10 year old and still cranky. HELP!

Please help me. I have an almost 10 yo boy. He is very good in school, and has no problem at all with his marks. He is very sensitive kid, like he cries after saw a dead bird, my 1:1 size dog toy incidentally amputated by me, listening my high pitch voice when i mad, etc. But since i these 4 months or so, the crying has been worse and it happened in school, all the cries. The causes are very simple like he forgot What paragraph means, his friend tricked him, fell asleep in classroom, etc. He is in a very conducive class for bright kid with 4 kids in a classroom, but soon he will join in a regular class after he reaches 6th grader in some months.

Please advice me what i should do about it. I've been trying everything i could think such as talking heart to heart, making promise, scolding, praising if he doesn't cry, punishing, etc.

Have a conference with his teachers and discuss whether he is being bullied or if he is getting enough sleep/rest at home or has a health problem.

Punishing and scolding him for crying is horrible, especially since you haven't bothered to look into things appropriately. You need to find out what is really going on and not dismiss his friends 'playing tricks on him' or serious issues like falling asleep in class.

Amazing you haven't brought him for a checkup to look into the sleep problem or spoken to a teacher about the bullying. crying has been worse and it happened in school, all the cries. The causes are very simple like his friend tricked him, fell asleep in classroom, etc. I've been trying everything i could think such as scolding, praising if he doesn't cry, punishing, etc.

This sounds like either a bullying issue or he's got something else going on, or maybe just maybe he is simply an uber-sensitive kid who needs help in learning how to process emotions, the negative as well as the positive. I was extremely sensitive as a child, I was also being bullied a lot in school, because I was very different - aka artist who was rescuing animals before that was considered a cool thing to do - and reading at levels far above that of my classmates. I was also bored out of my mind in school.

It's not going to help punishing him, this just reinforces to him that there is something wrong with him. Plus as a former person who would cry a lot I am just going to be blunt and tell you that you cannot control tears. You may as well be punishing him for breathing, he has about that much control over it. And in all truth, there may be but there may not be beyond the fact he needs help learning to process his emotions and how to rechannel those negative ones into a healthy response instead.

Regardless, get him to the doctor. The sleeping in class is a negative sign that something is wrong, but also look into programs that may help him learn to process his feelings better, look up therapists who might work with bright, very empathic children, and just sit and talk to him or get another adult he trusts if you can to talk to him.

And yes, right here and right now I'm going to own this, it may be time to do a little supervision of what is on his computer and phones as well as if he is being bullied in school. Put on your detective, defender hat and find out what is causing this, because sure he's probably ultra-sensitive. But some of what you describe can be other things going on too so look into that.

Go into his school and meet with his teachers and principal. And do not, for the love of everything, let them tell you it is "just a phase" or that "bullying is a rite of passage" or any other crap. If they admit there's bullying you grab their feet and hold them to the fire and raise living heck, because it's not okay or acceptable for school personnel to give anyone a "pass" on that and it happens way too often. I have had to become the terror mom that no one wants to see coming over that, because I have zero tolerance and firmly but without ever backing down told every single adult educator they needed to do their jobs and squash any bullying they see, period. End of story.

Barring all that, it may be time to look at alternative education options too. Some kids simply do not thrive well in a public school environment while others do. My middle son didn't and ended up doing an online school while I took him to clubs and activities to make friends, my youngest and oldest boys both thrived in public school instead. So it really does depend on the kid too.

You would do well to see a child psychiatrist. Your school (depending what country you are living in I suppose) would be very helpful in getting him started on that. If the school doesn't do such arrangements then your family doctor is the next step. Don't waste time trying to figure our how to help him yourself. The best thing you could do for him is get him someone to talk to that will help him to cope better.

This kind of compulsive constant crying is not normal for his age. First schedule an appointment with a gp and get a full physical done. Make sure nothing is wrong/malfunctioning physically such as thyroid, adrenal glands, vitamin/mineral deficiency, etc, etc, etc. There are literally a 1001 things that could be the underlying cause for his behavior. If nothing physical found, seek help from a child psychiatrist.

I have made sure that this is not about him being bullied in school. I've talked with the school and psychologist as well. We've solved the introvert issues, now he is telling me the reason he cries or other school stories. he said that he couldn't restrain whenever he wants to cry. I've told him that his cries can annoy his friend or made them feels guilty. Once more, i've made sure and did the investigation thoroughly with the school that it is not about bullying. He is good in piano and did some performances in school and mal, he has a lot of girl fans. He is joining a math olympiade selection and wushu, he got it these last two years, he has a lot of friends. He said he loves his school very much.

he sleeps 8 hours a day, very active, strong, focus, discipline, have a perfect self-esteem, laugh a lot, kind, all is perfect. I've told him to think about Fur Elise song, his favourite, whenever he wants to cry. This is working sometimes. Once the tear comes, it unstopable. The punishment is not that hard. I forbid him to play his favourite game for a night. Only something like that. But the cries.... really makes me want to cry

Please tell his teachers and doctors you are punishing him for crying because it annoys you and makes you feel bad.

