Do I have reasons to worry?

I love you my girlfriend so much. I'm ready to pop the question. But her new friendship worries me.

She's now really good friend with her same sex coworker. This is a new friendship that's maybe only 4 months old. Is it too much? Am I worried about nothing?

I spend 8+ months away at an internship. I've been back for only a week and I have this uneasy feeling about her friend. We have not spent more than an hour without her talking about her friend. She wants me to get to know this coworker friend and she wants all of us to be friends. I know my girl means well. But she's constantly on her phone texting this friend.

She wants me to hang out with her friend. Her friend says we should all hang out too. But I feel like the friend really doesn't want me around. I want to propose to my girlfriend soon, so I've made couple of attempts already to hang out with her and her friend this weekend but the friend always bailed out at the last minute.

She was going shopping with my girlfriend after work just 2 days after I got back. My girlfriend brought me along because we had just spent all those time apart and she wanted me to meet her friend. But the majority of the time I felt like I was a third wheel. The friend would interject every time my girl and I started talking after they were done talking about a work related topic. When I tried talking about something the 3 of us could all have a conversation about, she would immediately change the topic to something about their work and I would be left out. I had to go for a walk. And I could see the friend got immediately happy that it was just the two of them.

My girlfriend apologized to me afterward about the "awkward" encounter. This is why I tried making efforts this weekend to hang out again. I honestly feels like she only agrees to hang out but will actually never do if I'm around. When she bails out on the plan for the 3 of us to hang out, she proposes for the 2 of them to hang out soon and then my girl's phone would just keep blowing up with nonstop text from the friend.

This was our first weekend together since I left 8+ months back. We did not have more than an hour of uninterrupted alone time without the phone going off. Then I would have to listen to my girl explaining the text was work related. It was really annoying. I didn't like what I was seeing.

I made a decision to not propose to her right away after I got back because I wanted to see if things will still be the same. But we have not had an uninterrupted hour alone since I've gotten back. We live together.

From a different vintage point, what do you see? And what advices, if any, can you offer?

Thank you so much

How long have were you together before you left on your internship?

Have you told your girlfriend that you would like some one on one time with her? I think it's perfectly normal to ask for date time when to be a time when she sets her phone aside. She might not know what you want. And she might need some time to get back into the swing of being a part of a couple.

I've brought up the topic. She said she will work on it. But her phone is constantly going off.

After 8+ months away, you would think your significant other would be thrilled to have you back, spend time with you after so long, have that desire to be with you after missing you. Actually thats how it is and how I have seen it with other couples who have been apart before.

However this behavior from her would make anyone feel uncomfortable and doesnt make anyone feel special. I dont know what u should do... But you are right in feeling this way.

I love you my girlfriend so much. I'm ready to pop the question. But her new friendship worries me.

She's now really good friend with her same sex coworker. This is a new friendship that's maybe only 4 months old. Is it too much? Am I worried about nothing?

I spend 8+ months away at an internship. I've been back for only a week and I have this uneasy feeling about her friend. We have not spent more than an hour without her talking about her friend. She wants me to get to know this coworker friend and she wants all of us to be friends. I know my girl means well. But she's constantly on her phone texting this friend.

I dont understand. It sounds like you are jealous of her friend?

She wants me to hang out with her friend. Her friend says we should all hang out too. But I feel like the friend really doesn't want me around. I want to propose to my girlfriend soon, so I've made couple of attempts already to hang out with her and her friend this weekend but the friend always bailed out at the last minute.

Is the friend single?

She was going shopping with my girlfriend after work just 2 days after I got back. My girlfriend brought me along because we had just spent all those time apart and she wanted me to meet her friend. But the majority of the time I felt like I was a third wheel. The friend would interject every time my girl and I started talking after they were done talking about a work related topic. When I tried talking about something the 3 of us could all have a conversation about, she would immediately change the topic to something about their work and I would be left out. I had to go for a walk. And I could see the friend got immediately happy that it was just the two of them.

Is the friend jealous that you taking away her only friend now?

My girlfriend apologized to me afterward about the "awkward" encounter. This is why I tried making efforts this weekend to hang out again. I honestly feels like she only agrees to hang out but will actually never do if I'm around. When she bails out on the plan for the 3 of us to hang out, she proposes for the 2 of them to hang out soon and then my girl's phone would just keep blowing up with nonstop text from the friend.

Right... so now your girlfriend is stuck in a tug of war with you and this friend.

This was our first weekend together since I left 8+ months back. We did not have more than an hour of uninterrupted alone time without the phone going off. Then I would have to listen to my girl explaining the text was work related. It was really annoying. I didn't like what I was seeing.

Ok if it is work related, but is she required to respond to a work related text outside of work hours?

I made a decision to not propose to her right away after I got back because I wanted to see if things will still be the same. But we have not had an uninterrupted hour alone since I've gotten back. We live together.

 

From a different vintage point, what do you see? And what advices, if any, can you offer?

Thank you so much

Look, you went away. It left her with a hole to fill. She seems to have filled it with this friend. Now you are back, you cant expect her to just drop the friend. I know its tough, you come home and you kind of expect her to be the same way towards you and its different, maybe you expected her to be dancing to your every tune and be infatuated with your return. But of course it is different.

First of all, dont enter into a tug of war with this friend. It is not that you will lose, it will just make you seem petty. I have no doubt the friend is already well on her way down Petty Avenue.

Phones on a date, or at any point when it is just 2 of you is a huge issue to me. I have been guilty of it in the past. But when I am with my girlfriend I expect phones to be out of sight. Definitely no one is having a conversation on the phone. She may not be ready to do this yet, as again, you were away. The phone is kind of a social crutch at this point I imagine and she is used to having it to fulfill that need. But you are well within your rights to suggest that you both put your phones away and just enjoy each others company. But say both, not her.