Please need advice!!

I have been with the same guy for almost a year and a half. Everything started off really great, then I was having some bad anxiety issues and started pushing him away/taking him for granted. I realized that this was stupid, but every time I tried to talk to him he would push away from me. About 5 months ago I found out that he gave a gift to another woman who he had feelings for a couple years ago, this hurt me as I was basically begging him for attention at the time. Everyone I tried to talk to him he would get angry. Well I soon became sad, depressed, lonely, anxious-I started to see a doctor who talked to me a few times and then prescribed me some meds to cope (which made me act angry all the time). I reconnected with a guy that I knew years ago, without any intentions but just to catch up. Well one thing led to another and he made me feel better about myself, having someone listen to me made me feel special. I hung out with him, we flirted, things happened but I did NOT sleep with him! I soon realized that my mood swings and the medications were making me make bad decisions, so about a month later I stopped talking to this guy, realizing that I do love my boyfriend. I found out that my boyfriend had been flirting with this other girl, but he stopped when I found out and we both have never been better or have ever communicated so well, I am very happy. Unfortunately, my guilt got the best of me, and I had to tell him that I was talking to someone else before, and he forgave me and seemed to have moved past it. However, I feel guilty everyday because I didn't necessarily tell him everything. I felt like we are doing so well, why hurt us even more with something that I realized I was just using to make myself feel better, and that I made a mistake I would never make again. I feel terrible and guilty everyday. I love him so much, and I've also moved in with him. I just need to know how to get past the guilt, I'm also afraid that word of mouth will get around and he could find out that I more than just talked to this other guy for a short period of time... It's been almost 5 months now...

When revealing things of this nature it's important to be honest about the relevant facts.

However going over every gory detail only serves to pour salt in the wounds. Are you still mad at your bf for talking to the other girl?

The guilt is your problem and pain created for yourself by you. Why inflict it on him?

I feel guilty everyday because I didn't necessarily tell him everything. I've also moved in with him.

I suspect that more then talking went on with your boyfriend and the girl he gave a gift to as well. Maybe you should just tell him the truth and let the chips fall where they may. If you don't want to do that then get yourself to a therapist to help you to overcome your anxiety in general and discuss your guilt while in session. You have to learn how to cope by yourself and learn how to self-sooth so that you don't reach out to other men to make you feel better should another blip in your relationship occur in the future.

Thank you. That was exactly my thought. I have completely gotten this other person out of my life, blocked on all social media and deleted from my phone. I am not mad at him still for talking to her, though it's hard because he still sees her (not by his choice) at work. I do trust him, and I know we were just going through a rough patch at the time. I know what I did was wrong, and he's not the innocent either, but I've never acted like that before and I know it'll never happen again.

I've had some pretty bad relationships, but I've NEVER done this before. It was completely out of character for me, and I know it won't happen again. I do love my boyfriend so much. I do suspect more happened between them, but he assures me that he loves only me and is now giving me the attention I deserve. So who am I to keep dwelling on what may have happened, when I feel as guilty as I do?

It may be a good idea to look into this as a motive for what you did. How was he not giving you attention?

is now giving me the attention I deserve.

I've had some pretty bad relationships, but I've NEVER done this before. It was completely out of character for me, and I know it won't happen again. I do love my boyfriend so much. I do suspect more happened between them, but he assures me that he loves only me and is now giving me the attention I deserve. So who am I to keep dwelling on what may have happened, when I feel as guilty as I do?

On the other side of the coin: Who are you to be feeling so guilty when he's not innocent either. He's forgiven you and he's put it behind him. I suggest you do the same. If you can't, then go see a priest and confess to him. If you want to destroy what you have with him then go and vomit your bad feelings onto your boyfriend and see if he can get past them.

To be straight up and in your face about this: Your guilt is immature and unnecessary and it stems from your general anxiety that you're not addressing. If you're so guilty then tell him and suffer the consequences of your actions. Or don't and get on with your life. Its really that simple.

No one here can alleviate your guilt with words to placate what you did as being okay. It is what it is and the choice is to process this with professional help if you can't do it on your own or tell him and let the chips fall where they may.

He wouldn't plan things with me, or take extra time for me. He stop bringing me coffee and stuff to work. Or picking up little things at the store he knew I liked. He didn't act as in love with me as before. But once we started communicating more and realized we were both being ridiculous things have gotten 100% better and he makes me feel so loved.

I obviously feel guilty because what I did was wrong, but it is what it was- a mistake. But I also think it's hitting me harder because I'm afraid that he might hear from somewhere else that I more than talked to this other person.

If you can't, then go see a priest and confess to him.

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I obviously feel guilty because what I did was wrong, but it is what it was- a mistake. But I also think it's hitting me harder because I'm afraid that he might hear from somewhere else that I more than talked to this other person.

So you're actually Not feeling guilty but rather afraid he'll find out you were less then honest. I suspect that he assumes that you were making out with the dude... he's naïve at best if he believes all you did was talk.

Who would tell him that more went on? The guy you fooled around with? Is he some kind of friend of your boyfriends or something? Most guys don't "kiss and tell." Particularly because they don't want the drama and they don't care to if all they were wanting is a little fun with you. Just how long did you carry on with the dude? Did he give a fig that you stopped seeing him?

Once again: The bottom line is you tell or you don't. If you don't want to and you can't get over your negative feelings about it then get help for your general anxiety (which you should be doing anyway) and broach this subject with your therapist.

I do feel guilty, but I also worry about word of mouth, because you never know. And I only talked to the other guy for a little over a month. It was kinda mutual when we stopped talking. And you're right, I have been seeing someone for my anxiety, I wish I could keep it in check better.

What do you mean you "more than talked" with the guy? What does that even mean?

We hung out. Got a little touchy feely. I never slept with him. I was just trying to make myself feel better in the absolute wrong way.

Ok......

Ok if that's the truth, you don't need to tell your boyfriend your were touchy/feely.

It is the truth. I feel horrible about doing this when I wasn't even emotionally attached to the person, there's not way I could sleep with him and be able to live with myself.

Well use me as the example.

for a second even I didn't beleive it. So imagine if your boyfriend will. Keep the secret and just move forward and live your life. You know if you tell him, he will automatically think your lying. Best to just not keep thinking about it anymore.