The punishment is not that hard. I forbid him to play his favourite game for a night. Only something like that. But the cries.... really makes me want to cry

I've asked him why these 4 months he cries a lot and he answered that he doesn't like i am going out of town and away from him. My job needs me to travel 3 days every week and my ex-husband and he lives with my ex-husband every time i travel. He said he better lives with me, but living with his father is no a problem. My ex husband is very kind to him, etc. But most of his cries happened while i travel indeed. Most, not all.

Stop punishing him because of your divorce and custody issues.

I've asked him why these 4 months he cries a lot and he answered that he doesn't like i am going out of town and away from him. My job needs me to travel 3 days every week and my ex-husband and he lives with my ex-husband every time i travel. He said he better lives with me, but living with his father is no a problem. My ex husband is very kind to him, etc. But most of his cries happened while i travel indeed. Most, not all.

Please tell his teachers and doctors you are punishing him for crying because it annoys you and makes you feel bad.

I will. I give the punishment only to see does it work or not. I've tried the reward, it doesn't work out. Fyi, he cries only in school for very simple reason like feels guilty because he doesn't remember what the paragraph is, his friend lied about something, etc. I am not the tiger mom as well. He achieves all his achievements without i push him. The motivations come from himself, i just asked him to be happy in doing everything. His fater Asked him the same. Outside all of his cries, he is too good to be true for me.

Unfortunately you seem to be his biggest problem.

I am not the tiger mom as well. i just asked him to be happy in doing everything.

Unfortunately you seem to be his biggest problem.

I dont understand, tell me. Please dont just judge, i need advices here. You should give me explanation by your judgement

It sounds like he suffers from a lot of anxiety . I was that kid exactly and my counsellors in the past couple years have told me that crying and older children are crying over things that most children wouldn't cry over are symptoms of severe anxiety. And that I suffered from severe anxiety as a kid . But that wasn't talked about in the 70s .

I will. I give the punishment only to see does it work or not. I've tried the reward, it doesn't work out. Fyi, he cries only in school for very simple reason like feels guilty because he doesn't remember what the paragraph is, his friend lied about something, etc. I am not the tiger mom as well. He achieves all his achievements without i push him. The motivations come from himself, i just asked him to be happy in doing everything. His fater Asked him the same. Outside all of his cries, he is too good to be true for me.

Just remember no one is happy in doing everything all the time that's unrealistic .

It sounds like he suffers from a lot of anxiety . I was that kid exactly and my counsellors in the past couple years have told me that crying and older children are crying over things that most children wouldn't cry over are symptoms of severe anxiety. And that I suffered from severe anxiety as a kid . But that wasn't talked about in the 70s .

Anxiety? Hmm. How did you cope with it?

I asked him to be happy in doing everything means i never push him to reach the best. Like in math, i said if he enjoys it, so do it for fun, for himself. As well as in piano, every subject in school, etc. He had a low mark in one subject once and he worked out by himself without i pushed him. I just commented wow, you've got a different mark on it. He has been like this since a very young age, very easy except this cry problem.

I only came to deal with it as an adult . In the 70s kids didn't have a headache never mind anxiety . At least that's what people believed. So as an adult I have had a lot of therapy which has helped a lot . I would start with your general practitioner and see if you can get your son some help.

8 hours of sleep might not be enough for him - or it may have been but he might be going through a growth spurt for example -didn't you say he fell asleep in class?

8 hours of sleep might not be enough for him - or it may have been but he might be going through a growth spurt for example -didn't you say he fell asleep in class?

Yes he fell asleep in class but not anymore. I think he was protesting against my travel every week.

Him protesting against your travel sounds exactly like anxiety . Get him help now before it becomes unmanageable .

If you travel three days a week and ALWAYS come back when scheduled, and dad is kind to him and he just doesn't "like" the arrangement, he is going to learn that you don't always get your way. Crying will NOT cause him to get his way. I could understand if his routine was erratically disrupted constantly - but its 3 days a week like clockwork.

Is there a way, if dad is not dating anyone, that the child stays in your home while you are gone and his dad comes to spend the night in your home on the days you are gone instead of him always packing up during the school week, and then when he doesn't have school, he goes to dads?

I understand what others are saying that he has anxiety, but on the other hand, he also can't be rewarded for constantly losing it. There has to be some self discipline there just a little bit. I don't think having him think of his favorite song when he cries to distract him from crying is a bad thing. If someone can visualize something in their minds when they are anxious or having some sort of a breakdown, it DOES sometimes help as a coping mechanism. ANd you are right for not wanting your child to be manipulative towards other children. Maybe telling him its okay for him to not remember a word sometimes or something else he was supposed to remember and most people do it now and then.

Thankyou all, especially @abitbroken, i am working on it now.