She didnt feel a spark during our kiss. Could she still feel sparks eventually?

I just kissed a girl who i have been dating for about 2 months now. We have grown very serious very fast. The kiss was amazing for me. Lots of butterflies. But for her, not so much. She told me the kiss was enjoyable and she really wanted it but there just werent butterflies for her. She was previously stuck in an abusive relationship. Her boyfriend kissed her often in many manners that she was not comfortable with, and he did so without her consent. She felt very unsafe and even a little violated. She says she still feels "broken and raw" from that relationship. I give her butterflies when we cuddle, or hold hands, or even by certain compliments i give her. She finds me attractive and says sometimes she feels like she just cant keep her self from kissing me! So i know the attraction is there. We both feel good chemistry when we are in each other's arms and all that. My question is: could her dark past with kissing play some part in her not feeling butterflies while kissing me?

How long since th hat last relationship?

She's trying to let you down easy. For whatever reason, it doesn't matter, she's not feeling it.

About 3 months or so

This is directly related. Her prior rl resulted in kissing becoming an intuitive trigger for self defense. She goes a bit numb; its a chemical response in the brain that helps us deal with trauma so we don't get overwhelmed.

Don't kiss her. Touch her skin. She gets tingles so go with it. She will kiss you eventually.

She was previously stuck in an abusive relationship. Her boyfriend kissed her often in many manners that she was not comfortable with, and he did so without her consent. She felt very unsafe and even a little violated. She says she still feels "broken and raw" from that relationship. My question is: could her dark past with kissing play some part in her not feeling butterflies while kissing me?

You're listening to her words, not the meaning behind them....always translate what a women is saying. Never take her literally. Allow me to translate for you....

"She was previously stuck in an abusive relationship" - means her childhood was extremely bumpy. Probably much bumpier than yours. Because of the instability in her childhood and the lack of love/attention from father, an abusive relationship is comfortable to her at a subconscious level. She knows how to do that dance with her ex, because he had a complimentary "bumpy"childhood. Consciously she doesn't like the abusive relationship, but subconsciously, she's comfortable reliving her childhood, and will most likely continue relationships like the one with her ex, until she reaches real personal growth. The growth could be years, or it could be decades. Either way, you have better things to do with your time.

Because your childhood was more stable than hers, you can't do that dance as well as her ex and therefore, no spark.

For good or bad, compatible childhoods where each partner automatically does what the other expects based on their childhood is an EXTREMELY powerful draw. It's not to be underestimated for any relationship. If you can find someone where the two of you know how to do the dance of life based on your childhood, and it's somewhat healthy, then you've hit the "jackpot" of relationships.

At your age, 90% of where you are today is based on your childhood. This percentage decreases with time. If you can figure out your childhood and which women have a complementary childhood to yours, your 10 steps ahead of the game.

There's not enough compatibility here. Don't try to rescue her either. She is what she is and has to figure out things and take her own path. Time for you to start your own path, reflecting on what childhood experiences caused you to be drawn to her in the first place. Best of luck!

You're listening to her words, not the meaning behind them....always translate what a women is saying. Never take her literally. Allow me to translate for you....

 

"She was previously stuck in an abusive relationship" - means her childhood was extremely bumpy. Probably much bumpier than yours. Because of the instability in her childhood and the lack of love/attention from father, an abusive relationship is comfortable to her at a subconscious level. She knows how to do that dance with her ex, because he had a complimentary "bumpy"childhood. Consciously she doesn't like the abusive relationship, but subconsciously, she's comfortable reliving her childhood, and will most likely continue relationships like the one with her ex, until she reaches real personal growth. The growth could be years, or it could be decades. Either way, you have better things to do with your time.

 

Because your childhood was more stable than hers, you can't do that dance as well as her ex and therefore, no spark.

 

For good or bad, compatible childhoods where each partner automatically does what the other expects based on their childhood is an EXTREMELY powerful draw. It's not to be underestimated for any relationship. If you can find someone where the two of you know how to do the dance of life based on your childhood, and it's somewhat healthy, then you've hit the "jackpot" of relationships.

 

At your age, 90% of where you are today is based on your childhood. This percentage decreases with time. If you can figure out your childhood and which women have a complementary childhood to yours, your 10 steps ahead of the game.

 

There's not enough compatibility here. Don't try to rescue her either. She is what she is and has to figure out things and take her own path. Time for you to start your own path, reflecting on what childhood experiences caused you to be drawn to her in the first place. Best of luck!

So what do you mean when you say she knows how to do that dance better with her ex? Like she's used to kissing him and not me, and previous feelings of being taken advantage of by her ex are triggered when i kiss her which cancels out a spark?

If she still feels broken and raw from her last relationship, and isn't feeling sexual chemistry with you, then you need to let this one go.

She's not yet ready for a new relationship until she has healed from the previous one, and she doesn't feel as strongly about you as she thought.

I told a lie to my girlfriend. I wanted for her to think that i was experienced with kissing but i was not. I told her that i made out with a girl a while back but a WHILE back. That really did not happen. That was a lie. Should i bring it up to her? I'm afraid she will react verrry badly about me lying about it. Its in the past and has no effect on the future. Should i even bother bringinf it up to her? Is it doing more bad than good?

I can't fathom why you would want to reveal this?

What benefit would that have?