The Road

I read the books and the forums and they tell me to move on and live your life. How can I when you were my life. I view you as my soulmate and you view me as "repulsive". I walk around with a weight on my chest and spirit that blocks out any other thought. It's the only thing I feel, this grief is crushing me and there is no escape. I wrote my suicide notes, said goodbye to my dogs, filled the tub with warm water and got in. when it came time to open my veins I chickened out. Death would be the easy way out, it would not have me. This is my 2nd divorce and I know the road I must travel, I just can't do it again. I know the pain of it, the thirst for companionship, the unforgiving pavement the emptiness and coldness of this road . How do I tell my family I failed again, how do I find someone else to love. How do I love myself again. This time I have no friends to lean on, no father to speak with. I hate this road, this place of darkness and dispair

If you really are that depressed you need some serious therapy and now, not later. If you are suicidal please call the suicide hotline in your area.

Not sducidal

Cheer up, dude. I just lost my wife too. I loved her more than anything in this world and would do anything for her. But at the end of the day, she's an autonomous human being with the ability to make decisions. She decided to leave because she wasn't happy. Listen man, you can't control women or predict what they are going to do. What you're doing here is putting your wife on a pedestal because she rejected you. And now because you feel rejected, you feel completely weak. You can't give a woman control over your self-worth or happiness, man. You're strong enough to get through this again and you know it.

You should see a counselor and talk to them about your feelings.

Also, you can make friends. Plenty of people going through the exact same thing in your area. Meet up with them. Go to church if you're religious. Go get involved in a political campaign if you like politics. Go volunteer for a cause you like. I mean, meeting friends is easy if you put a little effort there and you should probably do that. Being around other people might be healthy and get your mind off of what you're going through.

Cheer up, dude. I just lost my wife too. I loved her more than anything in this world and would do anything for her. But at the end of the day, she's an autonomous human being with the ability to make decisions. She decided to leave because she wasn't happy. Listen man, you can't control women or predict what they are going to do. What you're doing here is putting your wife on a pedestal because she rejected you. And now because you feel rejected, you feel completely weak. You can't give a woman control over your self-worth or happiness, man. You're strong enough to get through this again and you know it.

 

You should see a counselor and talk to them about your feelings.

 

Also, you can make friends. Plenty of people going through the exact same thing in your area. Meet up with them. Go to church if you're religious. Go get involved in a political campaign if you like politics. Go volunteer for a cause you like. I mean, meeting friends is easy if you put a little effort there and you should probably do that. Being around other people might be healthy and get your mind off of what you're going through.

100% with this great advice.

Heading to therapy. Going lay bare my soul

I have been doing a bit better, I was able to watch a football game, look at my fantasy football stats and grab a pizza. These were all humongous tasks for me, I'm going to try and stay busy tonight. I was actually able to get some work done in the office, again took a very big effort. I'm starting to accept the death of my relationship I also ripped up my suicide notes last night... not going down like that.

Today is a hard day, the feeling of neediness is griping my soul. I'm can't find air to fill my lungs. The pain is unbearable. Not sure how to move forward today. Not sure how to live today.

Did you ever get/read Gary Smalley's "If only he knew"?

Today is a hard day, the feeling of neediness is griping my soul. I'm can't find air to fill my lungs. The pain is unbearable. Not sure how to move forward today. Not sure how to live today.

I know what you mean. I have lots of days like that. Certain triggers would fire off an anxiety attack at any given moment. It didn't matter if it was at work, in the car or at home. It would take hours to calm down after one.

Now that I had some time and distance from her things have gotten better.

I think you're doing all the right things, but you just have to move through days like this. It will get better.

The Smalley book is a great suggestion! I read it as well.

My husband and I were separated for six months per his wishes. He had been distant and I would ask what was wrong. He blew hot/cold and said nothing is wrong. Long story short I began to feel desperation. I became a chaser and he avoided me. I felt the diconnection. It affected me greatly. I felt my gut screaming at me that something was terribly wrong. He filed for divorce. For six months I felt like dying. He was partying it up, buying new clothes and enjoying bars. I would'nt commit suicide because I couldn't do that to family and friends. He came back unexpectedly. But-he was worst. He even admitted to having checked out a year and a half ago. He withdrew the divorce. Now he wants it again. I've given this man over two decades. I feel lost. I love him. I don't think he loves me (obviously). I think he is going through a bad mid-life crisis. He has been gone a week. I don't think I'll ever stop loving him. I feel so weak right now

how are you feeling op?

Stay strong. Try to focus on yourself and doing positive things for you that will help you decide whether or not this relationship is something you want to continue in. Find support from friends and family maybe even therapy. Take time to see and believe that you are indeed worthy of love kindness happiness and mutual respect.

ut03n9: Its been a while. Are things going ok?