warned to stop. what more does he want. he either likes the lady too much, or he naively does not understand the type of intervention this situation requires. he's better off filing an anonymous report against him to help the woman back her claims when she leaves or reports him for something. advising her to get in touch with someone who actually specializes in getting women out of this type of situations seems more fitting than playing savior.

also, no matter how bad it gets, these women have suffered enough psychological violence to have difficulty leaving, or staying away. samaritans who get intensely involved in rescuing them are often left feeling resentful or played when they realize she's gone back, she refuses to file a report, when the police are called she defends him etc. the fact that she is enterntaining the idea and asking about options doesn't mean she's ready to leave.

i think he needs to understand a thing or two about abusive dynamics before he assumes he is saving her.

you have a lot of distrust for this guy, and many unanswered questions about his life. you need to ask him to provide you with answers, and if he can't or won't, or you can't take his answers as enough clarification, you may want to reconsider this relationship.

how come you don't know who this friend is? a coworker, a school friend, girl he grew up next door to,...?

I know right I always found that so weird, can she look it up, why did he have to search everything for her, thats why I feel this dude,seriously If I would have known better I wold have ended this stupid relationship looooong time ago, I guess I was to dumb and naive and fell in the trap. And yes @edmund exeley I have posted about the guy with two phones and apartments, I feel better letting out everything that I have witnessed( Since I was intimidaded of talking to him)) and seen in this relationship, so you and other great people in this forum help me OPEN MY EYES and let me know this man is a piece of ***t ,,that way I can leave this relationship once and for all with looking back and happy life like I deserve to have.

If that is the case, then why are you discussing this? Why don't you end it with him so all of this would be irrelevant?

Why does he want YOU to get involved if he thinks the ex's boyfriend is dangerous? First of all, the ex's boyfriend would still be able to tell it's your boyfriend mobile number, secondly, if the ex's boyfriend is dangerous, you are now going to be at threat as well for being a part of the situation.

Personally, I would stay out of it and even if your boyfriend is trying to help, he is poking around where he shouldn't be and the ex's boyfriend catching on at all that your boyfriend is behind this, will still cause far more problems for this woman and problems for you and he.

Its not your boyfriends place and he shouldn't be dragging you into it.

Exactly that's another thing! how in the world are you are calling from your mobile, that the violent spouse is going to know,I never understood that either!

Step out of this drama. If he wants to be a knight in shining armor let him slay his own dragons for her.

Step out of this drama. If he wants to be a knight in shining armor let him slay his own dragons for her.

Let me ask you can this be considered a ''toxic relationship'', ?? or a toxic relationship is different?

Which one? Yours and his? His and her "friendship"? Or her and her "violent husband"? Probably all of them.

Let me ask you can this be considered a ''toxic relationship'', ?? or a toxic relationship is different?

my boyfriend asked me to do him a favor by calling a female ''friend'' !!

 

Not long ago my boyfriend who is 36 asked me to do him a favor and call a Girl ''Friend'' he described as a friend to give her the address of a lawyer she had an Appoinment with.

 

He wanted ME to do it because her husband is a jealous and somehow a violent man that has been in jail and most likely he would of hang up the phone if my boyfriend made the call, so instead he asked me to do it) this man has even called my boyfriend a few times at midnight to tell him to not contact his girlfriend anymore and the way my boyfriend was telling me all about it seemed like if he was concerned/angry about the situation and that the man was crazy and so on.

 

So he asked me to call and I did him the favor but the phone never worked since I called from his mobile not mine, I guess the phone line was busy, I really don't know, so he told me that WE would try calling her later again, cause this was important and she needed the Lawyers Address etc etc, and after that we never called anymore, But I did noticed he was tense and preoccupied about contacting the ''friend'' and letting her know.

 

Also I remember after we made the first callled and it did not go through, he grabbed his mobile from the car turned his back on me and was sorta of like texting ro checking something (I don't know if he did it because of the sun or because he did not want me to see!!, and that is really suspicious to my knowledge. But I am telling you everything I remember.

 

I find all of this quite weird to be honest, What do YOU think is going on here, can that possibly be his ex girlfriend , A lover my boyfriend had while the women's boyfriend was in jail. What do you really think about all of this? Why would he ask me to do him this favor. it sounded childish to me!?

All I can say is, I'm glad my male friends had understanding girlfriends when I was with a violent man. If you've never been in an abusive relationship, you won't understand the tricks you need to learn to keep yourself safe, and leave safely. You're not in anyway concerned about this woman in any case.

You seem to find it hard to leave this man (so imagine how hard it is to leave a violent one..) but yeah, if this stems from other situations that have left you paranoid I would leave.

Which one? Yours and his? His and her "friendship"? Or her and her "violent husband"? Probably all of them.

My relationship!

what does it matter? you have doubts, you're not okay with how it is. would calling it toxic somehow legitimize ending it? why doesn't dissatisfaction and distrust legitimize ending it?

My question would be.... Why can't she get the address for the lawyer on her own?

My question would be.... Why can't she get the address for the lawyer on her own?

All I know Is that I'm leaving this relationship for good, I deserve WAY BETTER!, im tired of living a lie for such a long time, stupid me,, and yeah I never understood this situation, to me that women honestly was some chick he had while the violent husband was in jail and they were f******g and of course her husband was pissed and call my''bf'' he's a douche bag!,The reason this violent man broked her computer and smashed it on the floor was because this''woman'' was chatting on facebook,HUMM!!! I don't think she is SAINT!! just saying!