My boyfriend is inexplicably distant

I started dating what seemed to be a wonderful, mature man about an hour and a half south of where I'm attending school. He happened to be up at a party around my college when we met. He attends a pretty strict military school and plays football for them. In the beginning, this guy was a dream. He was reassuring, funny, kind. He texted me constantly, made plans well in advance. Spent loads of time with me and introduced me to his family while they visited and they ended up loving me! (Hated his exs). He pulled the trigger quick and asked me to be official. We have been dating about 4 weeks now. Over the past weekend I spent time with him as usual but noticed things seemed tense. I communicated this and he apologized and we got past it. The weekend was spent with his friends a majority of the time, drinking and attending parties. I returned back to my campus feeling happy and normal only to find he is retreating. These last few days he's been nothing like himself. He will not text me for hours on end and when I asked if everything is okay he said yes. He told me he simply couldn't hang out Friday without any suggestion for another day. I asked if he wanted some space to study for finals week and he said "I don't want space I'm fine". He's been very different . He hasn't tried to make plans for the future at all despite that we are both returning home for a long while. I asked why he's distant and he said he isn't. There is no emotion in his texts to me and he blows off every time we are planning to video chat or talk on the phone. How do I go about fixing this? I really like this guy and I told him to please call me tomorrow since I am hurt by the way he's been pushing me away. What do I say on the call?

Don't try to fix it. Go about your life.

Sounds like he's losing interest, or has already lost it. Do you always insist he calls you instead of calling him?

Sounds like a college kid acting like a college kid and also realizing that maybe this relationship isnt for him. You also sound a little needy and clingy.

I think it's because things just went way too fast. Have you slept with him? Im assuming you have .... I would just stop insisting he call or text you and try to just get busier. It's hard, I know..,but men fall in love in your absence as well as your presence. JMO

He pulled the trigger quick and asked me to be official. We have been dating about 4 weeks now.

Op, you know what the problem is. He never was a true bf. Either he did what he needed to do to get you into bed (if this is happening), or he has no idea of what a relationship is really about (immature way of dating). You will have to supply more details. You can't fix anything, until you first know what his true motives are.

After 4 wks of dating long distance you don't know what "been nothing like himself" is yet, because you haven't had time to get to know him.

Unfortunately this is just dating and you are seeing it as a full blown long term relationship that requires relationship talks etc. He keeps telling you he's fine, doesn't need space etc with your frequent "relationship management" talks, that are quite premature.

Relax, breathe, stop texting so much, stop being clingy and panicking, stop telling him he must call you because you are so hurt, stop asking "what's wrong?", "are we ok?", "why are you distant?", etc.

You don't "go about fixing" 4 wks of just dating. You relax and get off his back. It sounds like you slept with him pretty early on, thought you were almost engaged and are freaking out that it's really only 4 wks of college dating.

He happened to be up at a party around my college when we met. He attends a pretty strict military school.We have been dating about 4 weeks now.

 

He will not text me for hours on end. He told me he simply couldn't hang out Friday. He hasn't tried to make plans for the future at all despite that we are both returning home for a long while.How do I go about fixing this? I really like this guy and I told him to please call me tomorrow since I am hurt by the way he's been pushing me away.

Ok thank you I find this very helpful. Since I have already sent him a message telling him to call me today, last night . He read it this morning and did not reply. Should I send another text saying never mind and I'm overreacting ? Or leave it be? He told me he envisions a life with me and that I'm his world. He said this to woo me but I guess I really believed it. Thank you for helping

Ok thank you I find this very helpful. Since I have already sent him a message telling him to call me today, last night . He read it this morning and did not reply. Should I send another text saying never mind and I'm overreacting ? Or leave it be? He told me he envisions a life with me and that I'm his world. He said this to woo me but I guess I really believed it. Thank you for helping

Do nothing. All the things he is doing is signs that its pretty much over

convos no emotion

cancels

spends time with friends a lot

no plans for the future

ignores you

very distant

and its only been 4 weeks. I would go separate ways if I was in your position.

