Ex Unexpectedly Texted For Bday..Then Got Attitude

Hi All,

My ex broke up with me about 7 months ago. I desperately tried to work things out with no success. Afterwards I strongly wished to reconcile, but later focused more on improving myself instead of obsessing anymore over that idea.

My bdays in November and I wondered if I'd hear from him; it's the first natural opportunity to possibly have heard from him. He's stubborn and did some really hurtful things during the breakup to truly show me he's not interested in trying anymore. He denied a lot of it and I didn't bother calling him out.

Initially I didn't hear from him on my bday. It was disappointing, but I understood that I couldn't expect anything of him and it was sort of a final confirmation things were done.

A few days later (day before thxgiving), I opened my MacBook and got a text from him while at work. Flooded with emotion, I didn't open his txt right away because I was at work and I didn't know how to react. The strange thing is somethings wrong with my phone and I didn't get the text on there just my laptop.

I planned to repspomd the next day since I had a midnight flight to catch for thanksgiving. The next morning I opened my laptop since I never did get the text on my phone and woke up to a frustrated text from him basically assuming I ignored him and saying 'so much for being mature'. He went on to wish me the best year because he thinks I truly deserve it regardless of my thoughts on him. It frustrated me! The irony in him calling me immature yet he's too impatient to give me time to respond. Ultimately I responded explaining to him I hadn't received his texts on my phone which delayed my timing a bit. I thanked him and wished him and his family well. He never responded.

For months I have fantasized of this moment; one where I hear from him positively and start a potential connection. I think he may have felt vulnerable reaching out to me and not getting an immediate response. I still love him and plan to reach out when I'm ready if I wish to reconnect.

Do you think I should've used this as an opportunity? Do you think he truly cared or was hoping to get a reaction from me? I think I handled it well by not giving one but I'm always nervous it still comes off b****y by playing it cool... ah the layers.

It's hard to know whether he reached out because he cared or was hoping for a reaction. That might be revealed, i think, when and if you decide you are ready to reconnect. Also, did you ever get the feel from him while in the relationship that he type that can be malicious and purposely reach out to people under certain circumstances just to mess or get a reaction out of them to amuse and soothe himself? It was a moment that can def leave a person full of questions......wow I can only imagine your nerves when first seeing his text. Speaking for myself, I would probably be feeling an array of emotions if I were in your shoes. For now, I would have to agree with you, I too think he was vulnerable even before making, and during the connection and his vulnerability escalated when he did not receive an immediate response, maybe a little bruised ego too. Hope you get it all sorted out

Why did you break up?

It seems like you are angling/hoping to get back together. But if he's as immature as he's sounding, I wouldn't even want to.

He broke up with you instead of caring enough to work on whatever he thought was the problem. History usually repeats itself. If he got back together with you, he'd probably break up with you again when the same problems arose, instead of working together as a couple to pull out all the stops to make it work.

To me, it's really rude for an ex who broke up with you to intrude on your life while you're trying to get closure. Although it sounds like you never admitted to yourself of the finality of it all. He sounds like a nasty person and he probably did you a favor by breaking up with you. I had a similar experience when a guy broke up with me and texted me about 6 months later having the gall to ask me if I ever missed him. To me it just shows their character--not pretty.

Sometimes you want someone who is not right for you. Block his number for your own good. Delete his photos. Time to admit your future lies with someone far better. Take care.

Be very happy and grateful that this passive-aggressive jerk is out of your life. His insane text confirms this. Now block and delete him from everything so you can heal and move on. .

woke up to a frustrated text from him basically assuming I ignored him and saying 'so much for being mature'. He went on to wish me the best year because he thinks I truly deserve it regardless of my thoughts on him.

sounds like my ex making things my fault when she doesn't get what she wants.

did the same thing but it wasn't my birthday, she just wanted to get together for some drinks and dinner

but I didn't respond and I got a text saying " glad you are being mature about this"

excuse me, you wanted the break up, go live your life...

just block and stay with no contact.

Also, did you ever get the feel from him while in the relationship that he type that can be malicious and purposely reach out to people under certain circumstances just to mess or get a reaction out of them to amuse and soothe himself?

