Disproportionate Inheritance

It's been a difficult year. My dad, 83, fought cancer for 9 months and succumbed to it last Tuesday.

What made it all the more difficult is that he lived 1200 miles away from us as he and mum separated in 1973.

There are three children.

My older brother was born in 1963 and was adopted. He is part aboriginal.

I was born in 1965. I'm adopted and full blooded aboriginal.

My little sister was born naturally to my parents in 1967.

We were estranged for 8 years, from when I was 8 to 16.

After we got married, we all took turns visiting back and forth, except my brother, who has some kind of anxiety disorder. He always showed up to family events here at home but never went to see dad in BC.

Another thing is that dad always stayed with my sister here in Alberta, mostly due to the size of her house. There just wasn't room in my apartment. I should mention that my sister married into money.

This explains how she was able to continue visiting dad after I was widowed in 2002 - as she didn't have to work FT, and had the funds to fly back and forth.

My husband and I went to see him in 2013 and he makes a point of sitting us down to tell us that his estate is divided equally between the kids.

It's not something we felt comfortable discussing but say thank you anyway.

Fast forward to March 2015.

Mum is living with me, requiring FT care for Alzheimer's. Dad's cancer is getting worse.

My sister has to fly back and forth a dozen times in 9 months. I use all my vacation time looking after mum as my sister usually does it while I'm at my FT job.

My sister begins discussing dad's estate, saying dad is mad at our brother because he didn't thank dad for the last financial gift (Dad gifted us money from time to time, and I was always grateful and thanked him for helping)

I start wondering if dad is going to treat our brother differently in his will because my sister keeps mentioning it. She even goes as far as to repeat what dad said "Well he's weird and always was a mommas boy. And he never calls."

In August, I spend two days with him to say goodbye.

In September, after dad is hospitalized, my sister tells me that she's moving her adult daughter into dad's house (to "look after it" as it's value is close to $600,000.)

My niece begins throwing out dad's stuff.

The hospital wants to send dad home but my sister blocks it so he won't find out that his stuff is gone.

I was so upset that my sister didn't want to honour dad's wishes to go home, but in the end he did, and was home for 4 days before falling and going back to the hospital.

He died last Tuesday.

The next day my sister calls and says she's sending the will. I have been bequeathed 8%, my brother 8%, and she gets 84%. If I sign a waiver saying I won't challenge the will, she can have a cheque to me in January.

I loved my dad, and I want to feel grateful. 8% is a generous amount - if you did not compare it to the 84% he bequeathed to my sister.

It makes me feel as though I was painted with the same brush as my brother, however at this point we only have two things in common. We're both adopted, and we're both aboriginal.

In British Columbia, the law states that all natural and adopted children be treated equally. I may have a case under the wills variance act there.

But I will lose my relationship with my sister if I challenge the will. On the other hand, I have children in university and have struggled financially since becoming widowed - I need new shingles, windows and doors in my house. I owe a large tax bill.

My sister has never struggled with money.

I am seeing an attorney today, but haven't decided how aggressive I will be.

I guess I'm just looking for opinions and support.

Your attorney will let you know whether the distribution your father determined can be contested and what that would entail. It has nothing to do with adoption, who he loved, etc.

Often parents determine this by whoever is taking care of them in their final days, unfortunately. Death and inheritances and siblings will often create hard feeling one way or the other. Do what you need to do and what you think is fair .

I have been bequeathed 8%, my brother 8%, and she gets 84%. If I sign a waiver saying I won't challenge the will, she can have a cheque to me in January. I am seeing an attorney today, but haven't decided how aggressive I will be.

Have you actually seen the will? Or are you just taking her word for it. Regardless, I would seek legal advice just to make sure it's all on the up and up. From there you can decide what to do, but at least if it were me that's what I would do if I were in a similar position. My father gave all of us kids our "inheritance" while he was still alive, then used to rest for his and my mom's care. (She lost all that to scammers, but that's another story for another day) so we didn't have to fight it out in court.

BTW my condolences for your father passing. That's hard in and of itself, so take the time to grieve and remember him.

See your lawyer. Seems wills in Canada aren't worth the paper they are written on if someone contests. You relationship with your sister should be worth more then the money and if its not, then so be it.

Your father told you to your face that he was splitting equally, did your sister coerce him to change his mind in some way? When was the will drawn up? Was your dad ill then? In sound mind?

I agree with the others, I would contest the will if the attorney feels you can. This happened to my family in another way. My uncle had cancer and one of my cousins became his caretaker. She wouldn't let us visit him because she told us he didn't want company. Well you can guess what happened. He gave every penny of his wealth to her and her alone. His daughter got nothing and either did his SO. We all feel that she coerced him into doing this because it made no sense. So she sits happy with 3 million dollars of property, income and more and his daughter got nothing. Still hard to believe.

I am in the states though, and it is very hard to contest a will here. His SO tried to do it and she got nothing even though she lived with him for over 6 years. Its pretty sad, but this happens all the time.

I wish you the best and hope you do get what your dad promised you.

See your lawyer. Seems wills in Canada aren't worth the paper they are written on if someone contests. You relationship with your sister should be worth more then the money and if its not, then so be it.

