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Thread: Should I bail my ex-boyfriend for physically hurting me, or just move on?

  1. #1

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    Should I bail my ex-boyfriend for physically hurting me, or just move on?

    My relationship with my boyfriend wasn’t good from the start. It was emotionally abusive at first, and sooner it lead to punching me at one point and left large bruises on my arm, face and popped my lips (this was a year ago). I asked helped from his mom and she told me to break up with him for a moment to let things cool down, but I was stupid and so blind, I did not listen to her.

    Last night we went drinking with one of his friends. We woke up this morning and while hangover, he started a conversation about my personal issues. I’m very depressed lately, and things weren’t going so good in my life. He started taunting me, then making fun of my depression, then started telling me things like I should kill myself because I’m just a burden for my family, his life and my friends. I told him to be quiet but he would never stop. This went on for full fifteen minutes. I got tired, so I just put my earphones on so I won’t hear him anymore.

    I was laying on the bed. He then kicked me on my thigh. I told him what the hell was wrong with him, and he took his desk chair and threatened to throw it to me. This made me so mad I shouted and slapped him on the face. He punched me on my left hip, then stomach. I shouted at the door so his mother could hear me. “Your son is physically hurting me!” I opened the door and let his mother in, I told her what he did to me and she helped me get out of the room. She told me I should bail him and advised me that I should take a break from seeing him, which I would gladly now do so.

    My hip now is very painful and bruised. I told myself the next time he hit me, I would break up with him. Now I did. Should I bail him or just move on?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    what do you mean bail him?

    in any case, stay the heck away from this one for good.

  3. #3
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    I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's really not your fault. You will do what your heart tells you but just remember one day u might get pregnant and he'll punch u again in your stomach and kill your baby. Violence never ever gets better. You cannot teach a man to have common sense. They either have it or they don't. From my experience violent people have one thing in common and that immaturity.
    His mother can bail out her own son. She raised him, she taught him right from wrong and now she can bail him out. Don't let her make you feel guilty or responsible for him. You are not.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    sorry to parrot, do you mean you are considering paying his bail?

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  6. #5

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    I'm sorry, what I meant is to report him to the police. (English is not my native language, I'm sorry)

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    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    Is it possible to report him to the police without taking things further .... just so they have it on record .... in the event he should do something like this again to someone else.

    Other than that, I think you just need to cut him TOTALLY out of your life NOW. You will only be prolonging things for yourself and you could end up making things much worse. You need to concentrate on your own mental well-being right now because I am sure being with him is helping you. Let your revenge be the fact that you are able to walk away with your head held high and without the need for any more contact with him .... ever. Let him stew over what he has done. He is a horrible person with many issues. Walk away now and don't look back.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    i see.

    i would usually recommend anyone to report physical violence to the police.

    but if you have the slightest intention of staying in touch with him, your report might be close to useless. the police are well acquainted with symbiotic relationships ridden with mutual abuse, where one continually hits and the other keeps going back, defending (or bailing out) their absuer, making excuses for them and repeatedly choosing the same dynamic. his mother is minimizing his behavior already ("just let him cool off for a bit") and would likely minimize his physical violence again ("things got heated, they'll probably cool off"). also the fact that you both got hammered the night before and continued hitting one another could lead them to think you're in a hokey pokey dynamic when you split and come back together for more of the same.

    then, if he hits you again (which he will if you don't leave), your report may not be taken seriously. the police take longer and longer to arrive in these cases and the best they're likely to do is suggest you take counseling or if you can't afford it, see a social worker who uses a systemic family approach and can counsel you to live well enough independently to not go back to him.

    in summary, i would report him, but i'd make it a counscious choice that i am forever done with abusive situations, and i would milk all the professional support available i can get to not go back to live the same life with him or someone else.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by 01101101
    My relationship with my boyfriend wasn’t good from the start. It was emotionally abusive at first, and sooner it lead to punching me at one point and left large bruises on my arm, face and popped my lips (this was a year ago). I asked helped from his mom and she told me to break up with him for a moment to let things cool down, but I was stupid and so blind, I did not listen to her.

    Last night we went drinking with one of his friends. We woke up this morning and while hangover, he started a conversation about my personal issues. I’m very depressed lately, and things weren’t going so good in my life. He started taunting me, then making fun of my depression, then started telling me things like I should kill myself because I’m just a burden for my family, his life and my friends. I told him to be quiet but he would never stop. This went on for full fifteen minutes. I got tired, so I just put my earphones on so I won’t hear him anymore.

    I was laying on the bed. He then kicked me on my thigh. I told him what the hell was wrong with him, and he took his desk chair and threatened to throw it to me. This made me so mad I shouted and slapped him on the face. He punched me on my left hip, then stomach. I shouted at the door so his mother could hear me. “Your son is physically hurting me!” I opened the door and let his mother in, I told her what he did to me and she helped me get out of the room. She told me I should bail him and advised me that I should take a break from seeing him, which I would gladly now do so.

    My hip now is very painful and bruised. I told myself the next time he hit me, I would break up with him. Now I did. Should I bail him or just move on?
    Call the cops today. File a report. The longer you wait to file a report, the less evidence they have and it turns into he said/she said. Trust me I've been there.

    Call the police. File a protection order. Block him on any social media. Block his number. Change your number. Cease all contact.


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