Blindsided somone with a break up

I was in a relationship with a girl for eight months. There were great fun times, and times when I wasn't sure if it was what I really wanted. She'd ask me if things were ok, I'd say "yes" even if I wasn't 100%. I'd tell myself that if I said anything, things would dismantle and our relationship would come to an end, so I might as well try and concentrate on and remember the times I was happy and content, and to try and push the uncertain negative feelings aside, in a hope they'd go away and I'd change - after all she is a great girl. It was easier for me not to say anything, until not long ago, over the phone after she questioned about how things were between us I told her that we should probably break up, as I couldn't tell her I loved her and that ultimately I didn't want to be in a committed relationship (with anyone).

She never saw it coming, and because I liked her and was fond of her was always encouraging us seeing each other and looking forward to hanging out - and perhaps my uncertainties would go away and I'd see the light.

She was completely devastated, angry and confused by my telling her I didn't think a committed relationship was what I wanted.

So, in hindsight I completely led her on, ruined her confidence and trust and left her hurt and confused.

I tried to justify it at the time by saying to myself that if I wasn't certain then no need to say anything negative I might be feeling. Total mistake and cowardly. Took away her right to have a clearer perspective on how I was feeling and thinking during those times, and let her carry on thinking that things were fine, until I couldn't maintain my doubt any longer and blindsided a wonderful person.

I've lost mutual friends and feel like I've ruined my sense of character and left a good person in an awful state.

Has anyone ever been on either end of a similar situation and/or have any thoughts or comments?

You did the right thing. She wanted a committed relationship and after 8 mos of dating you didn't. The only outcome is going separate ways.

You are not the last or only man on earth and she'll get over it. You "took" nothing from her, you dated a mere 8 mos, honestly told her you weren't feeling it and that happens all the time.

I told her that we should probably break up, as I couldn't tell her I loved her and that ultimately I didn't want to be in a committed relationship (with anyone).

These things happen. If they didn't we would have to marry the first person we dated.

I see your point, and agree with the others that you did the right thing by telling her when you decided. You weren't sure before, so why spoil everything? There's no way to be sure what admitting doubt earlier would have lead to. Maybe a break up, maybe a good and helpful conversation on it. But I'm guessing then you didn't know for sure that you'd eventually want to end it, did you? We could always look at ourselves and say that we could have said something sooner, but you could have also said something later. And beyond saying that something like this is right or wrong, look at it as how you communicate - I think that is a big part of compatibility and relationships.

You keep posting about this over and over.....maybe see a counselor and talk about it? You seem to be having a really oddly hard time accepting that you didn't do anything wrong or bad and keep asking for people to tell you otherwise for some strange reason. Feeling this amount of guilt over ordinary life events is not normal. Either she has you completely brainwashed or you have personal emotional issues in how you react to life. Either way, please get help. Nobody here is ever going to tell you that you were wrong. You were not wrong and you didn't do anything bad. If you can't stop obsessing about it, get professional counseling please.