pjfan2 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Ok, I posted before about my situation but I would like to further talk. This woman I became involved with 3 years ago TOLD me she had feelings for me. I don't understand how you could have feelings for someone and then be with someone else. I don't know this other guy or "what he has" that I don't have. When we talked she didn't say a lot about him except that he was "lonely" and "had a drinking issue" but she never said anything else. He's same age as me but does work with her. She made the comment one time that being involved with someone you work with is not good but she's doing it. I mean in my past relationships when I was done I was done. There was nothing more. But she continues to talk to me. I had not heard from her since Sunday and then late last night, after I was asleep, I got a text that I didn't see til this morning. I answered her question she asked. To me it doesn't make sense. I know she checks my Facebook as she has "liked" some posts so I know she's thinking of me and seeing what I'm up to. I just can't stop thinking about her and wondering what her deal is. I might add that I have NEVER admitted to her my feelings of "still in Love" with her since we've been talking again. She said I was but I never responded. I simply don't know what to do and it's driving me crazy. Can anyone offer help/thoughts? Thanks. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Sadly at first she was married then dating you a few months then hopped over to "the love of her life" whom she callously bragged to you about. She seems to crave attention from many men and you are one of her fans in her fan-club of friendzoned exes. Link to comment
pjfan2 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 I would agree she does seems to act oddly but I'm not aware of any other men except her ex husband and this current guy Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Tell her you can no longer talk to her as it is disrespectful to her current relationship. Let her know that it isn't right for the two of you to be in contact while either of you are in a relationship and wish her well. Then stop responding to her messages. Maybe one day she will be single and you can try again but I would caution against it. Past behavior is a good indicator of the future... Lost Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Maybe she does have *feelings* for you, question is what type of feelings? Friendship? Fondness? You are always *there* for her so perhaps she feels "safe" with you .... and likes the attention you give her. However, per your thread yesterday, the fact in the six months you were dating.... she only wanted to get physical and kiss you ONCE (which is unbelievable and not sure why you stuck around) clearly indicates she is neither romantically nor sexually attracted to you. She IS romantically and sexually attracted to this other men, which is why she has chosen to be with HIM and not YOU. But she likes knowing you are "there*, and enjoys your attention. I mentioned this yesterday but words mean nothing unless backed by actions. Her actions indicate she's not *feeling it" for you the way you're feeling it for her. Pay attention to that and not what she "tells* you. I know this isn't what you want to hear, so you will probably disregard, which is fine I suppose. Often times people need to hit the rock bottom of despair before they finally "get it." Best of luck. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Isn't that enough? Why not get a real gf rather than buzz around in her fan-zone? I'm not aware of any other men except her ex husband and this current guy Link to comment
pjfan2 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 No, I think you misunderstood my post yesterday. When we were together for the 6 months we were very intimate. However, NOW, since we have started talking and meeting up occasionally, she only has kissed me once. She has SAID she is attracted to me. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 No, I think you misunderstood my post yesterday. When we were together for the 6 months we were very intimate. However, NOW, since we have started talking and meeting up occasionally, she only has kissed me once. She has SAID she is attracted to me. Again, you keep focusing on what she SAID. Why? I don't get it. Don't you get that people can *say* anything they want whether it's true or not? For the reasons I posted in my earlier post? Attention mostly. People cannot BS about their actions though, so AGAIN focus on that. She has chosen to be with *another* man for heaven's sake. And her physical desire for you has taken a major nose dive. What more will it take for you to get it? Anyway, nuff said from me. Link to comment
pjfan2 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 I know what you are saying BUT for almost 2 1/2 years she has regularly contacted me and expressed her feelings. I don't think she would JUST say that but I could be wrong. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Ok so she's a flirt, but she's having sex with this other dude. That would be it for me. I know what you are saying BUT for almost 2 1/2 years she has regularly contacted me and expressed her feelings. I don't think she would JUST say that but I could be wrong. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 I know what you are saying BUT for almost 2 1/2 years she has regularly contacted me and expressed her feelings. I don't think she would JUST say that but I could be wrong. What do you want us to say? That she's madly in love with you, and her *feelings* are so intense that they scare her, so she chose this other guy because she doesn't like him that much and therefore HE's safe? It seems you will just continue disregarding all our advice and opinions until you hear this. So there I said it, even though I don't mean it. See how it easy it is to spew BS? But you will believe it because you are in denial and hearing the TRUTH is just too painful so you will continue deluding yourself until you're ready to face reality. This is sad, really sad. No one can help you unless you are ready to face reality and be helped. It's okay though, I have BTDT too. That's how I learned. Hopefully you will too, again when you're ready. Link to comment
