What is wrong with me? Self esteem issues?

I've finally decided to take a deeper look at myself and try to figure out what issues I have that keep dragging me down.

To begin with, until recently, I (and some close friends) could probably describe myself as an ambitious, creative, positive, wise, enthusiastic, self motivated dreamer, who is practical enough to make his dreams come to life. At the same time, I've been called arrogant, and am quite a shy person. It takes me a while to get adjusted and open up to new people, and sometimes I get anxious in social situations, and try to avoid them.

I could also, until recently, describe myself as one of the happiest persons on the planet. I wouldn't trade my life with any superstar, because my brain is my own, and I love the thoughts and the worlds, feelings that live within it. I believe I have the potential to be as great as anyone of them too. I'm also into the "zen" state of mind, realizing that the simple life can offer all the happiness you need, and that complete happiness can be found even in the smallest of things, like a cup of tea for instance.

I know that the secret to happiness is gratitude, ambition, being positive, passion and discipline. I have felt the heights of happiness, and euphoria, while being all by myself, maybe just riding my bike during the sunset. I also see "magic" in the everyday - my way of describing beauty in the world. It inspires me and brings me to tears, and is the reason I create art

My hobbies/ passions are making films, making music, painting, video games (and analyzing the beauty in them) and football (soccer) I've dabbled in all these fields, making films, music videos, paintings, animations, games and writing stories in an effort to express myself and my feelings about magic and beauty.

But recently I've begun to feel like to live a simple life is to give up. It's to take the easy way out. Why would you do that, live simply in a hut or a small place, when you could possibly be great, be famous? Be an inspiration and live the life? Wouldn't it be better to spend your life with an attractive woman, in a life of luxury and excitement? I know the logical answer though - no, not necessarily.

But I still can't accept it anymore. The need to prove myself, be recognized, loved, admired is getting louder and LOUDER I wouldn't be able to live that simple life without my mind saying - "Look at you. All alone, nobody loves you, and nobody cares" even though I know that people's validation shouldn't matter - I can't ignore it. I think I badly need validation and I don't know why.

I'm 24, an Architecture graduate, and after graduating mid last year and trying out my luck in films, I decided to take a job this June while trying to figure out what to do with my life (not architecture for sure) I think that's the point of time since the negativity has begun to set in. But this negativity is only a symptom of some issues I've probably had all along. And now this situation is making them come out. It's about time I took a look at them.

I also had a breakup less than a month ago, which has probably pushed my insecurities over the edge, bringing me to this state. The girl was great, very, very attractive, and I would feel proud to be seen with her. Unfortunately, she had some major issues of her own, which made her treat me in an emotionally abusive manner (which had been discussed on these and other forums a while back) As the situation began to get out of hand, I had to let the relationship go. I am not completely over her yet. I find it hard to get over her attractiveness and find myself wondering if I'll find anyone as attractive as her again. Shallow, I know. Also, the good memories haunt me (for some reason I'm not allowed to post URLs here, id link the thread here otherwise)

As I was saying, I've probably had some issues all along, and it's time to look at them.

The issues -

1. The need to accomplish something GREAT -

This part scares me, if I am right about it, because it could mean that I'll never settle down in life as I'll always keep pursuing "greatness". First I tried becoming a filmmaker - It was epic enough an idea to satisfy me, and I was good at it. But, I hated the work in the industry and the lifestyle that comes with it. Now I've been working on a video game and I dream of becoming a world famous indie game developer. I'd even be happy with mediocre success that lands me a job in another country. But even doing that and escaping my current life is pretty epic in comparison to my current life.

Even when I'm playing football, I always go for the spectacular - I've always been known for it. I pull off crazy stuff sometimes, but most other times I mess up. This makes me avoid getting involved in the game and asking for the ball - I'm not confident with it.

I never listened in school (which is not a bad thing though) I've always wanted to do something great and different - photography, being in a band, films, working from home, I can't be satisfied with the usual life

The danger is - what if the video game, for instance, being great is only in my head, and upon releasing it it gets as much attention (zero) like most of my other work? I would be broke and have no direction in my life.

