Jump to content

Why has she kept me on Facebook/Instagram? Will she reach out?


johnnystern

Recommended Posts

Several months ago, I was dating this girl. I really started falling for her. I've dated plenty of girls and felt no real connection with many of them. She was different and there is something intangible about her. (Which is why I hate when people say "move on move on move on." Thankfully, I feel I'm on a forum where I won't hear much of that because I think a lot of people here are like-minded people.)

 

Over the course of months, me and her became close with eachother. She acknowledged our closeness on a couple different occasions. (So I know at the time, the feeling was mutual.) We were never official. Our relationship with eachother went in tailspin and she essentially friendzoned and blew me off. I know of her past boyfriends and know that they were real alpha-type guys and looking back, I see I was just being too weak, needy, and not masculine enough. (Of course, she never said any of this to me.) It's not me wanting to change who I am to appease her, I just realize now that I acted too weak and not masculine enough. Which I've since learned is a recipe for failure when dating (most) women. There's a reason she likes masculine, confident, alpha guys. So she blew me off basically. I was acting too weak, jealous, and needy at that particular time (I believe so.) I wasn't acting like a guy who was in-demand with other women. I let my neediness and scarcity mindset hone in on her and she knew it. She knew she had me wrapped around her finger. I believe the last straw was when I got jealous through text when I found out she invited somebody else to be her date for her sister's wedding. She has a lot of guys in her life, therefore she has a lot of choices with men. (Nothing wrong with that.) Looking back, me acting weak like that could've done NO good for me. And it didn't. I acted weak etc. and then my anxiety-stricken behavior at that moment caused me to be forceful with her because I wanted to get together with her and talk about it. But I said it in a demanding, forceful way. And she said "Yes we're close but don't say ______, that will just push me away more if anything."

 

I've since found dating/relationship ... work on Youtube and binge-watched countless videos of his. I realized how weak I looked. On top of being a weak, needy, beta-male, he mentions how women will leave you if they feel like they're losing their freedom, which I definitely think she was feeling. In all likeliness, after she pushed me aside, she was probably hanging out with other guys who weren't acting like a needy beta-male like I was. I knew she was turned off by me and there was very little for me to do other than to just walk away and if she comes back, then great.

 

It's been 4-5 months now of no contact between us. I know she's been doing her thing in the meantime. She still follows me on Facebook/Instagram. I know when things ended stale with guys in her past, she would delete them from her life (including social media.) So why has she kept me? Was it so she wouldn't feel like the badguy? She already did the dirty work months ago so if she's afraid of hurting my feelings, Im pretty sure it's too late for that. Or does she not want to delete me because she knows she might revist things in the future? Or does she not care/wants to act like she doesnt care? She actively uses social media and I know that she doesn't follow a ton of people on Instagram so the fact that she's kept me on there makes me wonder if she's open to the possibility of reconciling at some point.

 

Her birthday was in September and it was a tough decision for me to reach out to her and say happy birthday as a way to reopen the lines of communication, or to let her be (because she's ultimately the one who walked away from me.) I decided to save my dignity and not reach out on her birthday. Now, my birthday is in a couple of weeks and I'm wondering if she's going to send me a happy birthday text or say happy birthday to me on Facebook. She can be stubborn so I'm wondering if she has wanted to reach out to me, but never had it in her to do so. Obviously, my birthday would be a perfect excuse for her to reach out to me. I want to see her again so bad (and obviously modify my behavior this time) and I know it's risky, but I'm really hoping to hear from her on my birthday. Obviously the risk is high considering we haven't talked in months, I didn't reach out to her on her birthday, etc. I'm just hoping this no-contact I've been applying will cause her to see a strong, non-needy side of myself. I know I should carry on with my life in the mean-time and if she comes back, then great. But I can't stop these flood of thoughts I have of her everyday. And deep down I refuse to give up hope. I know I'm playing with fire but it's something I'm choosing to do head-on.

 

In closing, what are your gut-feelings on why she kept me on social media and is there a chance she'll reach out on my birthday?