He was pretty immature from my observations while we were together, but so was I. He generally owned up to it and showed me he's capable of improving. Early in our relationship, I did catch him bashing exes, and flirting with them too. I don't think he knew what he wanted with me or them, at that time anyway. I acknowledged how poorly he spoke of and treated his exes and even asked if that'd happen if we broke up. Of course he made me feel special. I was the 'only girl he loved this way' and I wanted to believe it b/c he was the only one I loved that way. I never thought he'd mistreat me so much.

I was genuinely happy when I got the first bday text from him. I thought it was a good sign that maybe he still loved me and, after more maturity and growth, we could reconnect down the line. But his second text showed me who he was and is. It's disappointing to realize someone you love is potentially no longer there. Thank you for your supportive words

Hi Mrs. Darcy,

Thanks for taking a look at my post. We broke up after butting heads constantly. I think the two of us were both immature in different ways and neither of us were emotionally prepared to put in the work it'd take for our opposite outlooks to work with each other. Communication was poor. The two of us usually acted out or did something to hurt the other in retaliation rather than discussing and improving whatever issue we had with the other. After we broke up, I learned he reached out to a girl I specifically displayed concern about during our relationship. She was very interested in him and he took advantage by sleeping with her in the past (before we were together). He remained close with mutual friends of hers while we were together. I asked him several times to keep his distance so it was rather hurtful when, 2 weeks after our breakup, the girls who said they respected my relationship reached out to him and he almost caved in. Idk what ended up happening and it's none of my business, but it really was a slap in the face, similar to his impatient text message to me after I didn't respond immediately after he wished me a happy birthday.

He's pretty immature, and I realize the breakup was needed regardless of what the future holds. But, we did share a strong connection. He was my best friend and I do sometimes hope we'll both grow and give each other a fair chance. From the outside looking in I do shake myself saying take a look at what he does! I usually defend his actions with his insecurities. I have no idea how he feels about me, but I wish he gave me the love and respect he once said he had for me, even if we're not in a relationship.

Why don't you give him a call?

Why don't you give him a call?

The most brilliant response ever and typically the one I give people who waste time reading minds.

The reason I haven't called is b/c I'm afraid it may mess up my growth away from him. I get nervous and frazzled when I speak to him b/c he can be aloof and rude; hard to read. I do wish to reconcile in some way, but I don't want to reach out prematurely. His bday is in January. I'll definitely reach out, but I feel unsure about calling him before then. What's your experience been like - have you ever called an ex?

The most brilliant response ever and typically the one I give people who waste time reading minds.

The reason I haven't called is b/c I'm afraid it may mess up my growth away from him. I get nervous and frazzled when I speak to him b/c he can be aloof and rude; hard to read. I do wish to reconcile in some way, but I don't want to reach out prematurely. His bday is in January. I'll definitely reach out, but I feel unsure about calling him before then. What's your experience been like - have you ever called an ex?

Yes I have. Sometimes it ends up being the final closure one needs to move on fully. Other times, it can lead to re-concilliation. It's a toss of the coin. But doing nothing, yields no results.

The most brilliant response ever and typically the one I give people who waste time reading minds.

The reason I haven't called is b/c I'm afraid it may mess up my growth away from him. I get nervous and frazzled when I speak to him b/c he can be aloof and rude; hard to read. I do wish to reconcile in some way, but I don't want to reach out prematurely. His bday is in January. I'll definitely reach out, but I feel unsure about calling him before then. What's your experience been like - have you ever called an ex?

You are afraid he'll be rude and you don't want to call him and hear the truth in his voice.

Delaying the inevitable isn't healthy.

What will 2 more months do? It may give you some more strength and stability but it doesn't change who he is.

If you are working on yourself . . He doesn't seem to be. You just got a peek at his disposition.

Seven months have passed and you seem to have some master plan yet he no longer wanted the relationship.

He ended it, you tried to reconcile and he didn't. By the sounds of it, he did you a favor.

The best thing you can do is to put all that energy into yourself and move on.

I think it's time to move on.