2. Feeling accomplishments or a great girlfriend are required for validation -

I recently broke up with my girlfriend after being with her for 4 months, which is adding to my feelings of low self worth. I'm terrified that I'll never get anyone as great as her again, and especially as attractive as her. Before her, I was in a 4 year relationship. During both of these, I felt at peace about my self image, even if we didn't meet often.

I could be doing something useless/ wasting my time/ not being great, but hey, at least I had the greatest girlfriend imaginable right? That was the thought process that kept me happy (despite the fact that I actually loved them as well, it wasn't just about me, but it helped)

If not that, I feel that maybe if I was someone great, someone famous, then I could be at peace and not look at myself and judge myself harshly. Even if not great and famous, if I was just doing great financially and had money sorted through work of my own, I wouldn't look down upon myself and could just enjoy my life

3. Not being satisfied with/ not allowing myself to enjoy small victories/ happiness/ pleasures

This ties in to the previous point. From the past few months, I haven't done things like play video games, watch TV, or any other thing which society may perceive as useless. I can't just sit back and relax for the fear of my inner critic looking at me and making me feel terrible about my life. Therefore, I spend all my time working on projects or at least sitting with them, just so I feel my life is not a failure.

I feel I shouldn't just be a fan watching football games, and that my life is worthless until I am actually one of those sportsmen, or someone who's equally successful in another field, until I can allow myself to completely enjoy watching them play and not feel pathetic about myself.

I used to love spending a couple of hours playing immersive video games with great stories that could move me like a great movie, but if I do that now I feel guilty and sick.

I used to love coming home in the weekends and sitting by myself and working on my projects, but now, when mom tells me to do stuff like fill water for dinner, I feel like a big loser.

If I think about it, my ex, whose loss makes me feel pathetic, must also probably be up to these mundane things as well, so why should I feel any lesser for doing things of this sort?

4. Feeling paranoid, like everyone talks behind my back/ laughs at me

This happens to me in most of my social circles. (and is not a very common occurrence, it's somewhat rare) While i'm sure it's true to some degree due to me always being a little different, aloof, having a different opinion about things, sometimes I over think it's existence which in turn makes me act more timidly in front of people - which may actually result in them talking about me.

5. Actually not achieving anything, just becoming a bundle of "potential"

As I said, I've created paintings, music, animations, animated paintings, short films, music videos, video games, blogs, and NONE of them have gotten recognized anywhere or become successful. Some of my friends (and also a few unknown people) have commented on how great some of those things are, and how the world needs to see them.

But till now, NONE of those things have received any attention brought me any success. I keep sitting by myself creating stuff, but it has gone nowhere, for about the last 6-10 years I've been doing different things.

All I have is potential, but apart from that on the surface, I look like a failure.

6. Not receiving any praise, motivation, being shown faith in - resulting in frustration

This speaks more about the previous point. All the work I have done has rarely received any attention. But apart from that, I feel like it has been a long time since a friend has shown any faith in me, or praised me or just called me awesome (This is where a lover becomes so crucial to my life, as they obviously do those things)

But even apart from that, I've not received a pat on the back and been given an emotional boost through a compliment in a long time.

7. Not being able to complete tasks -

This is a more recent one. I have about 4 self improvement books all read halfway. Before those I'd been through a couple of books and enjoyed them. I've been unable to do any more of my paintings, and have been mostly just making more to-do lists and watching a lot of Youtube.

So, what psychological issues, if any, do you think I have? Too much ego/ arrogance? (what could be the source of that?) low self esteem? Why do I need so much validation? Is it some vicious circle that I keep creating for myself? Or is it just a weird phase of life where ambition and reality are coming to a head?

I'd really appreciate your help, and I thank you for reading all the way through!

Yes, you seem to need a lot of validation from external sources. It's like a noise in your mind, drowning out all other motivation. Six of the seven issues that you list above are restatements of this same issue. The source of it could be the intense media culture that we are surrounded by. Everything is presented as spectacular so normal isn't good enough.