 

Your father told you to your face that he was splitting equally, did your sister coerce him to change his mind in some way? When was the will drawn up? Was your dad ill then? In sound mind?

The will should arrive this morning. Much will depend on when it's dated.

In the past, I have stated to my sister that I wasn't interested in any squabble over the house. She has stated that she wants the house and I accept that dad actually wanted her to have it, as she was most financially able to keep it up.

My feelings are hurt that his insurance, all his investments and 75% of his liquid assets went to her, and my portion seems very "token".

Even if I did counter, I would ask for only 33% of his liquid assets, because I'm one of three children. I wish I didn't feel this way. I've been fighting it for a week.

The house is worth approx. $600,000. I suspect your lawyer will encourage you to contest the will and the house would be included in his assets to be split between you and her or you and her and your brother. The possibility certainly exists that she influenced him but if he had a good lawyer, that lawyer would have full notes on your father's explanation as to why your father chose to divvy up his assets the way your sister says he has in order to have a better leg to stand on should you and your brother contest.

Yes, the date of the will or any codicils is important. Good luck and let us know what your lawyer thinks.

Often token amounts are specifically put in to create a loophole against contesting the will. It proves that the will is not mistaken or coerced and that the "token" heirs where not inadvertently forgotten and that the testator was not unduly influenced to cut them out.

Some wills and trusts include "no-contest" clauses that actually disinherit heirs who attempt to challenge the documents. No-contest clauses can be a good idea if you plan to give to your heirs unequally, because heirs who feel shortchanged might hesitate to dispute if it could mean losing everything.

Excellent you are seeing a lawyer who can help advise you if contesting it will yield anything, especially since estate attorneys are not cheap.

The will should arrive this morning. my portion seems very "token".

I agree with getting a lawyer. Did he have a formal, notarized will? I'm not sure that 84/8/8 sounds like a proper division, was he forced to sign this will? I don't think that your sister can pull off her plan, I would not sign anything.

I am very sorry for your loss.

The house is worth approx. $600,000. I suspect your lawyer will encourage you to contest the will and the house would be included in his assets to be split between you and her or you and her and your brother. The possibility certainly exists that she influenced him but if he had a good lawyer, that lawyer would have full notes on your father's explanation as to why your father chose to divvy up his assets the way your sister says he has in order to have a better leg to stand on should you and your brother contest.

 

Yes, the date of the will or any codicils is important. Good luck and let us know what your lawyer thinks.

I would like ask her if there were any notes of explanation, but discovered in my reading that even if there were, it wouldn't come out until we were in court.

Unfortunately, I don't have the funds for a retainer.

Often token amounts are specifically put in to create a loophole against contesting the will. It proves that the will is not mistaken or coerced and that the "token" heirs where not inadvertently forgotten and that the testator was not unduly influenced to cut them out.

 

Some wills and trusts include "no-contest" clauses that actually disinherit heirs who attempt to challenge the documents. No-contest clauses can be a good idea if you plan to give to your heirs unequally, because heirs who feel shortchanged might hesitate to dispute if it could mean losing everything.

 

Excellent you are seeing a lawyer who can help advise you if contesting it will yield anything, especially since estate attorneys are not cheap.

In British Columbia, no contest clauses can be set aside if there is compelling reason to bring an action.

I don't believe he was unduly coerced, but I think it has more to do with

1. My lack of visits since 2002 (he knew that I couldn't afford the travel)

2. My adoptee status

3. My native heritage

He was difficult to get close to and I didn't envy my sister as she cared for him - she deserves a lot. I torn as to whether I have it in me to fight.

She feels guilty and has offered to write additional cheques of $5,000 to each of my kids, however I know that her children will benefit from more than $25, 000 each.

I agree with getting a lawyer. Did he have a formal, notarized will? I'm not sure that 84/8/8 sounds like a proper division, was he forced to sign this will? I don't think that your sister can pull off her plan, I would not sign anything.

 

I am very sorry for your loss.

It does seem like a "plan" and that hurts me as well. She's fully aware of the financial hardship I have faced since being widowed as well as my feeling that dad favored her over me due to her social standing and genetic tie. I spent years trying to form a relationship with him, but he always preferred the company of our husbands.

Thank you for all the condolences. I will miss my dad, even though everything was complicated.

Is she the executor?

She feels guilty and has offered to write additional cheques of $5,000 to each of my kids

Is she the executor?

Yes, she had Enduring Power of attorney while he was alive.

They added her name to the house deed through estate planning. Now she has just to remove his name and pay the taxes.

I believe she wants the bulk of his liquid assets in order to pay the taxes, do a renovation and then maintain the house, without cutting into their travel budget.

Edited to add that the money for my children would come from her portion.

This doesn't seem right. I hope you do pursue this. Don't worry about becoming estranged with your sister over challenging the Will, she doesn't sound like a nice person at all and neither does her daughter. To hell with them.

I went through a similar situation. I handled it by threatening to get lawyers involved and they all backed off. All I can say is fight for what's yours and if you dad said he divided it equally among you all then something fishy happened in between. Get a lawyer asap and go over the legal documents and what you can do. Don't take those checks from your sister she is trying to pay you off.

