Is it better to move out of your parents home?

Hi Everyone,

I moved back to my parents house in 2014. I lived on my own during my University or Undergrad years from 2009-2014. I very much want to move out of my parents home again. However, my dad says "you can move out of the house until you are married." My mother stated that "since you are single now, it's going to be a major problem if you move out on your own". I think it's embarrassing for me to date a guy since I live at home with my parents. I'm 26 years old. Some of my friends are living independent lives and living away from their parents. I envy them at times. What is your opinion on this? What is your opinion on living out of your parents house before marriage?

This is a very old fashioned point of view -- one that my father certainly held, and even extended to my brothers -- but my brother who didn't marry until he was 32 moved out anyway. MY SIL's family was appalled when her 30-year-old sister moved out without being married -- turned out she was a lesbian and has been in a lovely house with the same woman for 35 years, but no one talks about it.

It depends on how you want to deal with your parents. If I had to live with my folks as an adult I would have lost my mind. Moving out and dealing with disapproval would have been better (I actually moved out when I married). But perhaps for you, it is different. You know them and yourself better than we do. As for people you are dating, those from similar backgrounds may understand why you are still at home, others won't. Remember, in many other cultures outside the U.S. people live at home until they marry, in many places because things are so expensive that living on one's own is nearly impossible.

are you employed? if you can afford to move out, why not. they'll get used to it.

Since I'm a woman it's hard. I feel like my parents are suffocating me. I hate the fact they try to control the clothes I wear, the friends I associate with and things I do. My mom clings onto me. I'm at the point where I want space from my parents. I wanted more social freedom.

it's harder to find employment or it's harder for girls to break out of the culural conditioning your parents enforce?

Yes I'm employed. I don't make a lot on my own yet.

I think it's harder for girls to break out of the cultural conditioning of my parents' enforce. I very much struggle with it. As I lived with my parents after college, I learned that they are very old fashioned and the ultra conservative types. It makes it harder for me to date and meet guys. You did a great job spotting their thinking which is referred to as "cultural conditioning". I felt very much better about this. I could benefit for more help. Thanks a bunch.

the thing is they won't break out of their mindset. if anyone does it, it'll be you who chooses a different lifestyle.

currently they have the "as long as i'm supporting you/as long as you live under my roof" argument and there's little wiggleroom there.

work on financial independence first. until then be patient and grateful you have a place to stay until you can afford your own. anyone still dependent on their parents has to respect their rules to some extent, whether or not there is a cultural aspect to it. it's transient and worth putting up with for a while.

once you can afford to move out, they will probably take a while to accept it. but you also won't be under their microscope 24/7 so you'll have control over what aspects of your life you want them to be updated on and how.

i'm certain they love you very much. seeing you do well for yourself will likely help them accept the fact that you did so in your own way.

At your age I was in the Army posted to an airforce base waiting for casualties from Iraq to arrive and the majority of my friends where in Iraq ! Hope that answers your question.

It sounds like they are living their life through you.

I always say stay at home as long as you can, unless you are unhappy. If this is the case and you can afford it then move out.

Omg!! Living on your own is the best!! You're 26...you need to begin figuring out what's best for YOU. As long as you're in our parents home they will have emotional and financial leverage over you. Look for a roommate if you have to to start out. No shame in that. You will be ok...

For me personally it was essential and made all the difference in my confidence and independence level. I lived at home till age 28 - through grad school -then lived on my own for almost 15 years before getting married.

I left my dysfunctional parental home at 17 and have never, ever regretted it. If you can afford to do it, then do so. At that age I had the means to "escape" - I used to do a lot of practical archaeology and accommodation (of a sort) was provided. I didn't mind roughing it.

At 26, you are an adult and your parents have no business telling you what to do!

It sounds like a cultural tradition. Do you have a bf? Will you have an arranged marriage? What are the consequences of you getting a place on your own or with some roommates like in college?

my dad says "you can move out of the house until you are married." My mother stated that "since you are single now, it's going to be a major problem if you move out on your own".

Yes it does. I don't have a bf at the moment. I don't really want to think about arranged marriages because i've been thinking about them way too long. Those are good questions. I'm in the process of learning to be more independent.

I think this is very much an "it depends" type of question. In your case it certainly sounds like it would be a good idea. However seeing as you aren't in a great financial position I think you should follow RainyCoast's advice.

What would happen if you dated/married someone of your own choosing? Are you expected to live at home until your parents arrange a marriage?

Is living at home beneficial at this point by saving you money etc.?

A couple of my friends are convincing me to go through the arranged marriage route. They think it's supposedly better than love marriages. I know it's a cultural norm in the South asian Community.

I don't what will happen if marry or date someone of my choosing... I honestly think it would depend on the person. If the person were to be South Indian, then they wouldn't freak out. my parents very much expect me to marry a South Indian. Yes, I'm expected to live at home until they arrange my future marriage. At this point, it is beneficial to save money, learn cooking, laundry and other things like that. I'm not going to move out now but hopefully in about one or two years time

It sounds like it's all mapped out for you. What's worse living with them or your arranged husband's family? Are those the 2 customary choices?

my parents very much expect me to marry a South Indian. I'm expected to live at home until they arrange my future marriage. At this point, it is beneficial to save money, learn cooking, laundry and other things like that.

Moved out when I was 17, I knew everything anyway back then so I made like a frog and jumped. Life was hard but hey like I said I knew everything. Even at that it was prolly one of the best decisions I've ever made. Save up some cash, get out and get your own place. The parents will get over it

Can you go back to school?

Yes it does. I don't have a bf at the moment. I don't really want to think about arranged marriages because i've been thinking about them way too long. Those are good questions. I'm in the process of learning to be more independent.

Would your parents actually block you from moving out?

I think part of growing up is taking responsibilities on yourself. It's time to grow up.

And it's hard for everybody. You can't expect to have a deluxe lifestyle, though I see so many who stay home because they think they deserve that without the years of work without parents or a man to help them do that.

I believe living with husband's arranged family would be worse. In the Indian culture, women have to listen to their husband's family. I heard about this from stories. I don't know if I feel emotionally happy about the mapped out route.

I'm 21 and honestly not trying to move out until probably 23. I'll graduate at 22 and will probably be financially stable a year or two later. As for a relationship, i personally wont move in with the guy until we're at least engaged