As far as the ex-girlfriend issues are concerned, maybe try to make yourself proud. You shouldn't do things just to satisfy the future girlfriends or wives. You should do things that make you happy. Try repeating positive affirmations to yourself. Truth to be told, a lot of us depend on validation too. I myself feel that way too. Have a good set of friends and family members.

Thanks for your response! What do you think would be a solution for it? I'm thinking of getting the book Six pillars of self esteem. Do you think there are any other psychological issues that might be involved here?

Thanks! Yeah my friends part has been suffering, as I've lately had to deal with meeting the good ones lesser, and the negative/ y ones more.

wow...there is a lot to read there. im going to try and respond though because i find you very interesting! lol

ok... i was struck by reading this because i am 44 and asking myself these questions. i went to a retreat yesterday and so much of what you talk about came up and there were just a handful of people in the room. i think you show a lot of self reflection and questioning that normally doesnt come to people until they're much older, so good for you!

so... to get back to your points, this is my opinion.

1. you are ambitious. there is nothing bad in this. its good to try and achieve greatness, as long as that isnt the only way you can feel good about yourself, but i dont think it would be. we only ever achieve things by failing first... we have to learn that failure isnt a bad thing and it is just there to help us learn. some people just have this drive to succeed, to do better. that is a good motivator to keep trying to be better and is probably why you have such an enquiring mind.

2. you recognise that you may be placing value on superficial things. you are a bit of a puzzle, because on the one hand you talk about a simple life of peace, and on the other you talk about good looks and wealth being important. its interesting that you have both ideas because most people only have one. where do you get these from? Typically western society is all about wealth, material goods, looks etc... that is how western society places value on us. again generally speaking Eastern philosophy is somewhat different placing value on the person, community, simple life etc.

it can be hard to life a simplistic life if you have grown up with the idea that a persons value is based on their job, wealth, good looks etc. People have ditched this materialistic life for simplier lives, eg. Buddha, Ghandi, so they must have had similar internal conflicts all those years ago.

breaking up with your girlfriend always will cause you to be more self critical we all do that. but if you broke up and thought 'thats ok, ill find someone just as good as you next time around' you'd probably question that too right? when you're with someone you care about or fancy etc its natural to put them on a bit of a pedestal. one of my ex boyfriends was physically gorgeous but id never go back out with him because he was not a kind person.

3. you said it... you are you own harsh critic... you, and only you, are putting these expectatons on yourself. whats wrong with relaxing? dont we all need to do that? what have you failed at? if you judge your whole life by the end result then arent you forgetting about all the good experiences in between... on the way to getting there? you are setting yourself up for failure, because you are saying to yourself 'i am only worthy when im ???' why? is that how you see others? is your mum not worthy, not a good person? you are very focussed on what you are not, rather than what you are.

4. i think this comes from 3. when you judge others you will also judge yourself, and vice versa. if everyone is only ever worthy of being 'good' when they are a rocket scientist, movie star, or president... then pretty much all of us fall into the 'not worthy' category. Personally I value qualities in others rather than achievements. in actual fact i get put off in a second when someone starts talking about the car they drive or how much money they have, because to me, they have it all wrong. the other part is that if you can't accept yourself as being worthy, how will you expect others to accept you?.. all the time you are with them you may be thinking 'i bet they think this or they must think that' because YOU are thinking those things.

5. again because your measuring yourself on the end result. did you do these things because you enjoyed them? did you learn from doing them? did you express yourself through art? if the answer to those is 'no, i just did it for the money' then you need to do something else that is purely about obtaining money...but ask yourself 'when will enough money mean i can be happy with myself?' there are plenty of people with wealth and fame that dont like themselves and still feel unhappy... just look at the suicides and depression in famous people.

6.perhaps you are needing it more and more? sure it is nice to be recognised but you cannot do things for the sole intention of being recognised for it. people wise up to it. the other day a very attractive guy at the gym was fishing for compliments... i deliberately didnt give them to him for that reason. i told him yes he is attractive and has a fit body... but thats all i was gonna say, i wasnt gonna carry on and on, which is what he needed. he needs to develop that confidence from within himself or it wont matter how many women tell him, he'd never believe it anyway, and the minute they dont tell him, he'd panic, thinking he'd turned to blubber overnight, which of course is crazy!

