Help.

Hello,

So i started seeing/ talking to this one guy over the past couple weeks. He was obsessed with me and kept asking to take me out on a date. At the time, I found him too interested in me so i kept brushing off the dates and only call / msg him when i was drunk. Last sunday he came and met my friend and I at a restaurant for some drinks where we had a lot of fun. he slept over but we didnt do anything not even kiss and right in the morning he said he wanted to take me to dinner. a week passed and he kept txting me constantly. On friday night we got home from the bar drunk and had an after party where many people were doing drugs... Im not sure why i called him but he actually ended coming over sober at 3 am (warned him before that i wouldnt sleep with him) and stayed up with us partying until 6 am. He even told my roommate that he was excited to wake up beside me when she asked if he was annoyed that he was there. It was a crazy after party however none of these people were my friends. (roommates friends friends). The next day he left and he wasnt msging me. then last night I got a txt saying that he didnt want to ignore me but the other night turned him off and that he thinks im amazing but he stays away from drugs and hopefully we can still be friends. I said im sorry many times and asked him to please reconsider...but he wouldnt. Now i just feel like an idiot... and am very mad at myself for even calling him that night to come over. If i didnt, everything would have still been fine. He said not to worry and that im still an amazing girl I just wish he got to see past that night and get to know the real me. Kinda sucks that he was so judgy. He is also only 21 and still in school while im 22 and done school. I just feel like now and wish i could go back and wish that he would still be interested.

Unfortunately it sounds like he wanted to date you but realized that the party lifestyle was incompatible for him. He's not being judgmental, he's being honest that he doesn't want to be around drugs.

This incompatibility would have happened anyway so it's better sooner rather than later. At least he didn't string you along for easy hookups.

It would be best if you want to date guys to meet up asap and decide if you want to date them or just party/do drugs together. Find guys who are into what you are into.

then last night I got a txt saying that he didnt want to ignore me but the other night turned him off and that he thinks im amazing but he stays away from drugs and hopefully we can still be friends. Kinda sucks that he was so judgy.

ya i stopped texting him. Do you think hell come around eventually? It just sucks badly because that was kind of a fluke of a night where usually it doesnt get that crazy but of course it was the one night where he was over when it was but of course he cant see that.

He gave you his answer. It was a total turn off no matter if it was a fluke or not. It would be best to move on. Don't try to convince him of anything. You invited him over at 3 am and people did drugs. Plus you kept blowing him off. Find someone else.

ya i stopped texting him. Do you think hell come around eventually? It just sucks badly because that was kind of a fluke of a night where usually it doesnt get that crazy but of course it was the one night where he was over when it was but of course he cant see that.

ya I guess. I just feel really bad now, i wasnt thinking straight i wish i could make it better but i dont think i can. just wish he never got that impression of me and wish there wsa some way we could rekindle.

You can only go forward from here after the lesson learned. Don't drink/do drugs all night when you invite new guys over and they won't get that impression. Or date guys who are cool with your lifestyle.

just wish he never got that impression of me.

You were, I assume, a willing partaker of the party goods. That means it's something you're accepting of and willing to do - and has the potential to happen again.

That's not something he wants.

It was actually pretty cool (and very mature) of him to be up front about it. Respect that, and if you want to be friends with him, be friends. Don't push his boundaries just as you wouldn't want yours pushed, were the roles reversed.

Ya youre right. It would have happened eventually if he stayed around. Ya it was mature of him and Im leaving him be. I just feel like garbage now that he doesnt want me and that i turned him off that much that he wont talk to me anymore im hoping that because he likes me he might be able to see past it.....

At the time, I found him too interested in me so i kept brushing off the dates and only call / msg him when i was drunk.QUOTE]

 

I have never understood this psycology or why people do it. I am assuming it is some way of gaining control over the interaction by seeming like the less interested one and making them chase.

It sounds as if he didn't view being drunk, and/or being around drugs as an attractive trait. At any rate, you can't undue what's been done, but you can take the lesson with you.

This is actually a story with a good ending not a bad one.

You two aren't compatible and found out before things got more complicated and serious. You are into drugs and he isn't, pretty simple really.

He sounds like a stand up guy that was honest and upfront with you so you don't have to wonder why he disappeared. Do you know any girls that might be interested in him that don't use drugs? Maybe someone that wants to meet a guy that is honest and looking for a real relationship? Friends help fix up friends right?

Funny how something/someone you didn't want becomes so important when it is no longer available isn't it?

Lost

ya I guess. I just feel really bad now, i wasnt thinking straight i wish i could make it better but i dont think i can.

 

just wish he never got that impression of me and wish there wsa some way we could rekindle.

And what impression would that be? That there were strangers at your house doing drugs? How would that be your fault?

I think there is more to this, something he is not sharing.

Perhaps something about your particular behavior that night that turned him off.... more so than the fact these "strangers" at your party were doing drugs.

Were you doing drugs? What prompted you to call him at 3:00 AM and ask him to come over?

JMO but I think it has more to do with your behavior that night, rather than, again, the strangers doing drugs.

I am not judging you by the way. God knows I have gotten plenty drunk (not drugs just liquor) when I wish I hadn't and made a big fool of myself in front of a guy I liked.

Or at the very least, left him with the "wrong" impression of me.

It happens.

What are you sorry about? You stayed up late and "partied" in your home. You didn't hurt anyone. The guy just isn't into it. Would you rather you invested a few months into him before revealing your recreational use and him then having to dump you?

I'd also discourage you from first date sleepovers and inviting guys you barely know over at 3am if you really want sex off the table. No anyways means no, but inebriated late nights with someone you've just started dating is about as no means yes as it gets. I'd hate for the wrong pervert to enter the picture and take advantage.

youre right. he deleted me off snapchat as well but kept me on other social media sites (insta, facebook).. would you happen to know why that is? I think its pretty strange. I feel like if a guy didnt care about me he wouldnt have to delete me. It's all confusing.

im not sure why, I was drunk and not thinking straight clearly. I txted him before he came over though and told him that I wasnt going to have sex with him and let him make up his mind if he still wanted to and he did. Im not really sure why..........

Ya I did do some. and im not sure, I always call him when im drunk.. I ditch the dates but call him when im drunk to hang instead. I think I was scared of maybe liking him and getting into a relationship because I just got out of one and thats the last thing I need again ( to date someone) and I think he was looking for more of a relationship which kinda scared me

very true. didnt care at all when he was around and now that hes gone im freaking out lol