saving money, small paycheck, suggestions for saving esp. during holidays!

I'm 23 and currently working around 30 hours per week at my job that pays me roughly $13.56/hour. I'm also trying to move out and into an apartment with roommates, and I live in one of the most expensive cities, where my average share of rent of neighborhoods I'm looking to live in is anywhere from $700-1000/month.

I looked at my most recent pay stub and noticed that slightly over a third of my gross pay goes to taxes, insurance, and my 401(k). My net pay was $605 for 60 hours of work. My transportation each month costs a total of $468, between public transit (which I take to work), and my share of car insurance, which I need to get around at home. The two things I let myself "splurge" on each month that I refuse to cut out are Netflix and Spotify, which total $20/month - they're the two things that keep me sane when I come home at night & on my commute. I am trying to spend less, as I've fallen into a pattern of spending recently. (I was doing okay before!) But I'm having a hard time saving when so much of my paycheck is going to taxes, insurance, retirement, transportation, and purchasing the necessities to get through life (medications, toiletries, food). I turn down plans with my friends regularly because I simply cannot afford it, and it's really affecting my social life. I haven't seen any of my friends in months because they don't understand my situation. None of them have retirement accounts to contribute to, none of them have full time jobs, none of them have to pay for their own insurance. I have not asked my family for money in several years because I feel incredibly guilty, like I should be able to support myself at this point, which I know is unrealistic in today's world.

I would really like to move out within the next 6 months, as my home situation is highly toxic & has left me with high functioning depression (resolves itself when I'm not living at home). For my mental health, I need to leave, which makes saving money to move out even more important. My mother (who is the issue) says she'll "pay for [my] insurance", as unforseen circumstances kicked me off of her insurance 3 years sooner than expected, and the $70/month that goes to insurance would be very valuable to me. I also frequently have to run errands for her and am never reimbursed for things (groceries, medications, toiletries), and though the bills don't seem like much at the time, they really add up over the course of a month.

I would like to be able to contribute money to my other retirement account, my IRA, as well as save up to move out within the next 6 months. At the moment, my work hours do not allow for a second job, with my commute and the amount of help my disabled mother needs around the house (she refuses to hire a home health aide). It's also the holidays, and it's so difficult for me to make it through buying gifts for my family without feeling like I've lost a whole paycheck. (My mother always has a long list for Christmas, and if we don't get everything on it, it's World War 3 about it for the entire year following. She also picks expensive gifts for others, then expects me to chip in, despite me having asked several times to ask me first.) I'm in dire need of suggestions of how to save with what little income I have leftover without making myself more miserable than I already am! Just thinking about money stresses me out to the max because I feel like I'm never going to be able to be financially independent.

>>I feel incredibly guilty, like I should be able to support myself at this point, which I know is unrealistic in today's world.

I don't mean to sound harsh at all here. But I don't think it's today's world that's the problem. It's your lifestyle. I'm a bit ruthless about money, so bear with me.

1. Work 40 hours

I'm not sure why you work 30 hours, but that's part time. If you worked full time at the same salary, your gross would increase quite a bit (at least 20-30%). That's the first thing. A young, healthy person should be working full time. That extra money can go towards savings.

2. Consider moving out (strategically) soon

If you can find a room for $650-700 for a small room within walking distance from work, that might be about what you pay for transportation + car stuff (like insurance). And if you move to some place within walking distance of work, you'll have virtually no transportation costs.

3. Do free stuff with friends

You don't need money for a social life. Organize free events (potlucks, game nights, picnics in the park) with your friends that are free.

4. Christmas

My husband and I do quite well but we have a $25 limit on all Christmas presents. It's not a requirement at all to spend a bunch of money for any holiday.

Some things that people think they "need" are things that can be done without. Things such as expensive daily coffee drinks from Starbucks, energy drinks such as Monster or Rockstar, frozen prepared foods (as opposed to fresh foods that you can cook yourself), cigarettes, alcoholic beverages, candy or other junk foods, buying lunch out instead of brown bagging a sandwich, etc.

If you are not spending any money on anything like these things, then it's a matter of shaving a bit here and a bit there.