7. hmmm, i do that too. not finish things. i think maybe you are not relaxing, searching for a quick fix, in too much of a hurry. i find i finish things when my mind is calm, and equally, finishing things helps my mind feel calm.

i found a lot of wisdom in Buddhist philosophy, there are many vidoes on you tube for that. Also the ancient indian scriptures offer a lot of wisdom in finding peace and happiness. Also on you tube there are vdeos on the 'self', 'self actualisation'... but if youre looking for how to make money, you might need to look at something else because while it is nice to make money, it alone wont bring you happiness imo.

Thank you for taking the time out for giving such a detailed response! Reading through it really helped me put things in the right places in my mind. Your response also managed to give me some faith in myself, so thank you for that.

2. It's true, I have a conflict of both the philophies - simplicity and materialism. This is probably because I've tried to keep an open mind. Originally, I was drawn to the eastern way of thought, reading books about Buddhism when I was about 16. I immersed myself in those thoughts (I still like getting involved in all that) and it shaped me a lot. But as I got into college and everything I saw the world around me focussing on different things. First I laughed at them for focussing on superficial things, but then I began to doubt myself. Eventually I felt that as I grow older, I might miss out on this phase of life, and regret missing out on these days of youth when I'm older and can't do it anymore. (which is not a wrong point actually, it makes sense) Not wanting to regret not living life, I let the other side in my head. It helped though, I've become more confident and I have more experiences that make me wiser in the real world, not just in the inner world.

BTW, she was physically gorgeous too, but also an emotional strain, so I know I wouldn't be with her for long anyway. That thought helps me cope - if I had still been with her, how long would I have wanted it to last?

3, 4. You're right, I've been looking at everyone else and trying to tell myself the same things - no one I know is famous or anything, many have it so much worse than me, but they seem to be carrying on. I should keep that in mind. On the other hand, I AM a little critical of the people I know that don't really do anything productive with their lives, often trying to inspire them to follow their passions and hobbies. At others I look at them and tell myself - "see? You're not that bad, at least you do something worthwhile with your time!" - This is negative too though, comparing myself to others.

5. No I never did any of these things for money, in fact most people tell me that I should have done more to market myself. I did them for the flow experience, for that magical feeling I described earlier, just for feeling beautiful while doing it. Only, recently (after graduating) the thought of money entered my head and I began pressurizing myself about it. The thought that "the time for experimentation and dabbling around is over - get recognized for it, go one step further" entered my head. It's like a tough coach in my head telling me it's not good enough and I shouldn't be satisfied - I need to get big.

6. No I have just felt, looking back and analyzing my interactions, that I've not recieved any positive words of encouragement from a while - the amount that everyone needs. It's a weird time, I get to see friends lesser, and my close friends have moved away. Maybe that's a factor and it's a temporary phase.

No, I am not looking only for money, but this phase of after graduating money has become much more important, and I'm getting used to this new phase. I used to feel earlier, having felt the flow states often and being at peace with myself, that I was close to tackling the challenge of self actualization - that I was pretty close to it. Now recently, I've felt that Iv'e gone a 100 steps back in that aspect. But maybe it's not that I've gone back, it's just that the difficulty levels, the challenge has been increased, maybe I've just entered a new level and I'm at the beginning of it.

It sounds like dissatisfaction with my job coupled with a breakup (temporary) and my general social anxiety and low self esteem (long term issues) has shaken me up a bit. If I work on my long term issues, I should be able to get better.

Thank you for helping me understand all this!

Thanks for your response! What do you think would be a solution for it? I'm thinking of getting the book Six pillars of self esteem. Do you think there are any other psychological issues that might be involved here?

I'm no psychologist, but I don't see it as a psychological problem. It's more like the zeitgeist of our time to be so preoccupied with appearances. It strikes me that you're dismissive of zen, because that's the sort of practice that I think would be a good counter to so much mind-noise. No multitasking, just being present in the moment and completely detached from the outcome.

I decided to take a job this June [...] I think that's the point of time since the negativity has begun to set in.

