harassment claims following break up

Four years ago I began a relationship with a man I dearly loved. Unfortunately at that time I was going through a separation with two small children and the pressure was too much but we remained close friends and on occasion were still intimate.

Eventually it wasn't enough for either of us and he left me. It broke my heart. I did something stupid during that time and told his ex wife via text he'd slept with an escort. I told him this. Last November he contacted me and we met, our relationship quickly became intimate. And he said he needed me and we would always be at least friends. He even said he loved me and referred to 20 years time. But although he seemed committed something seemed wrong. He became obsessed with threesum sex. He kept asking me how I looked at others and if I wanted to touch them and how he wanted to see lots of men and women touch me. He'd pick me up from the corner of my street for two hour periods and take me to his house and to bed, never once offering me a coffee. He'd share with me what he'd like to do to others and that he'd slept with four more prostitutes during our separation, the youngest being 19. He is 53. He said he wanted to take me to a brothel. This deeply upset me.

Then three months ago he received a message from his ex wife. Apparently she had only just received the three year old message and so he sat down his grown up children (In their 30s) and told them about the original escort so his ex couldn't. He then said he totally forgave me. And quickly resumed the sexual texts and explicit pictures. Two months later His eldest daughter then got upset and he text me saying never to talk to him again and our relationship was over years ago. He has made out to his children and I was just a floosy he never took seriously. He's treating me as if it's him and his family and I'm outside that and not worth the time of day. He reminds me of a politician and I'm his dirty secret and I'm part of his shame. Three days ago I fell apart, I drank too much and text his daughter informing her he is a pig who's broken my heart and self esteem, that he's denied the reality of our relationship and that id taken him back even though he had dumped me previously, paid a nineteen year for sex and then came back to me. He has now had the police contact me to warn me about harassment. I'm a good person who lost it a little because I'm confused and I feel broken. I don't know whether I should hate myself or not.

it is way out of line to text his children this stuff, simply because you need to make yourself feel like you matter to him. it is harassment.

if his perversions and selfish behavior bother you, there is no way around it but breaking it off with him.

literally any guy would treat you better than this.

i suspect troll activity, but if you're serious, i'd recommend some heavy counseling.

I am absolutely serious, I'm not sure why you suspect troll activity. The whole thing has been a horrible nightmare. I would never of text his children without a bottle of wine and complete emotional distress. I know it is out of line.

Delete his and his children's numbers.

There is nothing to save or revive here.

sorry. we have actually had ppl joke about this kind of stuff.

nothing about this arrangement was gratifying so i don't for the life of me understand why you'd continue it. he's a lowlife.

if you're struggling with self worth, disgust and a traumatic aspect of it, you really would benefit from counseling. ppl don't keep agreeing to be on the receiveing end of such treatment if they feel well about themselves, and if you are depressed enough to drink, the experience was more than you can handle on your own.

instead of reaching out to him or the family, i would reach out to a professional who can empower me, guide and support me until i make a life for myself that i deserve. if you can't afford that now, at least look for a 12 steps group, they are free.

if you haven't yet, get tested. he sounds like chlamydia on legs.

You have used his exW and adult kids as tools of revenge against him.

Recognize that you put yourself in his path and you can take yourself out of his path. Control rests with you.

You remind me of me when i was recovering from some trauma. Therapy would have helped me heal faster. Give it a shot.

And no, never hate yourself. Love yourself. That is your #1 job. Ask yourself, Kind woman, why are you acting out like this? What pain is inside, clearly biggee than this man? .. treat yourself with kindness and seek understanding.

Not much else to say. It was harassment. You committed it before with his ex-wife. You've now been warned. Avoid bottles of wine if you think it might drive you to make a trilogy of it.

J. Man I know it's harassment but I was very hurt and felt very used. I couldn't feel more guilty I guess that's the point of the thread. Thanks to all for replies

Delete his and his children's numbers.

 

There is nothing to save or revive here.

I agree. It was inappropriate to have contact with his children. Leave them out of this in the future. Stop drinking if you cannot control yourself.

I'd walk away from this circus, and focus on raising my children. Having said that, who is watching your children while all of this is going on?

He has made out to his children and I was just a floosy he never took seriously.

I hate to say this but this is how he most likely saw you because it was exactly how he was treating you.

He's treating me as if it's him and his family and I'm outside that and not worth the time of day.

Because, to him, you probably aren't. His children are important to him. You were just sex.

This guy sounds like a real low life but, nevertheless, you had no business texting his daughter. Telling her about his sex life was wrong on so many levels. I'm not condoning this guy's behaviour but you were never going to do yourself any favours acting like the crazy ex. He has done what he has felt is necessary to protect his daughters because they have been hurt in the crossfire too.

I really hope you learn from this.