I bring my lunch to work, I cook a large amount of something at the beginning of the work week (such as stew, chicken soup, pasta with sauce) and eat some for dinner and bring some to work for lunch. Breakfast is cold cereal with milk or frozen waffles with margarine and syrup or scrambled eggs.

I can get full on a can of tuna and an avocado, too.

I won't skimp on toilet paper or facial tissue (hate the scratchy ones) so I buy in larger quantities to save money over the long term. And I shop at the dollar store for toothpaste, soap and some staple food items.

I also advocate spending just a bit more on clothing so it will last longer. T-shirts from Walmart are $4, but they last about as long as you'd expect a $4 t-shirt would last. I wait for sales at Old Navy or JC Penney and stock up then. Better quality at a similar price.

And, once or twice a month I treat myself to a cheap but good dinner out. Happy Hour works great for that. I can get a beer and a Chicago-style hot dog for $2 each if I know where to go.

Hope some of this helps.

Roommates suck - I would not get roommates if you can help it. At your age, lots of roommates are irresponsible and bad with money, and it will fall to you. If you can, it would probably be cheaper to either rent a room out of someone's house (not a full apartment) or move to an area with a lower cost of living.

I make a little less than you and my rent is about $800 for a full 1 bedroom in a very low cost of living area. Money is tight but I do get by and have a little extra.

Are you able to pick up overtime at your job? I work overtime when I can pick it up and it really does add up. I also have a "side hustle" that nets me some money each month. No worries, it's legal and easy.

Also, you need to start saying "no" to your mother. She's taking advantage of you. You living at home benefits her and when she asks you to do errands and not pay you back and all of this BS, she is making it so you're less likely to be independent. Say no.

You need an accountant to better handle your operating costs, retirement structure, tax deductions and what is withheld from your pay.

greatunknowns: I actually feel like you are doing well for someone your age. It seems like you have a good handle with your money.

Have you looked at other job opportunities that pay more? Moving closer to your work if possible is a good idea to cut back on transportation expenses.

Sometimes parents are unaware of all the expenses that you may have; is your mom aware?

Keep a notepad with all your expenses and you will notice where every cent goes and look at where you can cut back...i.e are you eating out a lot? How can you reduce the expense of eating out.

But from the sound of it; you don't seem like someone who is splurging on useless things.

At my job, 30 hours is considered full time, as employees that work 24+ receive insurance & other benefits that part time employees do not. 30 is the average, but my hours can vary from 24-40. I can't ask for extra hours because they are simply not available. I work in retail, so I could also pick up shifts at another store, but they conflict with my schedule. I work 5 days/week, but I recently had minor surgery that requires me to go to therapy, and I have other responsibilities that require me to have at least one day off. I'm an actor & I've done the 6-day work week plenty - performing 6 days a week can be tough, which means that 6 days/week of a "real world" job is even worse (and I have done it before). I mentally cannot do 6 days of retail.

I also live in NY, where the cost of living is stupidly expensive. My career is based here, so moving to a different state where the cost of living is cheaper is out of the question. I am also contracted with an agency & would be in trouble for breach of contract if I moved out of state & could not attend auditions in NY. Living solo in NY on what I earn is absolutely impossible.

I bring my lunch to work every day, and the only time I ever eat out/get food is when I have no food in the house and have not gone grocery shopping. (I'll eat lunch from out, immediately go grocery shopping when I get home.)

Moving closer to work is pretty much what I'm trying to do, but it means moving into an apartment, which is way more expensive. Cutting out my metrocard is pretty unfeasible for the amount of times I need to take the subway to get somewhere. There are neighborhoods that are cheaper, but my commute time would be longer because of the subway, and those neighborhoods are not safe. I have been catcalled and followed in safe areas of the city - I do not feel comfortable living in an unsafe area.

My mother is aware, and is both forgetful & doesn't really care that I'm having a difficult time with money. I am considering changing my tax withholdings, but am also a bit wary - I had to file in two states last year & owed $300 (weird situation all around). I want to be able to contribute to my 401(k) while I have the opportunity & because my actual career path is so unstable, but perhaps I should change my withdrawals per paycheck so it's not so much.

As far as your mom - you are living there, so you SHOULD be buying toiletries, food, etc, unless you say you don't go to the bathroom there. If you lived on your own, you would be buying these things. It would be more expensive.