Link to comment

As a woman, I think her keeping you around on social media is actually indicative of a lack of feelings for you. When we're not all that into a guy, we're not that bothered by his updates/photos/online activity. When we've been hurt by an ex and there are lingering feelings, we're more likely to delete/block him because it's too painful to see what he's been up to without us. My sense is that she feels pretty indifferent to you, so she has no real reason to remove you.

 

She might wish you a happy birthday, but not for the reasons you're hoping.

Link to comment

I see I was just being too weak, needy, and not masculine enough.

 

Her birthday was in September and it was a tough decision for me to reach out to her and say happy birthday as a way to reopen the lines of communication, or to let her be (because she's ultimately the one who walked away from me.) I decided to save my dignity and not reach out on her birthday.

 

Obviously the risk is high considering we haven't talked in months, I didn't reach out to her on her birthday, etc.

 

I'm just hoping this no-contact I've been applying will cause her to see a strong, non-needy side of myself.

 

deep down I refuse to give up hope. I know I'm playing with fire but it's something I'm choosing to do head-on.

 

 

Here lies your problem, OP. You're still "weak," so to speak. No contact shouldn't be implemented with the hopes that it will rekindle some sort of attraction between you and your ex or that it will bring your ex back into your life. Rather, NC is a way for you to move on, to figure out where things went wrong, to change your mentality, to better yourself, to heal, etc. By "move on," I mean that you need to move on from the old relationship, you need to move on from your "old self." The old relationship didn't work, and there are likely various reasons for this. Thus, you need to move on from who you were if there will be any hopes of reconciliation. From your post, it is quite apparent that you haven't done so.

 

Someone who has moved on wouldn't be concerned about whether their ex will reach out to them, regardless of whether they are the "dumpee" or "dumper" (which are bullsh*t artificial nametags). Rather, someone who has moved on and wants to re-establish a connection with their ex will swallow their pride/dignity and reach out to their ex. Unless there is bad blood between you and your ex (e.g., cheating, abuse, etc.), swallow your pride and reach out to her once you've "moved on," as I described above (better'd yourself, changed your mentality, moved on from the old you/relationship). The worst thing that can happen is that she rejects you. On the other hand, the best thing that can happen is that you reconcile with her. Don't go in guns blazing, but you have to start somewhere. You cant build a house without a solid foundation (well, you can, but it will likely be destroyed during the first "storm"). Likewise, you cant ever hope to successfully reconcile without laying proper foundation.

 

People who tell you to delete her, to move onto someone else, to forget about your ex, to wait until the "dumper" contacts you are full of sh*t. These are the people with a chip on their shoulder, who quit when things become difficult, and who are the problem when it comes to modern society. Unfortunately, we live in a throw-away society where it is easier to replace than to repair. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. You can do anything that you put your mind to; reconciling with an ex is just a huge, and uncertain, mountain to climb. Like I said before, unless there is bad blood, there is ALWAYS a chance of reconciliation, especially in situations where the boyfriend/girlfriend were actually in love. By this, I mean that there was an actual and real connection between them (puppy love doesn't count).

 

With all of that said, you can never make someone fall in love with you. But, you can do things that increase your chances of it happening. The law of attraction is real and works magic. Obviously space and time are CRITICAL to reconciliation. People always tend to remember the good and forget the bad (unless it was reallllyyy bad), especially after a sufficient amount of time has passed. Have you ever known someone who had a huge falling-out with a friend, only to become (best)friends later on? Have you ever known a couple who broke up under bad terms only to later reconcile? There are many reasons for this, but there are three main reasons: (1) they gave each other time and space (the bigger the bomb, the more time that is necessary); (2) they changed who they were during that time; and (3) someone (whether the "at-fault" party or the "victim) swallowed their pride and reached out to the other person.

 

Be someone you love, be someone who is happy and can make other people happy, be someone who can make other people laugh, be someone with confidence -- things will start to fall into place once you've become this kind of person. If you come on too hard/fast or seem desperate, you'll put yourself in a position that you don't want to be in.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...