The thing is if you do fight it and go to court, a lot of the money will go to the lawyers. (My friend works in legal office and it was a $1million case between two brothers and they only got like $18k each at the end, rest went to lawyers)

Good luck and sorry about your loss.

Yikes. That means she made all his financial and legal decisions prior to his death, which included putting things in her name.

Yes, she had Enduring Power of attorney while he was alive

This doesn't seem right. I hope you do pursue this. Don't worry about becoming estranged with your sister over challenging the Will, she doesn't sound like a nice person at all and neither does her daughter. To hell with them.

My adult daughter has been excluded from events held for her cousins in the past. In fact, my sister has only really been back in our lives since mum came to live with me, and my daughter says "just sign, mum. Take comfort knowing that you'd have done it differently. We have different priorities than they do."

But it feels like a slap in the face.

I'd wait until you have the will in hand. I guarantee there would be no shortage of lawyers willing to line up for a free consult. A lot of money to be made for them. Get a couple opinions. They'll have a much better idea than us as to whether it's monetarily worth severing a bunch of ties with your family.

While white guys born and raise in the 20s and 30s being racist aren't exactly unicorns, and you know him much better than any of us, but you'd definitely burn some bridges essentially calling him a racist before his body's even gone cold. I'd treat lightly, especially if, pragmatically speaking, whether or not you receive more of a share or allowance in the future depends on you and your sister not having bad blood between each other.

But take my advice as you will. Between my mother and father both, I might get $100 total in inheritance plus the value of the jar it was stored in, so it's not really a problem I can relate to.

Yikes. That means she made all his financial and legal decisions prior to his death, which included putting things in her name.

Yep.

I'm not upset about the house, insurance or investments (all outside scope of will as she is named beneficiary)

It's his disproportionate distribution of liquid assets that has me wondering if I was ever considered his child in the first place.

I'd wait until you have the will in hand. I guarantee there would be no shortage of lawyers willing to line up for a free consult. Get a coupe opinions. They'll have a much better idea than us.

 

While white guys born and raise in the 20s and 30s being racist aren't exactly unicorns, and you know him much better than any of us, but you'd definitely burn some bridges essentially calling him a racist before his body's even gone cold. I'd treat lightly, especially if, pragmatically speaking, whether or not you receive more of a share or allowance in the future depends on you and your sister not having bad blood between each other.

 

But take my advice as you will. Between my mother and father both, I might get $100 total in inheritance plus the value of the jar it was stored in, so it's not really a problem I can relate to.

I know.

My father in law passed last year, and his family pulled together. There was no estate.

Any gift is a blessing and I am grateful.

I wish I didn't feel this way.

I'm hoping that my sister will not make me go to court once I have my legal ducks in a row.

This is the way I see wills and material inheritance: It is a gift, icing on the cake, not an entitlement. The owner had every right to decide what to do with their assets. I can't decide for anyone what they should have done, how they should distribute their things. I don't know what their thinking is or was, nor do I ever expect an inheritance from anyone. I do not see it as something I'd want to fight with family over.

You said " I was so upset that my sister didn't want to honour dad's wishes" and now I think, in this case, you can honor your father's wishes on this, too. Be careful about having a double standard regarding your father's wishes.

This is the way I see wills and material inheritance: It is a gift, icing on the cake, not an entitlement. The owner had every right to decide what to do with their assets. I can't decide for anyone what they should have done, how they should distribute their things. I don't know what their thinking is or was, nor do I ever expect an inheritance from anyone. I do not see it as something I'd want to fight with family over.

 

You said " I was so upset that my sister didn't want to honour dad's wishes" and now I think, in this case, you can honor your father's wishes on this, too. Be careful about having a double standard regarding your father's wishes.

Us kids have always been careful not to upset dad about his will. Three generations back the same thing happened to 5 brothers and it divided the family forever. It's a story that was often told. The "poor" side of the family had also "mixed with natives" until barely any white survived. My father was from the side that kept the money.

In 1974, after my parents separated, my dad asked my mum to sign over her half of the land ( later sold for 1.4 million ) She did so after he promised verbally to split her half up and divide it equally amongst the three kids.

Even if he didn't mean for it to happen, I always wondered if he'd favour my natural born sister over my brother and I (which is actionable in British Columbia.)

My sister says he always planned an equal distribution. Two years ago he said this to me face to face.

Every financial gift that he ever made was done equally.

It's too late to find out what his actual thoughts or wishes were. If it's because I'm adopted or native there are options. If she coerced him there are options.

I guess I don't want to accept that he would be so hurtful or unfair.

Just a thought.. Perhaps there is more to it that you don't know. Perhaps there are debts, or other complications your sister is having to handle.

I don't know, but sometimes there is more to the story.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Yikes. That means she made all his financial and legal decisions prior to his death, which included putting things in her name.

It could be nefarious however Its not uncommon in Canada to put a trusted adult child's name on a deed to an elderly parents home to avoid probate taxes and probate waiting time periods before the home can be sold.