There are a couple apps where you can earn $ or gift cards from uploading your receipts. I would use those to make a little extra pocket money for money you have spent - grocery receipts, etc. It may not be much, but its something and if you pay attention, there may be items at the store you normally buy there is a rebate for. Also, see if your grocery store has an app and a loyalty card - you can often shave 10-30% off your grocery bill that way. Also, cooking larger portions and freezing them to make lunches for the entire week at once is cheaper than going to the grocery constantly. It may be harder to do if you live at home and multiple people might be eating the food you buy, though. What I mean is every two weeks cook big batches of pasta, casseroles, anything that can be frozen and made ahead and make 1-2 weeks of lunches at a time. And then just buy fresh fruit, etc.

I bet with Christmas coming, there will be extra hours to be had. After the holidays, I would look into what your schedule is and perhaps wait tables on one of the two days you are normally off - and then also one evening - and then write on the schedule you are available to pick up a shift for someone if you happen to have less hours at work that week. I know you say your commute doesn't allow it - but you could work near home on one of your days off and evening on a day you go in early.

I would shop thrift and consignment shops. I have designer clothing and well made basics from not designer but better brands (Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Free People, LL Bean) and no one knows the difference.

Do you have siblings? Is there anyone else that can help pitch in on mom's day to day needs - things you don't also use? Is there someone who would agree to come check in on mom a few days a week?

I work in retail, so I could also pick up shifts at another store, but they conflict with my schedule. I work 5 days/week, but I recently had minor surgery that requires me to go to therapy, and I have other responsibilities that require me to have at least one day off. I'm an actor & I've done the 6-day work week plenty - performing 6 days a week can be tough, which means that 6 days/week of a "real world" job is even worse (and I have done it before). I mentally cannot do 6 days of retail.

Well, this is the root cause of your financial troubles. You are an aspiring actor, presumably not making money in that, who is working semi-limited, semi-unpredictable hours in retail.

Of course you are going to be having a difficult time with money. But what's your end game with the acting stuff? If that doesn't pan out, you'll need to consider a change in career to something that allows for a higher wage.

I'm truly almost never home, so buying things like her groceries and picking up things at CVS for her really shouldn't be on me financially. I buy the stuff I use, like shampoo, makeup remover, etc., but I can't afford high grocery bills for things she wants but never eats. (And it's not worth my time starting a discussion about the fact that she doesn't eat half of what's on her grocery list, because I'll get chewed out for that.) I brought up my paycheck in conversation today, and my mother brushed it off like it's ALL my fault I have no money, like I'm supposed to be paying for all of her stuff. Mind you, she works ~20 hours/week, makes less than I do hourly, and does nothing the rest of the day. They money she has was my late father's, so she's getting his social security and all of that stuff. (I have gotten no money, and I find it hard to believe that my father would not have put any money aside for me..? I've asked about it several times and apparently the only "money" for me is in the form of reward points to use toward vacation, which really grinds my gears. I truly do not believe that there was nothing in his will about money going to his children, but I don't think I ever really saw the will. Either way, she's just frivolously spending his money.)

The way my store works, we have to meet daily sales goal in order to "earn" hours. We begin each quarter with a baseline of hours of scheduling. From there, if we make our daily sales goal, we "earn" hours, that allow us to have extra shifts, extend our current scheduled ones, come in and do small tasks that we otherwise don't have time to do. If we don't make our daily sales goal, we "lose" hours, which means we have to be really diligent with clocking out when we're supposed to based on our schedule - not a lot of wiggle room for extra hours. We haven't been doing so well, and we don't have any extra shifts available, unfortunately. Only ~20 employees at my store, and we're in our blackout period, so we're all pretty much scheduled all the time. No extra shifts really, but if there are, they're available because I'm the one needing someone to come in. (I am the inventory lead & often need support with inventory store operations...don't even get me started on what I get paid for the amount of work I do...)

I don't shop very often. I get a massive discount at work, and the clothing is high quality, so when I do buy something, I don't feel bad about it. 60-75% discount, and the clothing lasts a long time. I've been wearing it since before I worked there, and I have pieces from 6-7 years ago that are still in fantastic condition. I try to coupon and use discounts when and where I can for all stores, and I'll usually hunt around for the best price if it's something available from multiple vendors.

