redsox22 Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 We broke up 5 weeks ago. Things were going downhill with us and he made the decision to end the relationship. I was hurt but thought it was probably for the best. I went no contact. We saw each other over the weekend at an event we both knew the other would be at. I worked hard at being ok with knowing I would most likely see him and to not let it affect me too much. I surrounded myself with friends and focused on the reason I was at the event. I was feeling a bit anxious seeing him but I was ok. He on the other hand seemed to be not handing it well. He seemed sad and upset. The next day in the morning he called me. I didn't answer. No message. He called again in the evening and left a message saying he just wanted to talk and he was trying to find his peace with the break up. He called one more time that night and again in the morning. Same message. We dated 2 years. It was a roller coaster and he had a hard time cleaning up his part in conflict. He blamed everything on me at the end, deleted me from all social media and told me it was over. I walked away. I was hurt, sad and upset. It's taken me a lot of work to be ok now. I'm not there 100% yet. I don't want a relationship with him anymore. I love him still but I didn't work and it was too painful. He's hurting now. It's clear. What do I do? Do I talk to him? Is that the kind thing to do? I know it will still me up abc upset me again, but it may help bring me closure too. I just don't know. Link to comment
ShatteredMan Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 No Contact. He will live through this. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 the ex whose ex kept moving closer and closer while you were shoved to the bottom of his list for every excuse under the sun? you owe him kindness and closure? he can't use you to get over you. he chose to break-up, he chose the consequences. he's wanting to suck you in for more drama. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 the ex whose ex kept moving closer and closer while you were shoved to the bottom of his list for every excuse under the sun? you owe him kindness and closure? he can't use you to get over you. he chose to break-up, he chose the consequences. he's wanting to suck you in for more drama. She'll hang around. Then she'll ask what to do about his having a new GF. OP you want closure? Accept that its over and break contact with him for good. Link to comment
redsox22 Posted December 5, 2016 Author Share Posted December 5, 2016 She'll hang around. Then she'll ask what to do about his having a new GF. OP you want closure? Accept that its over and break contact with him for good. ------// I haven't hung around. I went No Contact and never broke it for 5 weeks. I have not answered any of his calls. I have accepted that it's over. I'm finding my peace. I'm not asking for anything. Link to comment
redsox22 Posted December 5, 2016 Author Share Posted December 5, 2016 the ex whose ex kept moving closer and closer while you were shoved to the bottom of his list for every excuse under the sun? you owe him kindness and closure? he can't use you to get over you. he chose to break-up, he chose the consequences. he's wanting to suck you in for more drama. Yes- same person. Yes- I agree- he chose the break up and he chose the consequences. Thank you for the clarity! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 As the dumper he gets to talk to himself about his guilt and pain, not bother the dumpee with that. No response required. In fact block him after this stunt. Hopefully he was not looking for sex with the ex and the "been missing you, we should have coffee" bs.He called again in the evening and left a message saying he just wanted to talk and he was trying to find his peace with the break up. Link to comment
redsox22 Posted December 5, 2016 Author Share Posted December 5, 2016 As the dumper he gets to talk to himself about his guilt and pain, not bother the dumpee with that. No response required. In fact block him after this stunt. Hopefully he was not looking for sex with the ex and the "been missing you, we should have coffee" bs. Thanks for the perspective. I agree. He left me to deal on my own. And I'm supposed to help him now?? No- he is not looking for sex. He is really having a rough time. Part of me feels compassion and empathy, the other part of me says- you brought this on yourself. I don't think he expected me to go NC. I think he thought I'd stick around. He was wrong. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 Yep, adios. He no longer gets gf benefits of any sort, including support or empathy. Good you didn't fall for the sad puppy dog routine. 22;6703646]the other part of me says- you brought this on yourself. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 I don't think he expected me to go NC. I think he thought I'd stick around. He was wrong. that's it exactly, he was counting on the predictability of the dynamisc you two had. keep surprising him. you're doing well, trust that you've seen, experienced and done enough. even if you had done squat, you'd have full right to not care how he is coping with his own choices. lol, i've scorned this jerk for two years now. it's good to see you free. Link to comment
redsox22 Posted December 6, 2016 Author Share Posted December 6, 2016 Thanks RainyCoast- He is surprised. He didn't think I'd let go. He is at a complete loss on how this played out. Maybe it's the narcissistic viewpoint. How could I actually go away?? That's what I imagine he is thinking and now he is terribly hurt. He cannot see his part at all. That's the sad part really. I feel badly for him because I don't think he will ever change. Link to comment
No1 Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 The X wants to talk to get his closure? Let him grow up and figure it out on his own. You are on your own path. Link to comment
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