But we do have plans. He still calls me baby, baby girl, etc. I have all his xmas presents to give him and he has mine. How do I just walk away when we haven't even talked?

Eff all that. Don't even try and play his stupid games. Ignore him and go about your business.

If out of nowhere he contacts you acting all sweet or wanting to hang out...it's a booty call. Resist at all cost or risk being back in the same situation

Also when I said I missed him yesterday he said "I miss you too!" But he's just not being the same so I'm not sure if what y'all are saying is true. Wouldn't he just end it if it were over?

Have you ever heard of "ghosting"?

It's when people disappear from your life (with no explanation) when they don't wish to date you anymore.

From everything you have written, it appears THIS is exactly what's happening. He has ghosted you, so assume it's over, and move on.

Have you ever heard of "love bombing"?

It's an attempt to "pull you in" or influence you by lavishing you with tons of attention and affection when you first meet, and for the first few weeks/months you're dating.

Above and beyond what is typical in the early stages of dating.

From what you have written, he did this too.

When men love bomb, they're living in fantasy not reality.

When reality hits, they typically disappear or "ghost."

I am really sorry, but I really do believe this is what's happening.

He is ignoring you, not responding to texts or calls, etc. = ghosting you.

Again, just assume it's over and move on.

some people cant just end it, they just distance themselves until another argument comes up or until finally someone puts it to an end.

You shouldn't be begging for his attention especially in honeymoon stages . I feel like he probably does enjoy your time but on his priority list, you might not be up there.

Stop blowing up his phone for reassurances. You are getting desperate and clingy and he can sense this. Just stop. He may be busy but it seems you are doing everything you can to suffocate him and push him away. Stop.

He knows your number, right? What's the panicking all about? You slept with him too soon and think this is a huge relationship? He's got it right that you are just some girl he's dated for a while, so stop chasing him this hard.

I have already sent him a message telling him to call me today, last night . He read it this morning and did not reply. Should I send another text saying never mind and I'm overreacting

He texted me today apologizing for his distance. He said "I'm sorry I've been so busy with tests and homework and practice I haven't paid you enough attention. I will call tonight." What do you think this means?

He texted me today apologizing for his distance. He said "I'm sorry I've been so busy with tests and homework and practice I haven't paid you enough attention. I will call tonight." What do you think this means?

Well it means he's not ghosting on you like I thought.

And I think it's good he noticed he was distant and apologized.

Maybe things just moved too quickly and he needed some space.... which I actually think is fine.

My current bf doesn't do this, but when we first started dating (first few months), my ex used to disappear for a couple of days (not more than two) sometimes after a long weekend, especially if there was a lot of sex and closeness.

I always left him alone and he would return .... everything back to normal.

He texted me today apologizing for his distance. He said "I'm sorry I've been so busy with tests and homework and practice I haven't paid you enough attention. I will call tonight." What do you think this means?

I think his comment "I haven't paid you enough attention" is telling.

He shouldn't be thinking you need tons of attention. Feeling like a woman needs lots of attention can get exhausting for some guys.

If it were me, I would reassure him that I don't need tons of attention (which personally I don't), and that whenever he feels he needs some space or time away, to just let me know.

Just next time you see each other, tell him this. Don't make it a big deal.

It means "yeah, I got all of your texts and I'll call". Stop contacting him now and wait for his call.

He said "I'm sorry I've been so busy with tests and homework and practice I haven't paid you enough attention. I will call tonight."

But we do have plans. He still calls me baby, baby girl, etc. I have all his xmas presents to give him and he has mine. How do I just walk away when we haven't even talked?

You do realize that some men will use nicknames for their women, so that they don't call them by the wrong name. But, you know your man, right? What do your close friends have to say about all of this? Have any of them met him, considering all of this has taken place in only 4 weeks?

Wanna say thank you very much to everyone for the advice and guidance. I'm bad at this whole relationship thing and without this thread I probably would've drove him away so thank you

Pull back. I would say match every 4th message from him with one. I mean for now... If he makes an attempt to call or text you 4 times.. Answer once.

I know it's 'gamey' but right now you need to set the 'pace'....