My brother is very active in helping my mom get stuff done, but he works a 9-5 (typically longer hours though), and often works 6 days/week. He comes over after work a few days a week to pitch in with stuff I am not around during the day to do - for instance, right now, it's setting up holiday decorations for outside the house, hanging a wreath on the door, pretty much anything that's not running errands. He helps me out a ton by doing that stuff, so I'm not really in a place to ask him for more help. We're both kind of done with the way we're treated by our mother, and we both do so much for her that it's not fair of me to ask him to do more than he already does.

Ms Darcy, I'm not an "aspiring actor", I'm actually a professional actor that has been paid for my work. While I am not currently an employed actor due to my recent surgery (should be back to auditioning in January/February), my agent actually helps me book jobs. Pre-surgery, I actually worked pretty consistently. I have predictable hours in retail - I know I'm never working less than 24 because I'll lose my insurance, and 30 is usually my average. I haven't had a 24 hour week in a few months, and as of late, have been floating closer to 32-35 hours/week. My end game with the acting "stuff" is to perform on Broadway, but when you have an agent, they can help you negotiate your pay wherever you work. You might not always be successful, but sometimes you can negotiate for your agent's commission to be included in your pay, you can negotiate for better housing for out of town gigs, transportation, etc. That's what your agent is there for. Forgive me if this comes across as pointed, but I don't need another lecture about changing my career to something that's more stable or pays higher. I'm just tired of people that don't know what being an actor is like always telling me that Not only would that involve me going back to school because my degree is irrelevant to literally every single field and shelling out an exorbitant amount of money, but I'm following a career path I'm not only good at, but greatly enjoy. A lot of being in the business is not necessarily how good you are, but about your connections and how patient you are. Lots of people don't make it because they give up too early, and I've seen it happen many times with people I know.

I think I'm maybe just in a sucky situation right now. My surgery was on my vocal cords, so I'm unable at the moment to get another job in retail or anything that requires consistent speaking, as I'm not allowed to be chatting it up non-stop for an entire shift, which has been its own mental beast and been hard & frustrating for me. I just feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. The high functioning depression isn't helping, because I constantly feel like taking on one more thing is going to overload me. I'm already overwhelmed and stressed all the time, and taking on even more responsibility would mean starting to slack in every area of my life. I need more money, so I should get a second job. (Recently quit my old second job because of a buildup of personal differences over 5 years with my employer.) But a second job would also mean the aforementioned overload. Between my current job/commute and doing everything my mother needs me to do (which, for some reason, includes basically being her personal chef when SHE is the one that's home all day and doesn't help me out at all), I genuinely barely have time to do any of the things I need to get done...I mean, a load of clean laundry has been sitting in my hamper for 3 days now because I quite literally have no time to fold it. Just sucks to be parenting your parent when you're 23 & trying to get your life started. I feel like no one in my life understands how I'm feeling so I just have to shut up about it, and that paired with not having any kind of social life makes me feel totally isolated, and often very lonely.

You are living there for free? The spouse is entitled to everything and in fact co-owns everything upon your father's death, so she's not gypping you out of anything and your dad's ssi belongs to her. They already worked a lifetime for whatever they had and she now has.

How she spends her money is her business. It's not her fault you only work 30 hrs/wk in a low pay job. It's time to get your own place, even if it's sharing a place with others.

The best thing you can do is start going to an accountant for setting up a budget and an intelligent tax plan and budget. However you will need to have short term mid-range and long range goals. For example tax deferred retirement accounts are very smart but not if you are going into credit card debt for basic operating costs.

I buy the stuff I use, like makeup remover, etc.,

I'm truly almost never home, so buying things like her groceries and picking up things at CVS for her really shouldn't be on me financially. I buy the stuff I use, like shampoo, makeup remover, etc., but I can't afford high grocery bills for things she wants but never eats. (And it's not worth my time starting a discussion about the fact that she doesn't eat half of what's on her grocery list, because I'll get chewed out for that.) I brought up my paycheck in conversation today, and my mother brushed it off like it's ALL my fault I have no money, like I'm supposed to be paying for all of her stuff.

