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Is it weird to tell my ex I'm thinking of her?


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We are not in NC. She is with someone else. I am dating too... I wouldn't be telling her to get something from her. I mean, we love each other. We both have said this even though we have gone our separate ways and really weren't compatible... But I want her to know that she isn't out of my mind...

 

Not sure why I feel the impulse to do that...

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Yeah, I think that makes sense. I think I have a lot of mixed emotions about it because I love her but she was just so checked out of our very short relationship. I wanted more and she had no room in her life for me. We tried off and on to figure out something that would work for us but ultimately, I just knew that I didn't want that to be my life... Being squeezed in when she had time... But it made her really sad. And even though she is with this new person, I know she is still sad. We still miss each other. So it's a weird space... I definitely don't want to screw with her new relationship because I think it's a great match for her. I just also don't want her to think I don't care.

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Wiseman, you are always wise... I agree with you...I think it's a byproduct of getting involved before you are healed from your last relationship... Because our relationship was short and we had these wonderful moments together but very little quality time, we have never truly disconnected because we didn't think we needed to. It would seems that I really need to stay single for at least 6 months after any relationship because inevitably, I get a flood of feelings after a few months have passed and I start to miss the person!

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Think about what would happen if the shoe was on the other foot. If an ex who was not a match for you and was not available to you called and said, "Just want you to know I am thinking of you?" what would that do to your emotional state. Not "i saw your keys and it reminded me to give them back to you, but just "thinking of you". Would it be a breadcrumb for you to not move on, thinking there is a chance with them? Would it upset you (if I am on their mind, why aren't they with me?) or throw your day off ? That's what I would think about before you were tempted.

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Yes! And that makes sense! I don't want to hurt her. To be honest, I love her! I do miss her but I still think we aren't compatible which is a bummer... But I have stayed away. I haven't contacted her. She has contacted me which is how we have struck up conversation and as you read in my last post, she said she misses me and loves me and thinks of me every day and then she posted on FB that she is in a relationship with her new person which I found odd but okay... I do get what you are saying though. I suppose the kind thing would be to just stay back and let her move on but I guess on the other hand, I miss her too... Perhaps my feelings are coming up because I know she is with someone else and that in itself can stir things up...

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Yes! And that makes sense! I don't want to hurt her. To be honest, I love her! I do miss her but I still think we aren't compatible which is a bummer... But I have stayed away. I haven't contacted her. She has contacted me which is how we have struck up conversation and as you read in my last post, she said she misses me and loves me and thinks of me every day and then she posted on FB that she is in a relationship with her new person which I found odd but okay... I do get what you are saying though. I suppose the kind thing would be to just stay back and let her move on but I guess on the other hand, I miss her too... Perhaps my feelings are coming up because I know she is with someone else and that in itself can stir things up...

 

Something that was unfair to say doesn't mean you need to reciprocate it. That whole two wrongs don't make a right thing. I think that this is the time where you need to set good boundaries for yourself and to not put yourself in a position where you can receive breadcrumbs. Staying "friends" just means you are not enemies - you can pass eachother in the line at the coffee shop and be civil towards eachother as acquaintances do, but it doesn't mean you are besties or should invest in or nurture a friendship.

 

I suppose the kind thing would be to just stay back and let her move on but

 

Reread this - let HER move on - no, its not about her, its about YOU moving on and your well being. If that means you should unfollow her on social media and unplug for your own self, that is what it is. Watching the relationship statuses of exes change from in a relationship, to its complicated to in a relationship again does us no favors. If you got into this relationship too hastily after your last, it won't help your next one by spending more time watching her relationship unfold and missing her.

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