pjfan2 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 I appreciate your comments and agree. HOWEVER, I did cut off all communication after she notified me of her new man. I mean I cut her off from texting, Facebook, Snapchat, etc. I DID NOT COMMUNICATE WITH HER. Then, 19 days after I did that she called me at WORK. Can't block those calls. Wanting to talk, etc. So I did start talking again. Being nice. Did I do something wrong here? Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 I appreciate your comments and agree. HOWEVER, I did cut off all communication after she notified me of her new man. I mean I cut her off from texting, Facebook, Snapchat, etc. I DID NOT COMMUNICATE WITH HER. Then, 19 days after I did that she called me at WORK. Can't block those calls. Wanting to talk, etc. So I did start talking again. Being nice. Did I do something wrong here? You did the right thing by "cutting her off." From texting, FB, snapchat, etc. I would suggest that next time she contacts you at work, and starts giving you the bit about still having "feelings" and being "attracted" to you, you flat out ask her very assertively (you need to be strong here) that if that is how she feels, why the HELL is she with this other guy? Wait for response, and unless she tells you she is dumping the other guy cause she wants to be with you, AND DOES EXACTLY THAT, you tell her (again, very assertively and emphatically) to STOP contacting you, at work or anywhere else, that you wish her well but are tired of her BS and games. If she continues to contact you at work, don't take her call. Period, end of. Because you love her it WILL be hard, but it must be done. Otherwise you're just another pansy who allows his ex to lead him by the nose into never-never land. Like I said I have BTDT too, so I know how it goes, and cause I was in love (or thought I was at the time) I was the biggest fool to ever walk the face of the earth (IMHO). I have since learned my lesson. Link to comment
pjfan2 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 I also want to say, I do appreciate the honest comments here. Maybe some other suggestions for me: This situation has REALLY had me depressed for almost 3 years. I did seek help but was told "there's nothing wrong with me". Finally doctor did put me on some depression meds but I really don't think it helps much. Can think of nothing but HER. I know, crazy, right? Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 You need to get out there and date other women. That is the best way to remove her from your mind. Don't use other women to feel better, actually date with the intentions of meeting someone new and falling in love. Lost Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 I also want to say, I do appreciate the honest comments here. Maybe some other suggestions for me: This situation has REALLY had me depressed for almost 3 years. I did seek help but was told "there's nothing wrong with me". Finally doctor did put me on some depression meds but I really don't think it helps much. Can think of nothing but HER. I know, crazy, right? I am almost inclined to think it's not even "love" at this point but "obsession." Not the same thing at all. You need to find a new doctor! Personally, I would recommend "talk therapy" over meds. I've done both and refuse to resort to meds. Have you tried running or yoga? It really helps and it sort of "centers" you (yoga especially). And running releases those happy endorphins. Anyway, I am sorry you are hurting and I know you're a guy but ..... hugs. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 No, I think you misunderstood my post yesterday. When we were together for the 6 months we were very intimate. However, NOW, since we have started talking and meeting up occasionally, she only has kissed me once. She has SAID she is attracted to me. Why are you continuing to interact with someone who is involved with someone else now? Out of respect shouldn't YOU stop this? I once heard... if you are 'in love' with more than one, you love neither enough! Can think of nothing but HER. ( Because you are continuing to allow her to do this.. and be in your life.. So... take your life back and move on ... Get involved with someone who will give you their all! No more games. Link to comment
pjfan2 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 the thing is, SHE contacts me. I do NOT initiate ANY communication with her. I let her do it. That's why I'm so confused. SHE does it and NOT me. To me that proves she has an interest. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 She is interested in the attention nothing more. Do not talk to her if she calls or texts. Get on with your life. I am out! Good luck Lost Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 the thing is, SHE contacts me. I do NOT initiate ANY communication with her. I let her do it. That's why I'm so confused. SHE does it and NOT me. To me that proves she has an interest. Yeah she has interest. Interest in your attention, leading you on and keeping you on the hook for godonlyknows what selfish reasons (i.e. to build up her ego). It does NOT mean she cares one iota about you and if you think it does you have A LOT to learn about women. Also, YOU take the calls. YOU continue to talk to her and engage her when SHE contacts you. That's on YOU, you do realize this, right? You cannot put all this on her, YOU are a full participant in this craziness. Own that at least and stop blaming all this on her. It's your life, take responsibility for it by NOT allowing women to use you as their emotional tampon or for attention or anything else. When she contacts you (at work because you're blocking her on text, fb and snapchat) DON'T take the call. Do you have caller ID on the phone? Most businesses do. So you will know when she calls and just don't take the call, or take the call and tell her you don't wish to participate in his craziness anymore, wish her well and move on. ETA: You know, all this isn't exactly easy for me to say. I AM a woman and I know how some women operate. Frankly it embarrasses me to read this, what she is doing which YOU allow. It really saddens me. I wish you could have more of a backbone and stand up for yourself because this is just ridiculous. All this is clear as day to us, but you can't see it cuz you are too involved, obsessed or whatevs. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 pjfan, just out of curiosity, why did you start this thread? What was your purpose, what did you hope to gain by starting it? I ask this cause I am really confused right now. You have received a ton of great advice on this thread and yesterdays...which you have pretty much dismissed... still convinced she is attracted to you, has feelings for you and interest in you. So just curious why you started it. Link to comment
pjfan2 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 Guess I just wanted to get put down by YOU. Geez, thanks. Good bye. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Guess I just wanted to get put down by YOU. Geez, thanks. Good bye. Your sarcasm notwithstanding, sorry you see it that way... just being honest, like everyone else was. As I said I have BTDT so I know how it goes. Best of luck. Link to comment
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