 

I am the inventory lead & often need support with inventory store operations...don't even get me started on what I get paid for the amount of work I do...

 

Ms Darcy, I'm not an "aspiring actor", I'm actually a professional actor that has been paid for my work. While I am not currently an employed actor due to my recent surgery (should be back to auditioning in January/February), my agent actually helps me book jobs. Pre-surgery, I actually worked pretty consistently. I have predictable hours in retail - I know I'm never working less than 24 because I'll lose my insurance, and 30 is usually my average. I haven't had a 24 hour week in a few months, and as of late, have been floating closer to 32-35 hours/week. My end game with the acting "stuff" is to perform on Broadway, but when you have an agent, they can help you negotiate your pay wherever you work. You might not always be successful, but sometimes you can negotiate for your agent's commission to be included in your pay, you can negotiate for better housing for out of town gigs, transportation, etc. That's what your agent is there for. Forgive me if this comes across as pointed, but I don't need another lecture about changing my career to something that's more stable or pays higher. I'm just tired of people that don't know what being an actor is like always telling me that Not only would that involve me going back to school because my degree is irrelevant to literally every single field and shelling out an exorbitant amount of money, but I'm following a career path I'm not only good at, but greatly enjoy. A lot of being in the business is not necessarily how good you are, but about your connections and how patient you are. Lots of people don't make it because they give up too early, and I've seen it happen many times with people I know.

 

I think I'm maybe just in a sucky situation right now. My surgery was on my vocal cords, so I'm unable at the moment to get another job in retail or anything that requires consistent speaking, as I'm not allowed to be chatting it up non-stop for an entire shift, which has been its own mental beast and been hard & frustrating for me. I just feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. The high functioning depression isn't helping, because I constantly feel like taking on one more thing is going to overload me. I'm already overwhelmed and stressed all the time, and taking on even more responsibility would mean starting to slack in every area of my life. I need more money, so I should get a second job. (Recently quit my old second job because of a buildup of personal differences over 5 years with my employer.) But a second job would also mean the aforementioned overload. Between my current job/commute and doing everything my mother needs me to do (which, for some reason, includes basically being her personal chef when SHE is the one that's home all day and doesn't help me out at all), I genuinely barely have time to do any of the things I need to get done...I mean, a load of clean laundry has been sitting in my hamper for 3 days now because I quite literally have no time to fold it. Just sucks to be parenting your parent when you're 23 & trying to get your life started. I feel like no one in my life understands how I'm feeling so I just have to shut up about it, and that paired with not having any kind of social life makes me feel totally isolated, and often very lonely.

You are living there for free? The spouse is entitled to everything and in fact co-owns everything upon your father's death, so she's not gypping you out of anything and your dad's ssi belongs to her. They already worked a lifetime for whatever they had and she now has.

 

How she spends her money is her business. It's not her fault you only work 30 hrs/wk in a low pay job. It's time to get your own place, even if it's sharing a place with others.

 

The best thing you can do is start going to an accountant for setting up a budget and an intelligent tax plan and budget. However you will need to have short term mid-range and long range goals. For example tax deferred retirement accounts are very smart but not if you are going into credit card debt for basic operating costs.

I have to agree with Wiseman. You are entitled to look at your father's will to see what he assigned to who. But legally, the spouse is generally favored by default.

It sort of seems from what you convey here, is a bit of an attitude (or point of view) that things are very unfair to you. Unless there was something in the will that was provided to you specifically, you aren't being "gypped" there.

And in terms of the low pay ... I completely understand what you are saying about the acting jobs and the business. Remember, however, what you said in your first post. You described your salary and hours in relation only to retail. So, you weren't describing any income from acting.

It's a bummer that you had surgery and hopefully you recover soon. But the reality is that you aren't making money from it at this time and who knows for how long. And the choices you make for that profession, and support profession, are directly impacting how much (or little) you are making.

I mean that's OK. But you seem to be very resistant to making some changes to accommodate a lifestyle that, by nature for most of its participants, is not going to be well paid.

And concerning your mom, you're an adult. If you live rent free in her home, barely there or not, there are going to be some rules you don't like. You can move out. You are free to do this. If you can't afford it, it's a consequence of the lifestyle that YOU chose. You see the connections?