I think my dad cheated on mom...

I dont know what to do... I used my dads computer yesterday for homework, and i opened a word document on the desktop (it was just titled new word document) and when i did I saw a whole page of writing. It started with "Dear ___!" and proceeded to talk about how this person and my dad had intercourse.. it was SO graphic..... not only did i feel like I swallowed a football, I was just angry and so freaked out IDK.... i kept reading only because I saw my moms name ( for a brief moment I thought maybe this was a sexy note between my dad and my mom). This person was writing foul stuff about my mom... saying this c*nt, B**ch won't let us be together, you keep obsessing over her and not me etc. etc... it was so messed up ughhh....

yesterday I left my house to think about what to do, by the end of the evening I decided to act like nothing happened, like I never saw it. But today I cannot stop thinking about it... my memory practically memorized all those horrible things.. uguhuhughuguhhhh.......

My question, what to do? should i approach him and ask? should i try to swallow it up and forget about it? what is even the RIGHT thing to do....... my parents have been together for 24 years...

Please advice

Tell your father but not your mother what you discovered.

proceeded to talk about how this person and my dad had intercourse..

Tell your father but not your mother what you discovered.

Totally agree. Was going to say the same thing. Man to man conversation.

If this happened to me, I'd sit with it for a few days, maybe even see a therapist and then decide what the best next step would be. It really depends on your relationship with your parents, I think. If you've got the kind of relationship where you can talk openly and privately with your dad about what you saw, that might be a good way to go. He'll probably feel extremely embarrassed and ashamed, and maybe even deny it. But perhaps knowing that you know will help him do the right thing and end the affair. Or he could possibly choose to end the marriage (gotta be ready for anything). I'd encourage him to talk to your mom himself rather than you telling her, but again a lot of this will depend on the family dynamics. So sorry

I... I dont know what to expect.. and im thinking if keeping it to myself is selfish and messed up towards mom.. i keep thinking what if I tell him about it and he admits to it.. then what?

thank you ,, I have a great relationship with both of my parents, and I always thought they do as well.. but I dont know now... I think I will take your advice and think about it for a few days

that's the thing I am a girl... and I think father-daughter convo regarding such vulgarity will be very difficult

Whatever the case, you found it and it can't be your burden. Tell your father and see what he says, give him a chance to explain, even if he denies things or reacts badly. Then you are unburdened and he's on alert....as it should be.

I... I dont know what to expect.. and im thinking if keeping it to myself is selfish and messed up towards mom.. i keep thinking what if I tell him about it and he admits to it.. then what?

I think as hard as it is, to talk to him about what you saw. If you confide in other family members they may over-react and then it all comes out.

But if you try and have a conversation with your dad, at least it stops with just the two of you and it goes no further.

It may turn out your mom might already know, and maybe your dad might get a wake-up call now that you have discovered it.

 

It may turn out your mom might already know, and maybe your dad might get a wake-up call now that you have discovered it.

i didnt even think about that... yea

I am so sorry you found that! I would give my dad the cold shoulder until he said something about my attitude than I'd let him know he is in no place to play Mr right.

I am so sorry you found that! I would give my dad the cold shoulder until he said something about my attitude than I'd let him know he is in no place to play Mr right.

That's not very mature, and won't solve anything.

That's not very mature, and won't solve anything.

Nope probably not but I can't say I know how to approach my dad about something like that.

Nope probably not but I can't say I know how to approach my dad about something like that.

Calm and collective. She may not like the answer, but she deserves one.

My husband actually went through something similar, and confronting his father got him nowhere. His father just said to him, "Don't tell your mother or your sister what you found and it doesn't mean anything, nothing happened." Of course, it turned out his father had been sleeping with a variety of women and lying about it constantly. The only thing that came out of this was my husband lost a lot of respect for his father and their relationship never really recovered. And a LOT of people in their community knew what was going, which didn't help. But I do have a husband who will never have an affair because he would never want to be in that category.