your ex does think about you

I've been on both sides of the equation. Right now, I'm on the bad side, the person that was broken up with. But I know that he thinks of me. We broke up the first time about a month ago now and he called me two days later wanting to come back. So of course they are thinking of you. We had a complex relationship and way back in the beginnings before we were really official and just dating, I broke it off with him and always always always thought of him. We found our way back. Now we aren't back, thanks to the seemingly typical young 20s male "want-to-be-single" phase but I know he thinks about me.

You always ask yourself if they think of you. For some reason, it helps knowing. So if you're going through a break-up right now and wondering if your ex is thinking about you. S/he is.

I suppose it's nice to think those that did the dumping think of the dumpee but it really doesn't matter. The focus HAS to be on yourself and healing, getting yourself comfortable with being single again and then ready for another relationship. I spent too long focused on my ex who dumped me and quite honestly it was a colossal waste of time. It just doesn't matter. Better to forget them

Agreed. The focus HAS to be on yourself. Wondering if an ex is thinking about you can send you down a slippery slope of S/he is thinking about me. S/he might miss me. S/he might want to get back with me. I'll contact S/he, see where they are at. S/he doesn't want me back, I am back to square one!!

Of course a dumper will think about the dumpee. Thats just human nature..

Ahhh, the age old question that is asked here about 8 million times. "Does my X think of me?"

Truth is they do, how can they not? Problem is that there is what is called an emotional attachment to that thought. Example. If an X cheated on me and that love is destroyed, then I can think of my X, but the emotional attachment is gone, therefore I dont miss my X. But if an X I loved leaves me and Im still trying to validate the reason or try to figure out why and confused to the break up, then the emotional attachment is alive and well.

Time is a great healer but time cant do it alone. If one still has pictures of the X up on the wall, candles burning and reading emails every day from our X, then time is not going to help you. Time helps when one puts their past behind them and begins to move forward. At this point, it doesnt matter if our X thinks about us at all.

Nice post. Most dumpees feel like they meant nothing to the dumper. I remember wondering if my ex ever thought about me because I sure as hell thought about him, a lot! I kept NC though, it was a horrible breakup and he said horrible things to me about me. NC helped my dignity. After 2 month of NC, I noticed I felt happier. My mom noticed it, too. I realized it was because I rarely thought of him anymore. At 3 mos, I could say I was over him and reached indifference. This is when he began contacting me by alias email accounts or randomn phone numbers, I blocked him every time he reached out. It happened every 6 weeks, 3 times. One of his messages to me was, "please don't block me. I want to talk to you, you're wonderful." So, yes, I can attest, they do think of you. But hopefully if they contact you, you'll be "over it".

I'm pretty sure my ex was shocked that I never reached out to him. I was always the one who was first to apologize after an argument, I always made a huge effort with him no matter what it was. Had he not called me horrible names during the breakup, I would've reached out to him at some point to "talk".

An ex thinking about you doesn't mean they want to come back. I can only look at my own behaviour to know that it's simply not the case. You'll only know the truth if they pick up the phone and contact you. But don't wait for it or expect it. It will only make you more depressed. Assume that it's over for good and that they're not ever coming back. It's the only way to help you heal quickly and move on.

An ex thinking about you doesn't mean they want to come back. I can only look at my own behaviour to know that it's simply not the case. You'll only know the truth if they pick up the phone and contact you. But don't wait for it or expect it. It will only make you more depressed. Assume that it's over for good and that they're not ever coming back. It's the only way to help you heal quickly and move on.

As painful as it is, I have to agree with Onderoo.

I lost a woman that I thought I would marry about 5 months ago. We broke up but I figured we'd get back together since she lives above me in our apartment complex (yeah...I know...). I went NC with her after about a week of the breakup. A month later, she shows up at home on a Monday night with a new guy.

I figured that this was a fling but four months later, he's still showing up and she's not around on weekends.

While I've been maintaining NC, it absolutely shattered me (hence the name) and I went into full on depression mode. I lost 30lbs from the anxiety (but I was working out pretty hard too), slept an average of 3 hours a night, my angry/hurt feelings dominating all forms of internal thought processes. Everyone told me the same thing: "You weren't meant for each other", "She wasn't the right girl for you", etc. None of this helped me.

I did all the "right things": Never missed a day of work, massively cut back on food and alcohol intake (its a depressant, remember), hit the gym for 2.5 hours a night, read every "How to get your ex back"/"how to get over a breakup" book from every expert out there, reading Scripture, started going to church, therapy, dating multiple women......none of which has really helped except for the time that it took for my mind and heart to start healing.

I don't know why I had this little voice in the back of my mind (and still do sometimes) that she'll be coming back. I've got no evidence to this thought: She hasn't called, texted, emailed, etc.

Now that this situation has driven me into therapy, I'm trying (partially succeeding) in letting go of the fantasy that I had of marriage, kids, etc. Have to give it time for the pain and anger to eventually go away....

At this point, short of God's will, I am assuming that she isn't coming back or has any interest in reconciliation since she's now been involved with this guy for four months. I'm moving on but I'm keenly aware that my feelings/baggage could interfere with my next relationship. Funny how her's didn't.....

You're right, to an extent.

When I have been the dumper, I have thought of exes. But not in a nostalgic, regretful sort of way. It was more like I thought of them hoping they were doing well and feeling grateful for the good times we'd had. But by the time I ended those relationships, I was already emotionally detached. So when those exes did cross my mind, it wasn't because I wanted to go back to them.

Obviously, some dumpers do regret their choices and think wistfully or regretfully. That just hasn't been my experience as the one ending the relationship.

Sure they think about you. But often without nostalgia, love or missing you. You just happen to pop up in their head sometimes when something triggers the memory of you. Having been both dumpee and dumper I can say it is a very hard truth to accept but no, in a lot of the cases the dumpers do not miss you. Sorry.