What kind of job? Is it the first time you've worked? Are you still working there?

Well as I'd said, I'm not dismissive of it, but I do start doubting myself about it

Well it's a 9-5 type job in an Architectural firm (which is what I'd majored in) I didn't have any intentions to take up a job in the field as I'd realized early on that I wouldn't enjoy the profession. I did like the education and that has been helpful in defining my artistic self.

You might say this is the first real job I've worked in, before this I'd only done an internship in a firm during college for a few months, and after graduating I'd worked on a TV show set as an unpaid Asst Director. Yes, I'm still working there (has been 6 months now) and I'd taken this job so that I could get a taste of the "real world adult life" while at the same time figure out exactly what I should do with my future in the safety of something normal like a job. I'd joined with the plan of working there for one year while I figure out my future plans.

In this period, I've started a small online Tshirt design thing (which didn't really kick off but gets me a bit of pocket money every so often), and had a bit of a revelation that I should combine my passion for films and video games into crowdfunding my own indie video game. I've been working on that now for a couple of months and that does look like the real deal.

What kind of job? Is it the first time you've worked? Are you still working there?

Well it's a 9-5 type job in an Architectural firm (which is what I'd majored in) I didn't have any intentions to take up a job in the field as I'd realized early on that I wouldn't enjoy the profession. I did like the education and that has been helpful in defining my artistic self.

 

You might say this is the first real job I've worked in, before this I'd only done an internship in a firm during college for a few months, and after graduating I'd worked on a TV show set as an unpaid Asst Director. Yes, I'm still working there (has been 6 months now) and I'd taken this job so that I could get a taste of the "real world adult life" while at the same time figure out exactly what I should do with my future in the safety of something normal like a job. I'd joined with the plan of working there for one year while I figure out my future plans.

 

In this period, I've started a small online Tshirt design thing (which didn't really kick off but gets me a bit of pocket money every so often), and had a bit of a revelation that I should combine my passion for films and video games into crowdfunding my own indie video game. I've been working on that now for a couple of months and that does look like the real deal.

Your wrote:

I decided to take a job this June [...] I think that's the point of time since the negativity has begun to set in.

...and in your post above, you don't really describe your work or the environment at all.

So when you say "I think that's the point of time since the negativity has begun to set in..." you're probably right. Recognizing a need to spend at least 8 hours a day in a job you don't even care to speak about tends to squelch anyone's enthusiasm and feel like a drag. Also given your inability to concentrate and complete stuff, you might be depressed. Would you consider making an appointment with a therapist for an assessment?

Your wrote:

 

 

...and in your post above, you don't really describe your work or the environment at all.

 

So when you say "I think that's the point of time since the negativity has begun to set in..." you're probably right. Recognizing a need to spend at least 8 hours a day in a job you don't even care to speak about tends to squelch anyone's enthusiasm and feel like a drag. Also given your inability to concentrate and complete stuff, you might be depressed. Would you consider making an appointment with a therapist for an assessment?

Haha well it's mostly sitting on a computer and making architectural drawings. If there's work that I understand, and I know what to do, it feels kinda okay. Time passes by. Sometimes the work slows down and it's a lot of browsing facebook and trying to waste the hours away. It's 6 of us in the office, including the boss. One of them is a friend of mine from college days, thanks to who I'm able to keep sane in this job (I don't really click with the other employees)

As for not completing stuff and depression, I think I'll give it a little more time before considering that. December looks like it's going to be pretty eventful (sister's marriage and a trip to the himalayas where me and my friend are gonna shoot a music video), plus the current breakup scene is probably largely responsible for my mood. If I face the same problems a month into the new year, then I'll consider getting an appointment. Thanks for the input!

Sounds like a bump in the road. Your breakup is causing some depression and anxiety. Things look bleak, there's a tendency to catastrophize. Things you enjoy are no longer enjoyable. I don't want to diminish your suffering or make lite of your situation, and I'm certainly no expert. But it sounds situational. We get bumped, and we get off course. I would work at just reducing the general anxiety your'e feeling. Things will look more solvable and not so daunting when you're more at ease.

