Married behind my back

Hi All

I was dating a guy for an year and things were good but suddenly things started getting weird. He started saying that I bossed around him and various other things and told me to change my attitude as it was hurting him and also it was not good for our relationship. Suddenly few months back he went to his home and stopped calling me altogether and tried ending all sorts of interaction. When we came back he started acting weird as I did not exist, since we worked in the same office, it was a tad bit difficult to ignore each other and also whenever I used to see him I felt like talking to him and making things right. I was going through hell. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. All I did was work exhaust myself and then cry myself to sleep. Though he seemed pretty sad but he repeatedly told me that he had moved on in his life as he felt that we are really incompatible and should stop dating each other. I requested him and promised him that we can give one last shot and try from scratch, if things don't get better we will call it quits. Initially, he said yes to this but never really put in any effort. Few days later my workload increased drastically at workplace and also I got transferred to a different location so I stopped interacting with him. He never called me after that.

Few day back, I got to know through a common friend that he got married recently. Since we were good friends at one point. I gave him a formal call just to congratulate him on his marriage but he kept saying that it was not a happy and well planned marriage. It just happened due to some emergency back at home and he was not prepared for it. Hearing that I felt bad but anyways congratulated him and disconnected the call.

Since whatever he told me seemed a bit weird, so I searched around a bit on social media and found outh that he was lying me for past 6-7 months as actually he had gotten engaged at that time and was to be married now and what all crap he had been feeding me was all a big fat lie.

I just feel that if he wanted to get married by breaking things off. He could have clearly told me that, we hadn't have any talk about being together in our future. I am just so confused that why did he just make me feel guilty and wrong all this time where only reason was that he wanted to break things off. I would have happily left had he told me his real plans.

Please suggest, that should I call up one last time and say that it was how cheap of him to unnecessarily lie and mind me or I just let it go...I really want him to tell that why to make someone life's hell for no reason whatsoever.

He behaved in a cowardly manner, and your feelings are totally understandable. I don't know if you should call him to tell him off or not. Might make you feel better. Then again, you may regret it later, after your feelings calm down. He probably won't care much, either way.

He is a complete a$$hole! I hope that you do not exert anymore energy on this jerk! I also hope that you show yourself some dignity and never speak to him again!!!

He cheated on you the entire time you were together! He will not care if you call him. Move on

Silence and self-respect speak volumes, therefore no words are necessary. Being deceitful usually comes back to bite sooner or later.

Keep in mind that living well gives you the upper hand.

He is a complete a$$hole! I hope that you do not exert anymore energy on this jerk! I also hope that you show yourself some dignity and never speak to him again!!!

 

He cheated on you the entire time you were together! He will not care if you call him.

 

Don't be surprised when he comes back wanting an affair. I feell sorry for the wife, as she is stuck with this creep!

Ugh, can you imagine getting married to someone and behind your back, they are telling others that the marriage was to solve some "emergency"? yuck. What a gross dude, and I'm sorry his wife is stuck with him. Good riddance. Just delete and block. If you still have to work with him, try to not interact with him as much as possible.

For those feeling sorry for his wife, well I bet this marriage doesnt last long. The guy is a total jerk. OP you'd be better off to just do your best to let this go. He treated you very badly and you deserve better. Move on, dont call him. He's a POS.

Those tables always turn... Forget him. The best revenge is being happy and living well.

I am just so confused that why did he just make me feel guilty and wrong all this time where only reason was that he wanted to break things off. I would have happily left had he told me his real plans.

Because he wants you to be the side piece, in other words he wanted to marry the other girl all along and line you up to be his side bit of fun. He's also assuming you're not smart enough to figure things out on your own and is banking that you'll love him oh so much that you'll give him a total free pass.

You need to think long and hard about why you'd even let someone into your life who actively has planned and been cheating on two women before he's even married. I mean, wow. This guy uses people and it just could not be any more apparent. There was no "emergency" and he's tossing the woman he married under the bus to you, because he still wants to sleep with you and have her too.

That's what all that is about. You don't really factor into his idea of what he wants beyond being manipulated into serving him. Of course he didn't want to say anything and wasn't going to let you go, he needs or feels he deserves two women and doesn't care how dishonest he has to be to get it.

I'd say he pretty much just showed you who he really is now. It makes no sense to you, because you aren't a cheater who sees people as things to be used then discarded only when he's done with them. He does.

P.S. He doesn't care that you are hurt. That phone call will just give him the in he needs to keep manipulating you, so don't do it. Or he'll pull the whole "Mah wife don't unnestand meeeee and you do and if only..." and if you fall for any of that then honestly you kind of deserve the hell that follows. So a much better solution to what you do when you find out someone is a manipulative lying cheater is to block and delete them, and move forward with your life and never look back. Seriously, if you know you're vulnerable to this guy's manipulations why are you even contemplating contacting him. Do you think he's going to say anything that will make it better that won't be yet another lie out of his mouth. Or that he'll suddenly start crying, tell you that you just changed him all at once and he's divorcing his wife and will come be by your side and never ever ever cheat or lie again even though he's chronically done that and even to the point of making wedding vows of being faithful and loyal and only with the woman he just married while the entire time he was cheating with you and is now trying to make you believe his being married to her is because "gasp" some "emergency???

The guy is a dirt bag, don't try slinging mud at him, he can dish it back at you times ten and make you think you're doing him a favor by now letting him cheat on his wife with you. Block, delete, flip the script in your head from "I want to make him pay" to "thank the heavens above I found out what a piece of work that one was and didn't end up marrying him myself. Bullet dodged and outrun and not coming near me ever again."

should I call up one last time and say that it was how cheap of him to unnecessarily lie

No, he already knows this, whether he admits it to himself or not. It's best for you to go silent and leave him to contemplate his actions.

Thanks guys for your suggestions...All of you are amazing..I really feel calm now as each of the response unanimously states that I should leave this mess behind...

Was he cheating on his fiance the whole time or did he go back home for an arranged marriage? Did his gf back home announce she was pregnant?

I got to know through a common friend that he got married recently. he kept saying that it was not a happy and well planned marriage. It just happened due to some emergency back at home and he was not prepared for it.

Was he cheating on his fiance the whole time or did he go back home for an arranged marriage? Did his gf back home announce she was pregnant?

He went back home for an arranged marriage with a girl his family with his consent had chosen for him. He was never told me that his family was actively searching for girls for him the entire time he was with me, though apparently he was seeing girls etc which his family was shortlisting for him. He lied pretty well though as I was not able to figure out all this for the entire year I was with him. I got to know all this through social media when I dug around quite actively and connected the dots reminiscing his broken conversation which sometime he used to tell but always laughed it away saying that he was just kidding to make me mad.

Wow sorry to hear this. It sounds like he lied and strung you along knowing all the while this was taking place. Creep.

He went back home for an arranged marriage with a girl his family with his consent had chosen for him. He was never told me that his family was actively searching for girls for him the entire time he was with me.

It's a greedy, grabby thing to do. I've seen it happen before, but the jerk in question was a girl. I liked her, too. But her boyfriend was crazy about her and had NO idea that she had other plans. I didn't see the aftermath of their break up, but I know it had to be bad for him. Makes me mad. People need to wake up a little.