post wedding blues and resentment

hi all, im new.

i didnt put this in the marital issue section because the problem is an issue of resentment, really.

a little backstory.. was married a few months ago. i love my husband and our officator was great. nothing of the actual marriage itself was bad. it was wonderful, between my husband and i.

ever since i started dating my husband, my sister tried everything to make our lives hell, make our family reject us ect. she gossiped so badly of him, she caused most my family to hate him before they even gave him a chance. of course, after seeing through her crap, my parents grew very fond of him. he is truly a kind, great person.

its also worth mentioning my cousin is ...was...my best friend. my sister got inside of her head and shes been different towards me, and terrible to my husband since the day they met.

i am a private person, so my only bridesmaids were my sister and cousin.

they never asked how the planning was, never offered to help, never helped pick a dress, no congrats, not even a card.

the days leading up to my wedding they were avoidant, and i ran into my cousin the day before my wedding at my parents house..i didnt even bring up my wedding and simply said "id love to spend some time with you , i miss you" as she lives out of state now.. to which she said "im busy."

they showed up to the wedding, stood up front, frowning the whole time, stayed at the reception for maybe 30 minutes with their boyfriends and left without a good bye or congrats.

im the first in my family to be married, ive considered it may be jealousy...

i feel like i need to mention i had the most low key, relaxed wedding. i didnt even have colors, it was in a backyard, very simple. i was not a crazy bridezilla at all. i did everything alone and complained to not a soul.

i feel like i am a likeable person and i keep trying to analyze what i did wrong, but i have nothing..

my issue?

i am so hurt by their actions and lack of interest and support... i resent them. i cant even speak to them with out tearing up and wanting to scream. i was so close to them before my marriage, and how they hate his and my guts. hes been nothing but kind to them, and they pretend he doesnt exist. and now treating me the same. the pain is so much, it hurts me everyday. if anyone has been through something similar..please help. my heart hurts from this

I don't know what to tell you. You mention providing us a backstory, but I can't really see one being provided. If this is all completely unsolicited negativity on their part, then I suppose good riddance. Use it as a wake-up call to put more effort into meeting people and not relying on toxic family members for friendship. Not saying it's easy, but there's not a whole lot you can do about it now.

I also think it'd be in your benefit to really reflect on how you've interacted with them. I know that, sometimes, ***holes just happen, but I find it to be a rare occurrence that they just drop down from the sky. Did you vent to your sister about any particularly bad things regarding your boyfriend? Did you have any arguments with either her or your cousin? Anything you can think of that they may have regarded as snide? I'm thinking it could be a bit telling that you jumped to the fact you're the first one getting married and they may be jealous. Perhaps you carried yourself in an unsavory way leading up to the marriage.

In any case, sorry things didn't work out. I'd hope that, regardless, they could suck it up and take a couple pictures, but I'm getting the feeling there's more going on than you've shared or even realize.

i am a private person, so my only bridesmaids were my sister and cousin.

they never asked how the planning was, never offered to help, never helped pick a dress, no congrats, not even a card.

Bridesmaids are honored guests. If they offer to help, awesome! BUT it's never should be expected. They aren't your servants at your becon call. They are not obligated to come out and dress shop with you, plan a Bachelorette/hen party, etc. All they are required to do is show up at the wedding on time in the proper attire- which is what they did.

The no congrats or even a card would rub me the wrong way. As being all frowny in front of both my families during my wedding would upset me. I would of preferred them to step down from being a bridesmaid if they can't show support in front of my family/in-laws. Just a hell no.

In general, weddings can bring out the best or the worst out of people. My wedding helped me weed out people out of my life due to their behaviors and attitude toward my upcoming marriage. It definitely was a hard pill to swallow, but unfortunately that is life. Not everyone can play in the same sandbox together.

Unfortunately, it is what it is and it doesn't matter how "stress free" your wedding might be. In the end you married your best friend and you had something to gain. It's time to let the negative people of your life go and focus on what you have now. Continue to build relationships with the positive people around you.

I think you need to tell them how you feel. If you keep this to yourself you'll keep adding fuel to your own fire and your resentment to them now will turn into something much worse. Do this for your own benefit. Don't expect them to change, just make them understand that their being horrible and don't deserve your friendship.

It's time to forget about all the sibling rivalry that's tormenting you. Sometimes family are not our best friends, that's what best friends are for. Avoid them but be friendly and that's it.

Don't expect as much as you won't be as disappointed. They do not have to like your husband or be your best friend. Socialize with coworkers, friends, your husband's friends and family, etc.

my sister tried everything to make our lives hell.

i am so hurt by their actions and lack of interest and support.

thanks for all the insightful replies, its helped me to really take a step back and reevaluate my feelings in this situation.

its a lot easier to not take it personally and move forward with my own life and marriage. it is unfortunate indeed how weddings can show you sides of people you dont want to see