hot -> cold. [gay relationship]

I’m dating someone I believe is very special. We officially started dating 6 weeks ago. Initially, everything was wonderful, but things have slowly turned south (at least for me) and I’m wondering what to do.

I’m 34, I’ve been in 2 long term relationships (5 yrs and 7 yrs). I met someone that I believe is everything I’ve ever wanted:

. Extremely intelligent

. Responsible and stable

. Adventurous and spontaneous

. Extremely attractive — my type, which is a little bit of weight, pale skin, nice eyes, and a nerdy laugh

. Educated/completed law school

. From a small town and a bit of a rural state of mind

He’s 31, has been in 1 long term relationship in which he said they only had sex 3 times. He said he’s never been this interested in anyone and sees me as a chance for him to be happy.

I am 34, and:

. Also very intelligent (although he is more intelligent)

. Mostly in shape and physically attractive (everyone has their types though)

. Very well established in my career with a very comfortable income and net worth

. Emotionally available, caring, affectionate, accommodating

. Extremely sexual but monogamous

. Sometimes funny.

Things have become kind of cold though. I just need to vent all of this.

I feel like: (and I may tell him this soon)

. You only want a relationship because you don’t want to be lonely

. You only like me because of how I make you feel, but only when you want to feel that way

. You really don’t have any idea why you like me.

. I have to ask you permission to be affectionate, because if I am affectionate at the wrong time it just irritates you (and you tell me so)

. Usually the answer is no, and when I ask at the wrong time it is also irritating to you

. I can’t ask you for affection. It’s just not even an option.

. I will always have to be the one to initiate sex

. Somehow most times when I initiate sex, it’s not the right time and you’re not interested.

. I’ve told you about everything that I like sexually, in detail, but you’re not really interested in trying to please me.

. It is up to me to figure out what you really like, sexually. I have to guess and get rejected most of the time.

. You’re not actually attracted to me physically, even though you’ve said otherwise

. You’re trying to tease me by repeatedly telling about your sex with random men, but you’re not willing or interested in doing more things with me

. I can’t talk to you about any of this because you get frustrated and don’t want to talk about it.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Perhaps a break, perhaps I’m coming on too strong. I just see so much potential between us for the future, and maybe I’m just being too impatient. 6 weeks isn’t very long at all.

Thoughts?

Not a good match. If you need to question things during the dating phase. It's not worth it. Find somebody else.

I don't think I've ever been this attracted to or interested in anyone in my life though. That's what makes me want to figure out if it can be worked through.

His personality isn't going to change ever.

But, I don't know if it's personality. He told me before that he has a lot of anxieties and insecurities about being with the same person for a long time.

And my personality has changed over the years. But I guess that's because I wanted it to.

He was in a long term relationship and only had sex 3 times. That should tell you everything you need to know - he doesn't have a sex drive (and you can't change or fix that), he is not affectionate by nature and doesn't desire it, except on his terms on occasion. In addition, he has clearly demonstrated to you that he doesn't care to take care of your needs. Your needs irritate him. No matter how attracted you feel, time to exit this mess stage left. Sorry, but please don't let this drag on where you get more invested with someone who has....issues....he is not willing or interested in fixing.

On paper this guy reads well. But in real life he isn't giving you what you need - especially in the affection/sex department. Not good as these are very critical parts of a relationship. The best you can do is dump all that you are feeling at his feet. He will either try to work with you - or leave. Or perhaps he will stick around and frustrate you some more. Don't let him do this to you - no matter how great his pedigree is. I understand your frustration - as I have experienced this too. Don't allow yourself to be marginalized or settle for whatever crumbs he throws you. If he doesn't step up after your talk - I would get out sooner than later so the pain is minimized.

Resentment towards an ex (lesbian relationship)

My ex and I broke up, that is what she wanted. She wanted to keep as an option. Like a fool I stay friends with her 8 months after week broke up. What makes me so upset is I feel like this person never loved me. Its no way she could have. The reason I say this is because through the summer while she was busy keeping her options open she ask me for 200 bucks and I gave it to her. I'm so pissed that I let her treat me this way. The lack of respect she had for me. I allowed this person to walked all over me. In the summer we were hanging out I heard at the table saying her boo or babe. She drove me around in the car of the dude she was messing with. The girl I was dealing with was dealing was with men as well. I never been with a person that hurt me so bad. This person I treated with nothing but kindness, love and respect. I gave this girl everything. I even gave her a lot of money to help her out. I'm not saying I want it back. I finally cut contact in August. I block her number, block her from everything. After using me all summer she hit me up to say she wanted to return money to me. I told her to keep it all. I wish I could just tell her how bad she hurt me but I don't think she cares. I hit her up in September I was facebook stalker her I found her talking to a guy. I gave this close to 6,000 bucks. Took her on trips and treat her nicely. The dude was offering danish and coffee. I was so hurt hit her up, all she said I might be bisexual. The she wrote me this letter saying she was sorry for hurting me. Closing the chapter on us all via email. This day I pissed about it and I hate her guts for all this she put me through.

He was in a long term relationship and only had sex 3 times. That should tell you everything you need to know - he doesn't have a sex drive (and you can't change or fix that), he is not affectionate by nature and doesn't desire it, except on his terms on occasion. In addition, he has clearly demonstrated to you that he doesn't care to take care of your needs. Your needs irritate him. No matter how attracted you feel, time to exit this mess stage left. Sorry, but please don't let this drag on where you get more invested with someone who has....issues....he is not willing or interested in fixing.

He does seem to have some sex drive though, he said it happens about once a month (lol) and he's often just hooked up with random guys because he doesn't have to worry about seeing them again. (not when he was in the relationship though)

He's also been -extremely- physically affectionate, but only when he feels like it.

I think I might just be putting too much pressure on this. 6 weeks in. I also develop attachment very quickly. We've talked about that too, he said it takes him weeks or months.

Maybe, just maybe, I'm being too needy. Last night, he made me dinner, took me to a movie, initiated sex.

On paper this guy reads well. But in real life he isn't giving you what you need - especially in the affection/sex department. Not good as these are very critical parts of a relationship. The best you can do is dump all that you are feeling at his feet. He will either try to work with you - or leave. Or perhaps he will stick around and frustrate you some more. Don't let him do this to you - no matter how great his pedigree is. I understand your frustration - as I have experienced this too. Don't allow yourself to be marginalized or settle for whatever crumbs he throws you. If he doesn't step up after your talk - I would get out sooner than later so the pain is minimized.

I think I'm going to take this approach for a while. When he's felt like it, he has been -extremely- affectionate, and the sex has been the best I've ever had or even imagined. That's why I'm trying to be flexible.

We're heading to orlando for my birthday in 2 weeks, I'll see how he responds to me on that trip.

I think I'll keep venting here for a while though, as needed eventually narrow it down to exactly what I want to say, if there is anything that is specifically consistent.

OK I understand. I have gone back and forth in relationships as well. I wish you all the best.

I don't think I've ever been this attracted to or interested in anyone in my life though. That's what makes me want to figure out if it can be worked through.

Your strong feeling of attraction towards him will not change his basic personality traits. He definitely has issues to deal with and he will only drag you down with his issues.I would suggest you to get out of this now before it turns into a complete mess.