Sounds like a bump in the road. Your breakup is causing some depression and anxiety. Things look bleak, there's a tendency to catastrophize. Things you enjoy are no longer enjoyable. I don't want to diminish your suffering or make lite of your situation, and I'm certainly no expert. But it sounds situational. We get bumped, and we get off course. I would work at just reducing the general anxiety your'e feeling. Things will look more solvable and not so daunting when you're more at ease.

I agree, and while I'm not claiming that any of us can diagnose depression, a 'sounds like' just means that there are enough signs to consider a professional assessment if this doesn't seem to lift in a few weeks.

It's natural to get thrown off your 'normal' when you go through a breakup or take on new full time work that you discover isn't all that fulfilling. While there is such a thing as situational, or 'acute' depression that lifts on it's own over time, it still impacts your whole body chemistry and can, with time or severity or both, become a chronic condition.

Research online, and if you believe that you might be depressed, an assessment serves a few purposes. It can estimate the degree of a problem, ranging from dysthymia (a mild form of depression) to MDD (a major depressive disorder), and it can offer you options to consider for treatment--which doesn't necessarily need to involve drugs. If you want to pursue talk therapy, it can offer you a platform for accountability, along with tools and techniques to help you work through the time between sessions and report back what helps and what does not.

You sound like a creative and energetic person, and I hope you'll let us know how things work out for you.

I agree, and while I'm not claiming that any of us can diagnose depression, a 'sounds like' just means that there are enough signs to consider a professional assessment if this doesn't seem to lift in a few weeks.

 

It's natural to get thrown off your 'normal' when you go through a breakup or take on new full time work that you discover isn't all that fulfilling. While there is such a thing as situational, or 'acute' depression that lifts on it's own over time, it still impacts your whole body chemistry and can, with time or severity or both, become a chronic condition.

 

Research online, and if you believe that you might be depressed, an assessment serves a few purposes. It can estimate the degree of a problem, ranging from dysthymia (a mild form of depression) to MDD (a major depressive disorder), and it can offer you options to consider for treatment--which doesn't necessarily need to involve drugs. If you want to pursue talk therapy, it can offer you a platform for accountability, along with tools and techniques to help you work through the time between sessions and report back what helps and what does not.

 

You sound like a creative and energetic person, and I hope you'll let us know how things work out for you.

Sounds like a bump in the road. Your breakup is causing some depression and anxiety. Things look bleak, there's a tendency to catastrophize. Things you enjoy are no longer enjoyable. I don't want to diminish your suffering or make lite of your situation, and I'm certainly no expert. But it sounds situational. We get bumped, and we get off course. I would work at just reducing the general anxiety your'e feeling. Things will look more solvable and not so daunting when you're more at ease.

Well fortunately, things have improved (or are at least on a stable, upward curve) After discussing this topic here, I decided to check out that book (Six pillars of self esteem) I realized I was being too negative and hard on myself by, for example, not letting myself enjoy the normal things in life. I looked around and realized that everybody lives a pretty normal life, and there's nothing shameful about it. I also realized that though I haven't succeeded yet, I'm on the right path. I changed my inner voice from harsh and discouraging to supportive and encouraging when I realized the book made me realize that I was actually living a pretty decent and productive life already.

Also, a week back my sister got married. That whole thing took about a week and was a really great experience, being around family and friends and also getting time to relax and ponder on things. The thoughts about my ex no longer felt painful, I could think about the memories and feel good about it all.

After this it felt like a cloud lifted, and now even if the day is boring I'm able to remain in an above neutral mood at the very least (like I used to before) I'm back now and working on my side projects, and things are picking up. So yes, that was a bump and I think I'll be okay soon.

I was only able to get out of the phase because my mindset shifted. Replies from you guys, the book and the marriage did that by showing me a different perspective and making things clearer. So for that, thank you!

I realized I was being too negative and hard on myself by, for example, not letting myself enjoy the normal things in life. I looked around and realized that everybody lives a pretty normal life, and there's nothing shameful about it.

This is pivotal and foundational. Great work, Anon. It's a good idea to question a compulsive 'need' to always be outstanding or exceptional. Sure, in certain cases it's a good goal, but only when it's motivating rather than defeating.

In a meeting at work I heard one manager use a quote in a great context. He said, "We can't allow the 'best' to become an enemy of the 'good enough'." A good test of this would be to add to 'good enough,' 'for right now'.

For instance, I've always been able to apply 'for right now' to jobs in order to be content while working them. This never prevented me from finding the next 'better' thing, but it did prevent me from trashing my day-to-day experience and all of the positive things I could milk out of it. By the same token, I could never apply 'for right now' to a relationship if my end goal--or his--was marriage. So use the test to find contentment and satisfaction with 'what is' for now rather than to talk yourself into settling for anything you know is clearly wrong for you.

I also realized that though I haven't succeeded yet, I'm on the right path. I changed my inner voice from harsh and discouraging to supportive and encouraging when I realized the book made me realize that I was actually living a pretty decent and productive life already.

Changing and 'owning' your inner voice is a valuable habit to develop. It keeps you aware. It also helps you see advantages, even temporary ones, in being 'where you are' at any given moment rather than always suffering the discomfort of wanting to be somewhere else. It helps you to accept your best efforts as 'good enough' at this time, in the same way you wouldn't expect a 6th grader to master university level maths. When you encounter barriers, it's helpful to view them in context, such as relaxing into healing a broken leg rather than lamenting that you cannot run a marathon on it.

One helpful area of study to add to your reading can be the basics of micro economics. Learning 'economies of scale' helps you to distinguish certain periods in your life as necessary holding patterns rather than suffering a mindset that believes you must always operate at peak performance. For instance, companies need to learn when to NOT run at highest optimization, because the market will not support those yields at all times. Well, same can be applied to our individual lives. We have times when we ascend, and other time when we need to tread water and learn how to satisfy ourselves during these interims.

Head high, you're smart and you're doing great. Thank you for the update.

This is pivotal and foundational. Great work, Anon. It's a good idea to question a compulsive 'need' to always be outstanding or exceptional. Sure, in certain cases it's a good goal, but only when it's motivating rather than defeating.

 

In a meeting at work I heard one manager use a quote in a great context. He said, "We can't allow the 'best' to become an enemy of the 'good enough'." A good test of this would be to add to 'good enough,' 'for right now'.

 

For instance, I've always been able to apply 'for right now' to jobs in order to be content while working them. This never prevented me from finding the next 'better' thing, but it did prevent me from trashing my day-to-day experience and all of the positive things I could milk out of it. By the same token, I could never apply 'for right now' to a relationship if my end goal--or his--was marriage. So use the test to find contentment and satisfaction with 'what is' for now rather than to talk yourself into settling for anything you know is clearly wrong for you.

 

 

 

Changing and 'owning' your inner voice is a valuable habit to develop. It keeps you aware. It also helps you see advantages, even temporary ones, in being 'where you are' at any given moment rather than always suffering the discomfort of wanting to be somewhere else. It helps you to accept your best efforts as 'good enough' at this time, in the same way you wouldn't expect a 6th grader to master university level maths. When you encounter barriers, it's helpful to view them in context, such as relaxing into healing a broken leg rather than lamenting that you cannot run a marathon on it.

 

One helpful area of study to add to your reading can be the basics of micro economics. Learning 'economies of scale' helps you to distinguish certain periods in your life as necessary holding patterns rather than suffering a mindset that believes you must always operate at peak performance. For instance, companies need to learn when to NOT run at highest optimization, because the market will not support those yields at all times. Well, same can be applied to our individual lives. We have times when we ascend, and other time when we need to tread water and learn how to satisfy ourselves during these interims.

I'll keep the advice about the test and micro economics in mind, thanks.

Owning the inner voice seems to be a work in progress right now. It still rears its head and attacks me with vengeance, often defeating me, but now I at least know how to fight it. More importantly, I know that it exists and I know what it's doing. With time, I'll learn to deal with it better.

Head high, you're smart and you're doing great. Thank you for the update.

Again, thank you for the help! - especially the encouragement